Low volume: Insanity and I
by Dumbledoor
Summary: Summary change, title alteration . All human. Bella and Edward, with some obstacles in the way?
1. monologophobia

CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER FOR NOW AND FOR EVER  
Please note: I'm not that serious about this story, so don't "flame" me for it not being well-thought or well-plotted.

* * *

**1. monologophobia**  
fear of using the same word more than once

- - -

"Remember to release the clutch when you shift," Charlie Swan, my dad, said sternly. Red-faced though he was, he managed to keep his seriousness clear as he looked on the road.

I nodded my head, releasing my left foot from the pedal. "Then I shift to second gear?" Without further instruction, I pushed the lever back and to the left and pressed softly on the gas, making the Honda Accord jerk forward. Beside me, Dad gasped. I understood his discomfort. My driving skills were looking pretty pathetic right now.

"Okay," Charlie said. "Just remember: clutch, shift, release, gas. And your speed should be your guideline."

"Alright," I nodded again. Looking in the rear view mirror, I signaled right and parallel parked on the shoulder.

"Bella." It was hard not to laugh at the way he tried to be authoritative. He reddened at my reaction, but coughed and tried again. "Bella, do you think you're ready to drive a manual car?"

I made my face serious, turning to face him. "Yes, Dad, I am. We've been driving for over two hours now. I'm even ready to pay for my very first pump of gas."

"Because you know you can always use _my _car, or if you want I can drop you off every morning, because I won't mind. You know that, right?"

"Dad, I know. But I _will _drive this car. Isn't that the reason you gave it to me?"

"Well, I _initially_ bought this for me, but then I really didn't have any use for it—you know, a two-door Accord isn't really ideal for a cop car. Besides, I work too much; I wouldn't get out too much anyway."

"Don't worry," I said. "I'll let you drive it when you want to."

He was tempted, eyeing the black dashboard and the beige seats. He sighed. "No, you're going to need this for school. _And_ when you make friends at school—by the way, school starts tomorrow. I've already taken care of it."

I wanted to say he used the word _school_ three times, but then suddenly that word seemed to flash in my mind, along with other associated words.

School. Classes. School. People. School. Students. School.

_School_.

He saw my discomfort, but he didn't know how to make me feel better.

"Dad," I started to say, but he cut me off.

"Call me Charlie."

"Why?" When I was younger, he always made a point to scowl when I called him by his first name.

He sighed. "I guess...I don't really deserve to be called Dad. I don't know how to _be_ a father to you. So, from now on, call me Charlie."

It saddened me a bit, to have one proof of my growing up, but I nodded. "Alright," I drove on the road, "Charlie. Look, you don't have to be that _dad_ to me. I can take care of myself. I'm almost eighteen, and even though I moved here only days ago, you're not doing that bad of a job being a parental figure." He looked flushed, and I was too—giving compliments never went without awkwardness in my family. But I wanted to get it over with, so I added, "Just think about that whole drug speech you gave me earlier. You were the epitome of a worried father."

"No, I was the perfect example of a _cop_. I gave that speech a million times already—even to fifth graders." He smiled weakly, but his grip on the emergency brake turned his pale knuckles white.

I glanced at the surrounding trees, the darkened sky, the small shops. I pressed on the clutch, shifted, the gas. The white 2007 Honda Accord sped up.

"Well, you really get your point across," I lifted my foot off the gas pedal, letting the car roll forward. "I'll never do drugs."

"Good. Because even though Forks is a small town, there's plenty of bad kids out there, Bella. I wouldn't want you to be one of 'em. Every week, we bust drug dealers left and right. Most of 'em are in high school."

I had a feeling he was exaggerating, but I nodded and made a note to be careful.

- - -

That night, I made dinner. Chicken Parmesan. I figured I should start my life with Charlie on a good note, if God forbid something happened that got me on his bad side.

"This is great, Bella," he commented. I could tell he was forcing himself into conversation. I was forcing myself to pretend this wasn't awkward, and I forced myself to stop thinking about future dinners.

No, Bella. The future dinners will _not_ be this boring and strained.

"So, Bella, you ready for school tomorrow?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

He frowned, and then he took a bite. "Make sure you stay away from the bad kids, Bella."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, Charlie. I will—"

"Because in _your_ school, they're usually in groups. I know Billy's son does drugs." He shook his head, obviously angry about the idea. "It's a shame. Jacob and all his friends were good lads. Now they're wasting away, doing all kinds of stuff."

Billy Black was Charlie's long time friend, even now he goes fishing with him as much as free time will allow. I didn't remember him having a son.

"Why do you let them keep doing it, if you're sure they're doing drugs?" I asked.

"We don't exactly have proof. Jacob used to go to rehab, but he got out and now he's gotten smarter about it. He never gets caught anymore. And then, he gets his friends into it, too. Billy's stopped fighting him."

"Oh." I didn't have anything to say.

Charlie looked triumphant, seeing that something he said actually got to me. "So, even though it pains me to say this, you have to stay away from Jacob Black and his friends. They are a no-no."

"Right. A no-no."

"But there are plenty of nice ones too," he chewed thoughtfully, "so you shouldn't have a problem fitting in."

I doubted it, but that was okay: I was used to my unchanging status of being the quiet girl without any close friends.


	2. first day

**2. ereuthrophobia  
**fear of blushing

- - -

On arriving at the school, I realized I was twenty minutes early.

It took a while to find it, but I parked and walked to the small building marked _Office_ and entered. The day was cloudy, but the continual rain in Washington wasn't here yet.

Mrs. Cope was the school secretary.

"Isabella Swan. We've been expecting you." She sounded like she was on a mission. I just stood there, one hand holding my keys, the other clutching on a notebook and receiving every slip of paper and folder Mrs. Cope gave me.

"Getting around the school shouldn't be a problem. Each building has a number, and it tells which classrooms are inside. For example, _you_ have English first with Mason. That's room 205. When you walk down and turn to the first building on your right, you'll see Building 3 and it should say Rooms 200-224..."

I really should have been listening, but I was too nervous, and besides, I would figure this out eventually. After nodding three more times, Mrs. Cope decided I was ready to start on my first day of Forks High.

Out in the parking lot, I saw it was about halfway full. Students got out of their cars, dressed in jackets and boots. My outfit was similar, though my appearance was a bit drab. I've never had much sense and care for fashion.

I observed. They all seemed pretty normal, talking and chatting. The population was much smaller than in Phoenix, but they were still teenagers all the same. I noticed the general majority heading for a building marked _Cafeteria_, while others sat on the benches or loitered by the entrance.

I sighed. Building three, English.

The bell rang at seven thirty, and I arrived by the door at seven twenty-five. It was closed when I got there.

But one person was waiting. He was a textbook geek, I could tell from the pile of books he clutched to his chest and the brimming weight that was his backpack. Skinny and having the adolescent problem of skin issues, he held himself in a nervous posture, a gesture meant to be protective and brooding.

He saw me, and his eyes widened. I guess I was going to have to brave through the curious looks for a while.

"Hi," he stammered, making a move to shake hands. Unfortunately, his books fell in the process, so my first interaction with him was helping him pick up his textbooks.

"I'm sorry," he squeaked, obviously embarrassed. "You're the new student, right? Isabella Swan?"

"Yeah," I said, standing up and handing him two textbooks. "But I prefer Bella."

He smiled. "I'm Eric Yorkie. Are you in this class?" He pointed to the room with his books.

"Yeah." I was relieved. The people here seemed friendly. But I had a feeling Eric Yorkie didn't have much friends. I scolded myself, reminding me of my otherwise similar social status.

The bell rang.

English went by smoothly, much to my surprise. The teacher, Mrs. Mason, came in late, but the students more or less ignored me during class. They just kept giving me stares, no doubt guessing what my outcome in this school would be.

Next class, Government. As I headed out the door, Eric came by my side, accompanied by a taller guy with blond spiky hair and light blue eyes. He was cute, _especially_ compared to Eric, and his smile showed his straight teeth.

"Hi, I'm Mike," he shook my hand, speaking before his friend introduced us. "Bella, right? What class do you have next?"

"Government with Jefferson, " I said quietly. Mike frowned.

"Well, d'you want me to walk you there? I'm not in the class, but I know where it is," he offered, taking my notebook and English textbook from me. Eric scowled, but before I could say anything to him he left Mike and me.

On the way, he kept asking questions. I answered politely, nodding and smiling where appropriate: I came from Phoenix, Arizona. I live with my dad, Charlie Swan. I'm a junior. No, I'm not dating anybody.

So I was quite happy when Mike left me to my second class, though long lectures were not something to look forward to.

I entered, finding myself forming another boring pattern called my life.

The class had a mixture of juniors and seniors, but the teacher seemed nice enough. He gave me permission to sit behind Mr. Jasper Hale.

I looked at him blankly, not moving from my spot. I could feel the students' stares.

Mr. Jefferson raised his head from his book, then his mouth formed an "o" before saying, "Mr. Hale sits three seats down the first row, by the window. I hope you don't mind sitting at the very back corner?"

I muttered something that expressed my contentment and headed for my seat. I looked up, searching for the third seat by the window.

Mr. Jasper Hale. He was an _enormous_ step up from Mike's combination of blond hair and blue eyes. I suppose it was the muscles, and the sophisticated way he exuded confidence. Sitting there, gazing at me, his eyes were curious,—as was everybody else's—fingers twirling a pencil.

On my passing by his desk, he winked.

I sat down behind him, so he wouldn't see my discomfort, but it became impossible when he turned around and gave me a smile, offering his hand.

"I'm Jasper, senior," his deep voice pronounced each word carefully. My mouth must have been opened, but I shook his way bigger hand in a weak grasp. "Enjoying your first day, Isabella Swan?"

Everyone was looking at us now.

"It's Bella," I corrected, frowning when my voice sounded small compared to his, "and my first day's fine, thanks." I spoke quietly, but in the curious silence everyone heard me. Mr. Jefferson cleared his throat, calling us to attention.

When the bell rang, Jasper walked me to my next class, Trigonometry. It occurred to me then that maybe, _just_ maybe, people here can actually _like_ me. Around us, people were whispering and pointing.

"Bella, do you want to sit in my table at lunch?" He saw my discomfort, and he quickly added, "Don't worry: they're really nice, and a bunch of them are juniors, so you won't feel left out."

"Okay," I said, rather breathlessly. I'd never had a handsome boy pay serious attention to me before. He stood there, leaning on a locker next to the doorway, then walked away. I found myself smiling at him.

When I entered my class, however, my smile turned into a nervous swallow of spit. Everyone was still looking at me, even Mrs. Cowinski. They were all in awe, and it wasn't until I was seated that they actually _tried_ to hide their staring.

"Well, you really know how to make an entrance," a girl said to my left. She was a strawberry blonde, and her clothes screamed money. And here I thought Forks was a relatively low-income town.

I didn't know how to respond, so I just kept my head down.

"I'm Tanya, by the way," she said, tapping her pen to her notebook.

I smiled politely. "I'm Bella."

"Was that Jasper you were talking to?" she whispered curiously, not paying attention to the teacher.

"Yeah," I whispered back. It was making me nervous, the way she was looking at my clothes, my hair, as if they were something to pity but pass by.

"He's my friend," she said, rather proudly, facing forward. Then she blinked. "Did he ask you to sit with us at lunch?"

I nodded, suddenly doubting my opinion of Jasper. Tanya seemed friendly, but there was definite snootiness in her attitude. I wondered if all her friends were like her. But Jasper seemed nice.

"Oh," Tanya said, her face looking genuinely sorry. Her hand flew to her mouth, and she looked at me as if I just lost my parents at the mall. "See, here's the thing. I _totally_ forgot to tell the guys, but my sister Irena's supposed to be sitting with us today. Her boyfriend just broke up with her, and she really needs me right now. I'm _really _sorry, but I don't think there'll be enough space in the table if both Irena _and _you sit there today."

She was good at pretending to be innocent. I muttered an "Okay," but inside I was really ticked. Not because I had lost my chance to sit with Jasper, but because I was letting someone like Tanya tell me I couldn't sit with her friends.

By this time the teacher had passed us worksheets, and the girl sitting in front of me slowly waved the paper to get my attention.

"Sorry," I told her, trying to stop her irritation. But when I looked at her, she was smiling kindly, placing the paper gently on my desk.

"It's alright, and I'm sorry to seem so rude, waving the paper like that, but you just weren't paying attention," she whispered. The bustles of paper prevented anyone else from hearing her. "Besides, I think you needed to be distracted from Tanya. She can be a bit.._.intimidating_. I'm Angela. Angela Weber."

I smiled instantaneously. "Bella," I shook her hand. "Did you really hear all that?"

She nodded, quickly looked at Tanya, then back at me, before facing forward. I understood what she meant, and she understood my worries. Angela didn't want our conversation to be heard by anyone else, especially _her._ I decided that Angela Weber would be the best friend anyone could ask for.

After Trigonometry, I had Spanish. Angela showed me the way, and I learned that I had Biology with her as well, and that she was friends with Eric Yorkie and Mike Newton, though she admittedly said they were annoying.

"Don't worry, if, by _some _chance, Jasper's table really _is_ full today," she rolled her eyes and smiled, "you can sit with us. You have Spanish with my friend Jessica Stanley. She'll probably ask you herself. Or if not, I'll find you after this block. Good luck."

"Thanks, Angela," I was beyond grateful.

Spanish went by. I met Angela's friend, and it amused me how someone as quiet as her could be friends with Jessica Stanley. The moment she introduced herself, she'd been doing most of the talking.

"I'm so glad you came to Forks. Nothing ever happens in this town—the most scandal _we_ ever see are some druggies here and there. Have you met Mike Newton yet? You'll meet him when we go to lunch—wait, you're sitting with us at lunch, right? Oh! I heard you were talking to Jasper Hale!" Her brown curls bounced as she clapped her hands to her face. "How can I forget? Do you know him?"

The questions came, but she seemed content with guessing my answers, so I just smiled and nodded. Jessica wasn't bothered by my silence, so I guess it was fine. A bit annoying, but not bad.

Lunch, though, might be something else.

- - -

True to her word, Angela walked up to me while I was by my locker. Jessica and Angela guided me through the cafeteria, talking about—this part of the tour was by Jessica—the general outline of the social ladder.

The cafeteria was small compared to the one back in Phoenix. Here, it was about half the size of a football field, and the folding rectangular tables seated twelve each. There were only six rows of tables—each row had eight.

"Right there, you have the Freshmen and Sophomores—they like to keep to themselves," she motioned to the half of the cafeteria closer to the entrance doors, the food, the garbage cans. "The Juniors and Seniors are farther away from the doors, because there's less teachers on that side," she pointed to the opposite part of the room. "Here's the general rule: the farther you are away from the underclassmen, the more popular you are. So you see the tables lining the windows? _They're_ who you should be jealous of."

I looked between the "older" and "younger" half of the cafeteria. I had to admit, there was a difference. The Freshmen and Sophomores were louder by a large margin, and the Juniors and Seniors were dispersed pretty evenly. Every table was filled up, whereas the other side had some crowded and some empty.

Angela rolled her eyes and smiled at me, and I smiled back.

We got our lunches, and I found out we were sitting in the second row to the window—according to the "general rule," Jessica's group was somewhere in the middle.

While we were in line though, I passed by Jasper. Tanya was standing next to him, holding a water bottle and two straws. Jasper smiled when he saw me.

"You sitting with us, Bella?" he asked. Beside him, Tanya smiled.

"Jasper, she's sitting with Jessica and Angela, can't you see?" She spoke with confidence, and for a second I believed she didn't mean anything bad by not letting me sit by their table. "Let's go, I think Edward's calling us." Tanya pulled on Jasper's arm, which caused his tray to wiggle a bit, but he gripped it tighter and walked to his table without complaint. I noticed they sat next to the windows, in the far left corner.

Jessica gave a whoosh of awe. I blushed. Angela smiled shyly.

"I think he likes you," Jessica finally broke the silence. "No—I _know _he likes you. What class do you have with him again?"

"Government," I murmured, hoping to drop the subject. I really didn't want to get my hopes up—I've never had a boyfriend, I doubt I would know what to do with one.

"Well, I think you're going to fit in just fine," Jessica teased. This made me sigh in relief; at least nothing was awkward among us.

Several familiar faces sat by me, specifically Mike and Eric, along with Jessica and Angela. Others introduced themselves: Tyler, a friendly-looking guy; Lauren, a not-so-friendly-looking girl; Morgana Poole, who I assumed to be Lauren's sidekick; and finally, Ben Cheney.

"He and I just started dating actually," Angela put her arm around his. I could tell she was being protective, but I wanted to tell her that she had nothing to worry about.

Jessica sat next to me the whole time, comfortable with all the attention paid our way. Whenever someone stopped by to greet me, Jessica would smile and kindly take over the introductions.

"Well, now you know most of the upperclassmen," Jessica said, after ten minutes of smiles and patting of my shoulder. "But the _populars_ of course won't come. They're so—"

"Bella Swan?" A cheery voice said from behind. Jessica's mouth dropped. I turned around. A short and pale, dark-haired beauty accompanied by a handsome boy with long dark blond hair he held with a ponytail. He had an arm around her tiny waist, while she looked at me curiously.

"Yeah?" I said.

She held out her hand. "I'm Alice Cullen. This," she nudged the boy's arm, "is James Thadford. My boyfriend." James nodded, then let Alice speak as his gaze lazily wandered off the whole cafeteria. I noticed it was mainly directed at an all-girls table bordering the underclassmen.

After her welcomes and my thanks, Alice and James sauntered off to Jasper's table.

I looked at Jessica's face. She was looking at the couple—at the whole table—with obvious envy. When she saw me, she giggled and looked down.

"It's just...Alice's friends are the richest and most beautiful in the school," she grinned sheepishly. "You can't help but feel the unfairness of it all. _They_ have money, looks, even the grades. People like us—I'm not saying anything about _you_, you know," I told her I was not offended, and she continued, "Well, people like us can only _try_ to look _that_ good. And I have to work hard on my grades."

- - -

One could learn a lot from Jessica, if she listened for the good parts. In one lunch period, I learned that Jasper's table was usually occupied by seven—namely Emmett McCarty, Rosalie Hale, James Thadford, Alice Cullen, Edward Cullen, Tanya Reed, and Jasper. Today though, Irena Reed, a junior and Tanya's sister, was sitting there as well.

I grimaced when I realized that the table was _far_ from full, with four chairs available.

"The Cullens and the Hales make up a better half of the table," she explained. "The Cullens, Edward and Alice, were both adopted, and they're in our grade. They moved two years ago, from Alaska I think. Rosalie and Jasper are twins. Seniors," she gave me a sly look, "but you already knew that."

Internally, I wanted to hit Jessica in the back of the head. But I just smiled, hoping no one could see my face cringe.

Looking at the table, what I saw reminded me of a photo shoot. All eight of them were talking casually, and I saw some of the boys having their arms draped over their respective girls. It was like the meeting of the perfects, the club of the envied.

"As you can guess, Emmett and Rosalie are together since...well, probably forever. James is a senior, but he got close with Alice last year and they've been going out since then." Here she paused, giving the discussed table another glance. "Then there's Edward and Tanya. Edward's the one with the lightish brown hair, the youngest-looking one—though he is the youngest, I think. Tanya's a senior, but she and Edward have been pretty serious since they met."

She paused, sighing and glaring at her food. Jessica noticed my looking at her, and she brightened.

"_Jasper_, however, is single," she said. "He's probably one of the nicest guys, too, though he doesn't talk much. He's dated, but it's never serious."

Mike Newton, who had been hearing our conversation, said, "Yeah, Jasper's cool. But the rest of them are snobs. Selfish, snobbish snobs. Especially James. Did you hear what he did to Victoria? Damn, as if he couldn't get any cockier..."

Jessica's face lit up. "Oh my God! Yeah, didn't he dump the cake she baked for him right on her car? In front of the whole school too!"

Mike nodded enthusiastically. "That's just so wrong! But the sad part is, Victoria still loves him."

All this time I just listened, and looking back at James, I saw a mischievous face, mysterious and deceiving. With his hand on top of Alice Cullen's, they looked like a Valentine's Day card. But when added with what I heard, they looked like a horror movie waiting to be fast-forwarded to the gruesome parts.

I shook my head. Must not listen to rumors.

Jessica misunderstood my expression. "Oh, wait! Bella doesn't know about her!"

"Well," Mike cleared his throat. "Ever since _forever_, Victoria Steinback—she's in one of the bordering-the-Freshmen tables; she's a senior—has been obsessing over James. It's creepy! I remember last year she used to give him cards every week in his locker."

"Or what about those 'I heart James' lists she made in the bathrooms?" Jessica added.

"She even had some in the _boys'_ bathrooms!"

They sighed in unison. I searched for Victoria Steinback. She was sitting with several other girls in the center tables, picking at her food. Victoria had fiery red hair and pale skin, and I imagined her brooding on her unrequited love.

"I'd totally do Victoria," Mike commented. "But not before Rosalie, Alice, and Tanya, of course."

On that note, we talked about other things.

I found out about Jacob Black and his friends. There were ten of them. They also sat by the windows, though on opposite sides to the previously mentioned group. They certainly didn't look like the type to do drugs—they all looked athletic actually, with dark skin and muscles, but even the students knew about their habits.

"We call 'em the La Push kids, because that's their usual _hang out_ place," Mike said. Beside me, Jessica whispered, _Drugs_. "There's nine guys and one girl—Leah Clearwater. They all look pretty tough, because they are. That's why they get to sit at those tables." I couldn't help but roll my eyes: why did the student body care so much how close you were sitting by the windows?

I looked again. Some of the guys looked young. I wondered which one was Jacob Black. They were all laughing, talking and eating, that it didn't make sense to me how they could ever do something like drugs. One of them, he had long hair pulled back in a ponytail, threw a bagel jokingly at his friend, before pointing to a pretty girl across the cafeteria. It all seemed normal enough.

"Don't let that facade fool you," Jessica chimed in, seeing the look in my face. "Those kids do drugs, no doubt about it. I saw them one time, when we were at First Beach. It was pretty funny, actually, they were just lying there, completely stoned behind the bushes." She shook her head. "I'm glad _I've_ never tried doing 'em. My mom would _kill _me."

"Yeah," Mike said thoughtfully. Interestingly, he looked guilty, his eyes shifting from Jessica to me rapidly, then to the La Push kids.

- - -

I had Biology next, and Mike was so kind as to walk me there.

"I'm in that class too," he energetically said.

Down the hallway, whispers came. I scowled. Mike was holding his head high.

When we were outside, an interesting sight greeted us: the brownish-haired guy, Edward Cullen, and the blonde from Trig, Tanya Reed, in dangerous lip-lock. They were incredulous to their surrounding, except maybe the tree they were leaning against.

I shuddered, noticing the drops of rain and gusts of wind. Weren't they cold?

Beside me, Mike whispered, "That happens all the time. Edward and Tanya can't keep their hands off each other."

We went to class.

- - -

"Mr. Cullen, you shouldn't be arriving so late at this time of the year," Mr. Banner, the Biology teacher, said as he wrote down the answers on the board. He didn't even look up as Edward, looking unabashed and indifferent, took his seat.

So that's whom the empty chair beside me was for.

Finally, Mr. Banner stopped writing and faced his tardy student. "So, what's the excuse this time? Nothing happened to you car again, I hope?"

"No, sir," Edward said. "No excuse this time. I'm sorry for being late. I got caught up." As if on instinct, I scooted my chair slightly away from him. He didn't seem to notice.

Everyone was looking between Edward and Mr. Banner, but I only stared at the student. Edward had such green eyes that were both dark and light. His face was pale and smooth, with a strong jaw that held the most perfect lips...

"Are you Bella Swan?" He spoke, looking at me with no particular interest. Ah, the voice matched the looks perfectly. Velvet smooth and manly deep.

"Yeah," I said, turning back on my work. No use embarrassing myself with a stranger. I blushed, scolding myself for thinking about him the whole time. He was the best-looking guy I've ever seen. Tanya was so lucky. Look at that perfectly disheveled hair...

Edward slid his chair to the right, quiet enough so it wouldn't disrupt the class, but loud enough to tell me to _Lay off, quit staring_.

Biology was going to be distracting.

- - -

Gym was better. Edward wasn't there. I was beginning to think Mike was right—Edward was a snob. But everyone had a good side, right? I shouldn't let first impressions last.

The class was small, and, just like in Phoenix, the gym was divided into four sections: one per grade. Mike was also in this class, and he gladly accepted the position to be my badminton partner.

The Seniors were right next to us, and I saw Jasper and Rosalie standing, talking and whispering. Side by side, it was easy to see why people stayed clear of them. Even Abercrombie & Fitch models would look ordinary compared to those two.

Coach Clapp blew the whistle. "Get dressed everybody! Swan, I've got your uniform right here, but you're excused for today. Go to the changing rooms and I'll give you your locker." She handed me a yellow T-shirt and dark blue shorts, and I cringed at their possible length—or lack of.

In the locker rooms, girls were bustling about, trying to undress carefully so as not to ruin their hair, makeup, etc. I didn't care much for my looks, because it never got me anywhere. I tried not to look while they were changing, so I stood awkwardly by Coach Clapp's office door. The teacher was going through drawers, muttering to herself where she put the locker combination chart.

Just then a tall, perfect figured blonde walked up to me. Rosalie Hale.

At first I thought she was just going to talk to Coach Clapp, but then I saw she was looking at me. It was pretty scary, the way her blue eyes stared at you, all the while her face remaining perfectly calm. She stood about four inches taller, and it made me feel weak.

"Bella Swan?" she asked. She sounded...amused. Irritated?

"Yeah?" I looked at all the curious bystanders.

"I'm Rose," she jutted her chin forward. "You know my brother, Jasper Hale?"

"Yes." Okay where was this going?

She smiled, small but not totally unfriendly. "Well, he talked to me about you just now," she exhaled, letting her shoulders relax from their straight model-like posture. "I just wanted to see who's got him so interested." With another eyebrow-raised look, she headed for the doors to the gym.

Before I could crawl into a corner by all the stares I was getting, Coach Clapp gave me a piece of paper.

"There's your locker combination, and your locker number is twenty," she said. She turned and scanned through the aisles. "And locker twenty would be somewhere over..."

"Here!" A high voice chimed in. I looked. Alice Cullen was there, dressed in the gym uniform, waving her arm back and forth. "It's right beside mine."

Coach Clapp smiled at me. I smiled back. Then I went beside Alice.

"Hi again," Alice said, shutting her locker close. Everyone was looking at us now, probably wondering how a new girl was able to talk to Rose and Alice off the bat. I know I was.

"Hi," I said meekly.

"Don't worry about them," she whispered. "They're just jealous. The talk is, you've gotten most of the boys pining for you. Especially _one_ particular boy." In spite of the humor and cheeriness in her voice, her eyes were hard.

A whistle ripped through the air. "Alright! Time for class!" Girls filed out of the locker rooms, though half of them were already in the gym. Alice waved, then walked out with another girl.

Coach Clapp closed her office door. "Swan, you can sit in the bleachers for the whole period, or you can play along. You don't have to get changed."

I told her I'd sit, not wanting to show my horrible sports skills just yet.

- - -

When gym was over, I was relieved. I headed for my car, wanting to go home as soon as possible. My cheeks were still red, having got a whole class period to think about Alice's remark, and the biting January cold blowing to my face.

As I drove home, my mind couldn't stop wandering on the whole day's events. I should have handled all the attention better, instead of mumbling and stumbling on my short words.

Ah well, it would only be one year and a half before high school ended.


	3. manse

**3. manse  
**a large and imposing residence

- - -

Much to my relief, the next few days led to the weekend. I had gotten quite close with Alice Cullen and Angela Weber, though the most conversation I got out of the latter was a polite discussion on our Biology homework. But to be honest, moving to Forks wasn't that horrible. More people here have talked to me in a day than in my whole time spent in Arizona.

It was a fairly good day, not quite cloudy and without rain. Charlie had gone to work, and, having asked for permission, I resolved to go to Seattle that Saturday. My book supply was running out, and I was resorting to rereading everything since school started. A day outside didn't sound so bad.

I was just grabbing my keys from my jeans—I had a bad habit of not taking them out of my pocket—when the phone rang. It was Alice.

"Hey, Bella, are you doing anything today?" she asked.

"I'm actually just heading out to Seattle. You know, just buying books and stuff."

"Oh," her voice brightened, "do you mind if I come along? I'm already dressed and ready to go."

I didn't see why not, and she was bound to know more about the city than I did, so I told her I'd pick her up from her house. She gave me her address, and after a few minutes I drove to the other side of Forks.

The Cullens' home was massive. Long winding driveway that U-curved in the front, wide open lawns surrounded by thick trees, and a three-story white marble building they called a house. Though it would've stood out, the place was secluded, the driveway practically hidden and concealed by bushes—trimmed and evenly spaced.

Alice, smiling brightly and dressed in a yellow coat, boots, and dark jeans, was sitting on the porch steps, waving at me with her designer purse. I parked in front of the house, trying to keep my excitement at a minimum.

"I'm so glad you agreed," she said when she sat on the passenger seat. "I was dying of boredom here. It was just me, my brother and his girlfriend." She rolled her eyes at the last word while putting on her seat belt.

It shouldn't have happened, but I guess I still had a teensy crush on Edward, so my heart skipped a beat when she mentioned him. How could anyone _not_ feel attracted to him? His green eyes…it seemed their only purpose was to lure in girls.

"Where were you supposed to be going before you called me? You said you were dressed already," I asked.

I was looking at the road, looking for the sign to the main roads when I realized it was quiet.

"Alice?" I said. Her smile changed—it became grim and forced. When she saw me looking at her, she shook her head and told me not to worry.

"James and I were supposed to go out today," she explained. "But he…well, I don't really know. He just called and our plans were cancelled." She sighed, running her hand through her hair before giving me a weird look. Was it guilt?

Before I could contemplate further, Alice spoke. "What about you? Any dates this weekend?

"No." My answer was automatic.

"Really?" She sounded surprised, but her voice was strained. "Well, it _is_ too soon anyway. It's your first week. Wait till next week; boys are going to be asking you like _crazy_."

I flinched, not liking the confidence in her assumption. She saw this and laughed.

"Bella, don't worry. Some boys _are_ jerks, but they're generally nice. You just need to pick the nice ones from the bunch."

I wondered if she was telling this to me or to herself.

- - -

We ended up going to Port Angeles.

"It looks like it's going to rain," Alice said. "And you don't want to be stuck someplace far away when it rains—traffic and distance. Bad. Besides, Port Angeles has some pretty good shops."

The better part of the day was spent window shopping, walking around the mall and getting to know one another. Alice and I did try out a few outfits, but rarely bought anything.

"Want to go look for books? I wouldn't want to overwhelm you with my shopping addiction," she admitted. "We'll save that for next time."

I smiled when I found out there'd be a next time.

Alice was very outgoing, zealous and optimistic. When a guy came up to her, she'd politely turn them down, opting to stay with me instead, and when she saw a cute shirt, she'd ask me for my opinion—though I doubt she agreed with half the things I said when it came to fashion.

We were in the dressing rooms, I trying on a pair of jeans, and she waiting by the door, holding out a few more outfits. I could tell she was becoming more comfortable around me—the outfits kept piling.

"How's this look?" I got outside and showed her the jeans.

Something was bothering her. Alice was looking distantly, a blank expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing," she muttered. She looked at me, trying to sound cheerful, but she looked…guilty. She sank down at the floor, the heaps of clothes coming with her.

Luckily, no one was around. I kneeled in front of her.

"What's the matter?"

Alice sighed. "Bella, do you really like Jasper Hale?" She was dejected, not looking me in the eye.

"Well, I _do_ like him, but not in the way the rumors think," I answered. Inside, my heart thumped. I knew where this was going.

She brightened up a bit, but she hid it with an inhale of breath. "Because…I like him. A lot."

"Okay," I said softly. I stood up.

Alice laughed nervously. "Yeah, so…um, do you want to sleep over my house? It is a weekend, and you said you didn't have anything planned." She stood up too, gathering the clothes and putting them on the desk nearby.

"Sure, Charlie wouldn't mind I think." After a phone call and a trip to my house, we returned to Alice's place.

- - -

The inside was better, more extensively decorated, than the outside. The Cullens had it all, I thought with slight jealousy.

"Make yourself at home," Alice closed the front door and headed for a room.

Living room, dining room, kitchen—where Alice went, eating ice cream—,T .V. room, and every other room one can think of, they were all there, furnished to catalogue perfection.

I sat down on a kitchen stool beside Alice. "Is anyone home? I noticed there were no cars on the driveway."

She swallowed her ice cream. "Well, the cars are usually at the back—garage," she explained and my eyes widened. "But I don't _think_ anyone's home. Edward might be here, but we don't bother each other when we have company," here she grinned. "We learned that the hard way."

I rolled my eyes and we headed upstairs to her room, where I would officially have my first sleepover.

- - -

"You really wouldn't mind?" Alice asked, incredulous and skeptical. She was fidgeting with her soft goose-down pillow, twisting the corners round and round.

I shook my head. "No, Alice, I really wouldn't mind. Just make a move on him before anyone else does."

She jumped up and down her bed, squealing. "Oh, thank you thank you _thank_ you, Bella! I can't believe I'm going to do this!"

I laughed. "Alice, calm down. First things first: you have to break up with James."

Immediately she sat down. "I shouldn't worry about that part, but I can't help but be nervous."

"What's there to be nervous about?"

"Well, James always had temper," she said. "I don't know how he'll take it. But I have to do it soon. That I know."

I nodded. "Why'd you stay with him for so long if you liked Jasper all this time?"

Alice blushed. Interesting.

"Because…" She pulled on her hair as an unsure gesture. "All this time I've liked Jasper, he never seemed to be interested with me—even now, I don't think he thinks of me as anything more than a friend. But then _you_ came along, and, well, I just realized that I could lose him if I don't _do_ something."

Silence engulfed us for a few minutes. Outside her curtained window, moonlight shone brightly against the dark clear night.

I was still unsure of my feelings about all of this. On the one hand, when Alice and Jasper get together, everyone would get off my back about dating him. But on the other hand, Jasper was looking to be my only chance of having a decent relationship. He was quiet, smart, but intensely charismatic and charming. And he was interested in me—at least, he seemed more interested in me compared to other girls.

Was I ready to give away my first chance of dating to my newfound friend?

"You like him too, don't you?" Alice asked quietly.

"What?" I turned my head. She looked worried.

"Jasper," she said. "You like Jasper, don't you?"

"He's one of the better guys, I admit," I blushed, which made me angry at myself. "But I don't think we would've worked out anyway."

I could see it: guilt was consuming her. Her face was pained, and after a few seconds she gave a groan.

"I'm so sorry, Bella! I wish I never loved Jasper!" She buried her head in the pillow. I doubt she knew that she said the world _love_. "I'm so selfish; it doesn't make sense! Oh, Bella, will you ever forgive me for taking the guy you like?"

"Alice! Alice" I tried to pull the pillow away from her head. "It's no big deal! I wasn't going to do anything about it anyway _if_ he asked me out! I don't date."

"Seriously?" She looked at me in awe.

"Yes." I sighed. "Back in Phoenix, I was a nobody. My mom was basically my best friend. So, I wouldn't know what to do with guys even if they threw themselves at me."

She sat up and she made me tell my entire history with boys: it was a very short lecture.

"I don't believe it," she said. "How is it possible that someone like you has never kissed? Are the boys in Arizona blind?"

"Not at all," I supposed. "I'm just plain."

Her mouth dropped open, but she closed it and shook her head. "No, Bella, you're not plain. You should know that those boys at our school aren't after you solely for your brains."

I didn't answer, just leaned back on the bed's headrest and enjoyed the next session of silence.

A few moments later, I recognized music playing. "White Shadows" by Coldplay. It sounded nearby.

"Had that been playing the whole time?" I asked Alice. She was laying back, eyes closed.

"Don't know," she said lightly. "Must be Edward. He probably just came." She opened her eyes. "Why?"

"No reason," I shrugged. "I just didn't hear it before."

Alice sat up suddenly. "Bella, do you like Edward?" She didn't sound suspicious, more hopeful than curious.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I was trying to keep calm, but I was blushing furiously. Alice saw this.

"It's just…you'd be good for him," she said. I blushed further. "You do like him! Bella, you do know he and Tanya have been fighting like crazy, right? He's planning on breaking up with her." She looked thoughtful, as if she couldn't figure something out. "It's actually weird, because they used to be so in love, but then they started arguing…"

I let her get lost in her mind, and I laid my head on the soft pillow and slept.

- - -

Sunday morning, Alice and I were eating breakfast—milk and cereal for me, Pop tarts for her—when Edward walked in. I felt self-conscious, wearing nothing but my pajama bottoms and a large t-shirt (that had holes on the bottom hem).

"Good morning Edward," Alice said, smiling.

He gave her a weird look, but nodded. He looked at me. "Hello, Bella. What brings you here?" He looked tired.

Shocked he would even acknowledge me, I pretended to chew hard on my food, hoping he'd understand the cause of my speechlessness.

Alice grinned. "As of last night, Bella has become my very best friend. _That's _what brings her here."

He was peering into the refrigerator. "Where's the milk?" he asked.

"Oh, it's right here," I said. He looked at me and I held the carton out for him. "But I put the cereal back to the pantry." The bigger than my bedroom pantry, I wanted to say.

"Thank you," he took the milk from my hands.

"Welcome," I mumbled. Alice nudged me in the rib. I pretended to ignore her.

Edward came back from the pantry, holding a box of Cheerios and a bowl. He plopped himself down next to me, so I was in the middle of the two. We ate in awkward silence for a few minutes, though I think I was the only uncomfortable one.

"So, Alice, why so cheery all of a sudden?" Edward asked in between spoonfuls. "Yesterday you seemed down…_er_ than usual. Did something happen last night?"

Alice tensed. "Didn't I just tell you? Bella became my best friend. What about you, Edward?" After a few glares thrown his way, she mimicked, "You seem gloomi_er_ today. Did something happen last night?"

Another glare, from him to her. It was amusing, a bit unnerving, being in between them. I stayed silent. The sound of my crunching cereal seemed louder than before.

"No," he said firmly. "Nothing happened last night. I'm just a bit…distracted." He shoved a spoonful of Cheerios in his mouth, chomping like a mad man.

"Things not looking so good with Tanya?" Here Alice gave me a mischievous look. I looked on warily, mutely pleading to her _not_ to go there.

To my surprise, Edward smirked. "Tanya and I are probably in the same situation as you and James." He smiled at her slightly angry face innocently. "Or maybe, I need _Bella_ to be my best friend, too. She seemed to cheer _you_ up a lot." I blushed. Just eat your food, Bella.

"What if I don't want to share?" Alice quipped.

"Then I'll have to take her away from you."

Alice huffed in annoyance, and Edward continued eating, his mood healthily elevated. I finished my breakfast and quietly stood over the sink.

"No need to do the dishes," Edward called. "We just pile 'em on the dishwasher." He gave a sideways glance at his sister, who was looking at him murderously.

"So when are you going home?" Alice asked me, changing the subject, whatever the subject had been.

"I guess now would be a good time," I decided. "I'll just go get my things and I'll be gone." I headed for the stairs.

"Call you tonight," she muttered.

"See 'ya, best friend," Edward teased. I gave him a weird look, though he must have seen my crimson cheeks first.

- - -

"Bella!" Edward's voice called from behind. I stopped, holding the door open, and turned to see him coming down the stairs. When he saw me waiting for him, he slowed down and walked to me.

"Yeah?" I asked when he was standing by the doorway.

He leaned on the frame. "Listen." He ran his fingers through his hair. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair. "I just wanted to apologize...for Tanya."

Apologize? "What do you mean?" I gave him a blank stare.

Edward smiled, as if knowing my intention. "Jasper told me he invited you to sit with us at lunch the other day and that Tanya didn't take it well. I'm sorry for that, it was inexcusable." He paused then added, "Especially since it was your first day and all."

It felt weird, having him apologize when he didn't do anything, but I supposed he was trying to be nice on behalf of his girlfriend.

I nodded. "No harm done, really." I looked at him again, feeling the sudden impulse to study every feature of his face, the friendly smile that illuminated him.

The funny part was, he was doing the same. We stood still, and I wasn't aware how much time passed when a car with a loud radio passed by.

"Um," I pushed the door knob, which I still held, farther out, "Well, I better go."

Edward pushed himself off the door frame, looking at a nearby clock. "Oh, right." He cleared his throat. "So, I was wondering, if Alice didn't ask you already, would you like to sit with us at lunch tomorrow? And the next day?" He grinned. "And the next, and the next, and the—"

"Is anyone going to _un_invite me?" I teased, rolling my eyes. Good thing he saw it; I didn't want to make enemies with someone who was important to him.

"I assure you, no one will keep you away from our table as long as I have anything to do with it," he assured me, mock-serious. His playful side was getting to me. Dazzled, I retreated away from him wordlessly.

The rest of the day was spent productively; I got the house-cleaning, laundry, dinner, and my homework done. Charlie came home exhausted, and I went upstairs to continue what had been bothering me the whole time: daydreaming about Edward Cullen.


	4. ineluctable

**4. ineluctable  
**impossible to avoid or evade; _also_, inescapable

- - -

The Monday after that weekend proved everlasting.

It started off normal enough, with the exception of Alice driving me to school. She said she was making sure I'd be in school that day, when she broke up with James. I admit, her yellow Volkswagen Beetle was very bright, and the color stood out more than my white Accord would.

"I'm planning on buying a Porsche one day," Alice told me. "For now, a bug is flashy enough. I think it suits me."

So classes started, and Alice and I separated ways, just like any normal day would go.

But the bell had to ring. Then I had to go to Government. Rose's words never escaped my mind: _I just wanted to see who's got him so interested._

Damn it, how could a simple sentence (that was said so bluntly, so unaffectedly) invade my thoughts like this?

But I sucked in my breath, hoping that whatever came my way would come quickly and efficiently less embarrassing. I walked in the classroom, hands clutching the straps of my backpack, and sank down my seat.

Jasper hadn't arrived yet. The bell would ring in three… two… one…

He came, looking calm and cool as ever, just as the bell rang. The teacher, though, was going back and forth inside the classroom, muttering about lost worksheets and misplaced calculators.

"Good morning, Bella," he smiled, showing his perfect set of teeth. I realized that I used the word _perfect _a lot when describing the Hales.

"Hi." Must not blush. Must not blush. Ah, well, I tried.

"Listen..." He leaned down on my desk, creating about three inches of space between our faces. His breath smelled _nice_.

I cleared my throat. Jasper smiled.

"Um, let me try that again," he whispered. "Would you like to go someplace with me?"

"I..." would love to?

No! No I wouldn't! Didn't Alice just profess her love for him? I couldn't do this...

Jasper saw my horrified face, and he frowned. "Oh, it's fine, really, if you don't feel up to it," he smiled casually. "No worries." He started to turn his head forward, but I grabbed on his arm before our conversation would end.

He looked at me nervously.

"Um," I stuttered, pulling my hand back and crossing my arms. "Please don't take it the wrong way, but I think it'd be best if we'd be friends."

"Just friends?" Uh-oh. He was using his charming smile and teasing voice. How was he able to use humor at a time like this?

I nodded. "Just friends." Had to stay strong.

He shrugged. "That's alright, I guess I understand," he looked at me playfully. "But I was planning on having a double date with my friends, you know Rosalie and Emmett?" after a second, he added, "we could even have had a triple date—no, a quadruple date! James and Alice could come along too."

We laughed, though I doubt we found this funny at all. The mention of the last couple made my stomach heave uncomfortably.

"Bella, you okay?" Jasper asked.

"I'm fine," I said. "So...we're friends, right?"

"Yes," he nodded. We were still pretty close, but it didn't make me as nervous as before, now that we had established our relationship.

Government wasn't going to start for another few minutes, I judged from the lack of an instructor and the mumbles of students.

"Bella?" Jasper said, scanning the classroom.

"Yeah?"

He looked at me. "Do you want to watch a movie with me this Saturday? As friends, I assure you. That is, if you don't have any plans."

The chattering stopped, and Mr. Jefferson stood in the doorway, looking flushed and angry.

"I'm really sorry about this," Mr. Jefferson huffed. "I've seemed to have lost my lesson plan and worksheets. I'm just heading for the office, making copies, and it'll only be a moment," everybody practically rolled his or her eyes at this, "so just sit still."

When he left, the noise increased. Jasper looked at me. "So? Would you like to watch a movie? All my friends have their dates for the weekends. I'd be pretty bored." I wanted to inform him that two of his friends may not have dates this weekend, after today's events.

"Alright," I nodded. "Saturday." I couldn't say no to that, right? Hanging out with a friend is perfectly rational, even if the friend was Jasper Hale, and he wanted to spend time with me, Bella Swan, a somewhat weird girl who was too content being lonely for her own good.

"I'll pick you up at your house," Jasper added. He saw my reluctance. "Just to save some gas," he added defensively. I rolled my eyes and smiled.

- - -

I thought some people were going to have hard feelings toward me.

After Government, Jasper had renewed his offer of my sitting at their table, and I accepted. Not that it would have mattered, for Alice invited me to sit with them already (not to mention Edward did too, unbeknownst to anyone else). She needed support for what was to come: the end of her one-year relationship.

At first, I was touched, realizing I was the only person she told her secret to. But as the day progressed, I saw its disadvantages.

In Trig, Tanya kept giving me glares.

In Spanish, Jessica had endless questions: Was I dating anybody? Did I really spend the night at the Cullens? (To which I answered yes, I hung out with Alice, but to the first question I chose not to comment) And on and on and on...

Then the monumental limbo between the first half and the second half of the day.

The bell rang. _Senora_ Martez was yelling over the hustle and bustle of students packing, announcing a quiz for Friday.

Jessica noticed my anxiety, judging by the way I forced my books inside my paper-filled backpack, dropping several assignments in the process.

She clicked her tongue. "You're not sitting with us at lunch, are you?"

"Not today." Unfortunately.

She smirked, though her eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Well, I'll go tell the table. This ought to get them talking." She turned and left.

I cringed. That wasn't the only thing to get them talking, I feared.

Moving along the hallways, I spotted Alice. Or rather, she ran up to me the minute I was visible among the crowd.

"Bella! There you are," she sighed, taking my arm and practically dragging me to the cafeteria doors. "I was worried you would bail on me. James and all the others are already sitting and eating." She was muttering, frowning, and her forehead was crinkling with worry.

Where had all her confidence gone? We were in the middle of the cafeteria, and some students were giving Alice (or it could have been me) weird looks, as if to say, _What's up with her?_

"Alice," I held her arm and headed for the line. After getting our lunches, I said, "Deep breaths. It'll be over soon." Uncharacteristically, I walked us to her table. Suddenly the big glass windows seemed suffocating.

Tanya was the first one to see us approaching. She was sitting beside Edward, who was at the end of the table, with her back to the windows. Probably to scan the school better. Tanya's hand was on Edward's elbow, and her grip obviously tightened when she saw Alice and me: Edward winced in annoyance.

"Hey, Alice," Tanya said. "I see you brought someone with you." She looked coldly at me, but her smile looked warm enough. Alice kept her gaze on James, who was munching on fries.

Jasper, who was sitting in front of Edward, turned around. "Bella! I didn't know you were friends with Alice." He smiled, surprised and pleased. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

Edward interjected. "Actually, Bella is _my _best friend. I stole her from Alice." At this comment, everyone in the table turned around to see Edward's _best friend_. It was intimidating, seeing the whole table ensemble: Rosalie, Emmett McCarty, two empty chairs, Tanya, and Edward on one side; and James and Jasper on the opposite, with two chairs between them two. Where would _I_ sit?

Alice finally forced her glare from James to her brother. "Yeah, you really did." Sarcasm. It made Alice look terrifying. "That's why Bella's hanging out with _me_ instead of sitting with you."

The group was silent, and I could see the fry from Emmett's mouth drop to his tray. Edward was stoic, but I could tell he found this funny; he gave me a smirk. Jasper was shocked. Tanya and James were indifferent. Rosalie looked worried.

"Alice," I whispered as discreetly as I could. "You're taking your anger out on the wrong person." I tried to wipe the memory of Edward's smirk off my mind.

She snapped her eyes shut and shook her head. "Right," she sank down in beside James. Without looking at me, she said, so no one could argue, "Sit next to me, Bella." Of course that meant I was sitting next to Jasper, and I would be in front of Tanya. I sat.

For a few moments, we chewed on our food. Then Emmett made a joke, everyone laughed, and soon conversations took place. I quickly realized that this group wasn't _really_ a group, rather, several couples that just happened to sit near each other.

Edward and Tanya were discussing plans after school. Emmett and Rose were going to see a car show tomorrow. Rose and Alice were going to the mall sometime this week.

Jasper, much to my relief followed by immediate worry, made talk. He asked me which movie I wanted to see, and I quickly told him to pick whichever one he liked. It was making me uncomfortable, because even though he meant it to be friendly, our plans sounded like a date.

Rose's eyes snapped in our direction.

"You two are going to the movies together?" she asked. She was...smiling.

Jasper looked at his sister. "Yeah, this Saturday. It's nothing big."

Alice visibly tensed beside me. Her plastic fork was bent. She was blushing. The fork broke in two.

I cleared my throat, trying to get Alice's attention. "Yeah...you know, just to hang out." I looked at Jasper. "As friends."

Rosalie, however, was oblivious to her friend's reaction, and only saw her brother's acquiescence to our "just friends" arrangement.

"As friends, huh?" she repeated, skeptical. She eyed the two of us curiously, and I hated seeing the conclusions form in her mind when Jasper and I nodded. Alice still hadn't moved.

Suddenly, Jasper said, rather harshly, "Rose, drop it."

His twin made a face as if she was shocked, then turned to me apologetically. "I'm sorry, Bella." She laughed lightly. "It seems you have wounded my _dear_ brother's ego a bit. He's never found a challenge." She smiled at Jasper sweetly, and he sat rigidly straight, staring defiantly back. Emmett snickered. I could see Tanya staring off into space, while Edward gave his sister a worried look, a look which she never saw.

Of course Rose was kidding. Even I knew that. But for some reason, her statement made Alice snap into action.

As fast as a bullet, she'd dropped the remains of her utensil and turned to James, saying, "James, can we talk?"

James Thadford was handsome. His face always seemed to find something repulsive, though the line of his mouth made the devious look in his eyes more dangerous, more intense. I wondered how Alice was able to connect with a guy like him. Maybe it was his rebelliousness, the freedom that seemed to emanate from his very presence. One look at James, and I thought, _Wow, this guy gets what he wants. And the things he wants aren't easiest to get._

He turned to Alice now with a confused expression. But he still appeared bored. "Okay, let's talk."

"Um," Alice nodded slowly, clearly frustrated that he didn't realize the seriousness in her voice. With one swift glance at the table, she announced: "I think we should break up."

James sputtered his milk. Most of it splattered onto Rose.

"Idiot!" she hissed. "Look what you've done." Emmett immediately handed her a napkin, dabbing at the moisture on her shirt. If I wasn't looking out for Alice, I probably would have blushed at the intimacy of Emmett's act.

"Ugh!" Rosalie groaned, motioning for Emmett to stop. "I'm going to the bathroom." She stood up, glared at James, then walked off. I noticed that a lot of boys stared after her on the way.

Then I turned my attention to Alice. She seemed...ready, anticipating something, probably for James to scream his head off. What bothered me was that no one else seemed to do anything, just spectators on this event.

Slowly, James turned to Alice. "_What?_" He sneered as he said it.

"You heard me," Alice calmly straightened her back, "I think we need to—"

He abruptly stood up, pushing his lunch tray forward that it lurched over the table, spilling its contents on Rose's seat. Emmett flinched, staring angrily at James.

But James was looking at Alice with what could only be described as rage. Alice looked at me helplessly.

Before anyone else spoke, I stood up as well, knocking my books over Jasper's lap. I muttered a quick sorry, but Jasper didn't even remove his cautious gaze from James as he picked up my books and placed them on the table.

Having made an unintentional diversion from the staring contest between James and company, I spoke. "Alice, I think Rosalie needs our help in the bathroom."

Edward had made a move to get up, probably to give James a piece of his mind for scaring his sister, but Tanya pulled him back down, saying, "Let her handle it. Alice can take care of herself. And she's got Bella." She added the last part when she saw me take Alice's arm.

Edward glared at the table. Jasper and I exchanged a glance, silently agreeing that this was beyond awkward.

"Let's go, Bella," Alice said confidently. I smiled when she looked James in the eye, announcing: "James, we're over." Then she pulled me away from the table, headed for the doors and never looking back.

The whole cafeteria must have been watching, because it was quiet when we passed every table.

From the far corner of the room, a deep voice teased. "Oh! Thadford got _dumped_!"

This was followed by several other jeers and taunts, mock-claps and foot-stomps. I followed Alice's gaze. The La Push kids were laughing, pointing at a blushing James.

No other student spoke. The teachers were muttering to each other, looking cautiously into the silence. The russet-skinned kids hadn't _done _anything, so technically they weren't guilty. Yet.

"Hey, James," a deep-colored boy with short cropped hair called. James was trembling with anger, but turned his head to the kid's direction. "This is good news, huh? Now you don't have to lie to your little girlfriend just to _get _some!"

More laughs from the group. Alice stopped too, to watch her ex-boyfriend's reaction. Her face was worried, though I hardly knew why.

A middle-aged woman stepped over to the table.

"Embry Call! You watch it!" she snapped. "You and your friends are going to get in trouble if you don't stop now."

They quieted down to snorts and huddled jokes. But we heard. Every single one of them:

"He didn't even get to her pants!"

"I saw her screaming at him in the mall, dude! He looked scared!"

And on and on the similar jokes went. Until they succeeded; James was riled up.

He had been standing, ready to storm out of the cafeteria and not make a fool of himself. But hearing his manhood get mocked, get discussed, he snapped. The La Push kids smiled, waiting.

"You fuckin' _pricks_!" James screamed, getting the teachers' attention at once. But he went on furiously. "I'll have you know that I _have_ done Alice Cullen a million fuckin' times, and many others! You _homos_ don't even know what that's like, right? You've never even fuckin' been with a girl, except for that dike right there." He pointed a middle finger to Leah Clearwater, who immediately slammed her fist down.

Growls. Curses. Extremely tall, athletic guys standing. Teachers pointing, warning uselessly. I saw Edward free his arm from Tanya, saw Jasper get in front of James. He was muttering something only James can hear, but he wasn't getting his point across.

I felt a strong pull at my elbow.

"Bella, let's go," Alice was in tears; she had been sobbing the whole time.

I nodded. "Come on." We turned away from the scene, unlike everybody else.

Only Rose was occupying the bathroom when we got there, standing by the mirror. She probably shouted the other girls off; she had her shirt in the sink.

When she saw Alice, her mouth dropped open.

"Alice, what happened?" She dropped her shirt on the water. At least she had a bra. "Did you have something to do with all the shouting?"

I stood against the wall, not quite sure how to offer my comfort. Rose and Alice seemed closer than the latter and I were.

Alice sobbed. "I-I...broke up with James," she explained. "And, well, he j-just—" Alice choked. Rose looked at me, placing an arm around Alice.

"James got provoked by some kids," I wasn't comfortable calling them the La Push Kids—that sounded like a gang, "and he sort of told the whole school that he'd had sex with Alice many times." I edited, but it got the point across.

"Ow!" yelled Alice. "Rose, you're giving me a bruise. No need to squeeze me to death."

Rosalie seemed to be suddenly aware that she wasn't appropriately dressed. "Oh, sorry." She retracted her arm. Realizing her shirt was wet in the sink, she groaned.

"Do you want me to go to your gym locker and get your shirt?" I offered, hoisting myself from the wall.

Rose smiled. "That would be great, thanks. My combina—"

Our heads all turned to the outside, where loud crashes and shouts were coming from the cafeteria. From the sounds of it, tables were falling, and I heard punches and curses being thrown over the students' excited shouts.

"They're fighting," Alice figured. She was ghostly pale, her face stunned scared.

Rose had a different reaction. "What? _No_! I can't go outside looking like this!"

Before any of them could say anything else, I was out the bathroom doors and entering the cafeteria.

Chaos. Pure and utter chaos.

Teachers were shoving the children from coming toward the source of all the violence: the tables by the windows.

The scene was obscured by the dozens of students in the way, trying to see who was fighting whom.

Over the screams and disorder, rushing bodies and chanting teenagers, I braved my way through the crowd.

Bad idea. I was sure to get bruises in the morning.

I wasn't even close to all the fighting when I got pushed back by some other eager students. I fell to the floor, landing on my butt.

Before someone else could step on me, I stood up and ran for the door, retreating to the bathroom. Rosalie was annoyed, but I quickly made it up to her and made a fast trip to the gym lockers to hand her her shirt.

- - -

After school, Jasper met me by my locker.

My eyes widened as I saw him.

"Jasper!" I examined him. "Are you okay?" He had bruises on his arms, and a swollen lip.

He grimaced. "James did that," he admitted, pointing to his lip, "but it was worth it. I got more punches in that he did to me. I'm fine, but the month's detention is really annoying. Hey, did you need a ride home? I saw Alice came with you to school today."

"Oh, then I should probably look for her, then," I said, blushing at his offer.

But in the end, we couldn't find Alice anywhere. I started getting nervous, for me and for her.

"She probably needs some alone time," Jasper guessed, leading us to the parking lot. He took out the car keys, saying, "Rose is going home with Emmett today, so I get to bring her car home."

"Oh," I said, somewhat relieved that his sister wouldn't be there.

While passing by parked cars, we saw Edward and Tanya walking to Edward's Volvo. Actually, Tanya was hurriedly dragging an annoyed Edward by his elbow to his car.

"_That_ relationship's going down," Jasper commented lightly. "Tanya got a modeling gig at the mall, so I guess she's late for something."

He unlocked the red BMW, chuckling at his friend's predicament.

"Thanks again," I told him while we were in the car.

"No problem," Jasper said. "So...that was a heavy day, today, wasn't it?" We were moving through the traffic of students driving home.

I nodded gravely. "I'm sorry you got involved in it. I didn't think their breaking up would end that way."

"You knew that Alice was going to end it with James? You two are closer than I thought," he observed, surprised. "How'd you meet Alice?"

"She introduced herself."

He smiled. "Always the bubbly, confident one," he said.

"Are those good traits?" I pried. I was curious; how did Jasper see Alice? "For a girl, I mean."

It dawned on me that maybe he could take this the wrong way, and he'd think I was interested in becoming more than friends, but I wanted to help Alice in getting her guy, so I listened in.

"Well," he seemed to find it difficult to answer, "I wouldn't say those were _bad_ things for a person. Alice is nice. I mean, we're not that close or anything, even with the ridiculous amount of time she spends at our house. I just think Alice can be a bit...commanding. And sometimes I think she's too bubbly, too sprite, to be considered serious." He shook his head. "No wonder she and Rose get along so well."

"I don't think Alice is overly sprite or commanding, just fun and well-headed," I argued. "I think she's more _passionate_ about the things she does, you know, how she's confident enough to believe that she's right."

"Hmm," he mused, "I never looked at it that way."

When he dropped me off at my house, he still looked thoughtful.

- - -

At home, I had an idea of what the police thought of the situation.

Charlie came home later than usual, looking dog-tired, but he told me everything I missed at dinner.

"Well, we _are_ sure that it _wasn't _James Thadford who threw the first punch; it was Jasper Hale," Charlie explained. He was shaking his head disapprovingly. "Apparently James said some things." He rolled his eyes. "After that, Jacob and his friends—Paul, Embry, Seth, Jared—joined in. Then somehow James' other friends—they were sitting at another table—got involved, and Emmett McCarty and Edward Cullen started throwing punches too."

He prolonged the silence by chewing deliberately on his food, chucking three small bites to his mouth carefully.

"What's worse," Charlie continued, "is that we suspect some of those kids were on drugs. High. But we didn't have time for tests. Questioning them took long enough, and as far as I could tell they didn't _appear_ to be on something."

By that time he released a big yawn, so he excused himself and went to sleep.


	5. five

**5. provenance  
**point of origination

- - -

"Stop apologizing, Bella, you did nothing wrong," Alice said through the speaker phone.

I played with the phone cord. "But I assure you, Alice, Jasper and I are going just as friends."

She laughed. "Don't worry, I trust you." She paused. "Although it's actually Rose I'm worried about. She's kind of excited for tonight. She says Jasper actually fixed his hair for the first time in _days_. But I like his hair a bit messy."

"Maybe it's because tonight's his last outing for the whole month," I corrected her. "Jasper's grounded after that whole lunch thing, remember? I'm just sorry that he couldn't go with you."

Rosalie had filled me in on Jasper's punishment the other day:

"He's grounded for a month, not to mention detention," Rose said while we were in the gym lockers. "No parties, no dates, no TV, no video games or computer, just studies." Here she gave me a challenging look. "But I did convince my parents to let him go to a movie with you, since it would be rude to cancel out after having everything planned."

She expected me to be grateful. I think my response disappointed her. I told her that she didn't need to do that if it got in the way of their parents' wishes, and that we could've just re-scheduled.

"But, Bella," she replied. "Don't you want to spend time with my brother? I think you two would have fun together."

Cringing at the memory, Alice's voice in the phone brought me back from my thoughts.

"Bella, it's alright. It's my fault; I should have done something a while ago to get his attention," she sighed. "Just don't fall in love with him, okay? Fall in love with my brother instead. I don't have _any_ problems with that."

We laughed. But the butterflies in my stomach at the mention of Edward weren't funny.

"Besides," Alice said. "You and Edward are getting pretty close, right? I see you two talking everyday at lunch. Even Tanya gets pissed."

"Really?" I was surprised, and kind of embarrassed. Edward and I never really got past small talk, but I couldn't help but think that he'd be great for long conversations too. We actually had a lot in common regarding musical tastes and general opinions. Alice's sleepovers were becoming less a bother, especially when she would forget something at the grocery store and come back with dozens of grocery bags filled with junk food.

"It's pretty obvious where you two are going," Alice lightly said. "I mean, I've never seen Edward act like this, so _confused_. The other day Tanya was in the house and he was acting so distant, mumbling to himself and giving her weird looks. Tanya left early, annoyed." She laughed. "Bella, he's really into you! I just hope he and Tanya end it soon."

I stretched the fabric of my dark blue denim, tapping my boots on the stool. "Alice, I don't know," I muttered. "Edward's nice and all, but I don't think he'll be single in a long time." If she wasn't Tanya, Edward's next girlfriend would probably be someone better than me.

Just then the doorbell rang.

"That's my cue," Alice hung up.

I sighed, hanging up as well before answering the door.

Jasper stood there, wearing a nice blue shirt and dark jeans. Casual, but model-like. I was sure he was aware of this fact.

"Hi, Bella," he greeted, "ready to go?" He tilted his head to the red BMW parked on our driveway.

"Yeah," I smiled and locked the door behind me.

When we got inside, I wondered if Jasper had his own car. I'd never seen him ride in one other than Rosalie's.

"Do you have a car?"

"I have a motorcycle," he looked pleased. "So every time I hang out with someone else, I usually borrow this." He motioned to the steering wheel, which I then saw had the word _Rosalie_ engraved across.

I nodded my head.

The silence through the ride to Port Angeles was awkward and tense. I didn't know what to say, knowing my friend was in love with him. He drove carefully, though he hovered somewhere from eighty to ninety miles per hour.

"We're here," he announced as we got out of the car.

Passing by the car park side by side was better. Jasper seemed distracted, so I didn't see a reason to break the silence.

But as we neared the doors, Jasper stopped, looking at something over his shoulder. Apparently he saw something in the parking lot that meant trouble.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," he muttered. Giving me an impish smile when I was confused, he lead the way to the ticket booth.

He paid for both tickets, much to my dismay, but he shrugged it off as nothing.

As we headed for the concession stands, a cheery female voice yelled from behind. We both tensed.

"Jasper! Bella! I totally forgot you two were going to the movies!" Rosalie appeared in front of us, accompanied by a cheerful Emmett. They were sharing a bucket of popcorn, which smelled deliciously like butter.

"Yeah, fancy meeting you here." Jasper's voice was gruff. His sister took no notice.

"Anyway," Rosalie drawled, "do you guys want to double date, then? While we're here. Jasper, you said you wanted to do something like that, right?"

Her sibling narrowed his eyes. "Rose, Bella and I are here as friends. And we wouldn't want to disturb _your_ night out."

Rose shook her head, laughing innocently. "You're not disturbing anything," she dismissed the subject. "But you guys are here only _as friends_, then?" She looked at me.

"Yes," I clarified. "Just friends."

Rose seemed to find this news wonderful. "Well then you wouldn't mind if my friend tagged along with you two, then? Her name's Amber, and she's kinda lonely..." She twisted her body, searching for her friend. Emmett pointed a finger to a blonde standing by the bathrooms, looking bored. She wore a denim skirt and high boots, accentuating her long tan legs, leading up to her bright pink t-shirt.

Jasper and I were silent as Rose motioned for Amber to walk toward them.

"Amber," Rose pointed at me, "this is Bella, Jasper's friend. And that right there is my brother." We shook hands.

Amber looked at Jasper with unmistakable hunger in her face. "He's going to be my date?" she asked Rose. When the taller blonde nodded, she squealed rather loudly.

"I'm sorry," Jasper wiped the horrified look on his face with a polite smile, "but I don't think that—"

"Jasper!" Rose cut in, giving him a pointed look. "You don't want to leave Amber all alone, do you? I'm sure Bella wouldn't mind."

"Not at all," I muttered.

So, without our knowing how it happened, it was settled. Rose and Emmett were off to dinner, while Jasper, Amber and I went off to the theater.

Jasper sat in the middle, casting me embarrassed glances when he can. I told him not to worry about it, and tried to watched the movie as the lights dimmed.

_Tried_ is an appropriate word. Throughout the whole thing, all I could hear was Amber's whines and Jasper's repetitive whispers:

_"Amber, the popcorn is not on my lap. It's on the floor."_

_"No, I don't need to go to the bathroom anytime soon. Thanks for your concern."_

_"I don't have a jacket either."_

I tried to be patient, just like Jasper tried to be polite, but it got too much so I slumped back in my seat, forgetting the movie and closing my mind as best as I could.

Needless to say, I never dated Jasper after that.

- - -

The rest of the weekend passed comfortably, and it reminded me of Phoenix. Maybe because back home the weekends would be filled with books and lounging around, or keeping up to date with Renee's recent arbitrary activity.

Well, today I was on my bed, reading _Wuthering Heights_ again while waiting for the laundry to dry. I was in the mood for something dark and disturbing, as the summary promised.

The phone rang. It rang several times, actually, and I finally picked it up.

"Bella, it's Alice."

"Hey Alice, what's got you sounding so happy?"

A pause.

"Jasper and I are on a date! Movie and dinner!"

"Right now?"

"As we speak," she trilled.

"Wow," I said. "That was fast."

"I'd tell you the whole story, but my bathroom break's getting a little too long for my liking," Alice huffed out. "But today I went to his house and told him how I felt. Everything. I left him speechless_—_erm, well, I would have, if he hadn't carried me to his bike and went to the mall to start our date!"

"That's great, Alice, I'm glad you got what you wanted." And I really was. I lost my chance with Jasper in our "date" anyway.

After that call, she invited me over her house, but I declined, saying that I wanted to spend some time with Charlie. Alice insisted, but eventually let me be.

As I prepared myself for a good night's sleep, I promised myself that no matter what, things were not going to change for me. Depressing or hopeful thinking, I wasn't sure which one this was.

- - -

The following Monday, Edward greeted me when I parked in the school. It was weird, how I didn't see him until he was waving me down in front of the entrance doors. The bell would be ringing in ten minutes, so we took to walking slowly.

"So, what did you do this weekend?" he asked me, kicking gravel in his shoe aimlessly.

"Nothing much," I answered.

"Heard you went on a date with Jasper," he said. "But funny thing, yesterday I saw Alice and Jasper together." His face twisted into disgust. "Like, _together _together. Quite loudly, I tell you."

My shocked face made him laugh. It took me a second to figure out he was kidding. About the last part anyway.

"That's not funny," I told him. "Alice is my friend, but we're not _that_ open to details."

Seriousness colored his smile. He had a nice serious smile. It made his eyes seem more kind, in a scary way because they looked so green, so vibrantly green.

"That's just the thing, you and Alice _aren't _that close as friends." He sounded like he was talking to himself.

"Um, I don't get what you're saying." We had stopped walking and resorted to sitting on a bench just outside the office building. It was cloudy, and it was like I could smell the humidity in the air. One by one, cars were occupying the parking lot.

"Well, it's just..." he paused, unsure of what to say, "_Weird_. On Saturday, Jasper and you went out. Then the next day, I see him and Alice riding in his bike together. I don't understand: you _really _don't like Jasper?"

I wanted to tell him that it wasn't really his business, if I liked Jasper or not, but figured he was worried for his sister's sake.

"I think of Jasper as a friend, nothing more." His eyes were dazzling me, there was no other word for it. I looked down on my sneakers, kicking the dirt and fallen leaves.

Edward laughed. "Bella, I know how girls react to my best friend. And I have to admit, I thought you two were getting close to becoming...something. Jasper likes you,_ very much—_well, until Alice put him under her spell."

He dropped his books on the ground, coating his notebooks with moist dirt.

"Crap," he muttered. I laughed and helped him pick up the things.

"Don't worry, I'm probably clumsier than you," I told him. "I have enough scars and hospital trips to prove it. Grace is not my thing."

"Really?" He sounded interested. "I wouldn't have guessed; Jasper told me your team always won in badminton."

I cringed. "Well, that's because my partner's really good. I just sort of stand in the side while he does the actual playing."

He frowned. "Who's your partner?"

"Mike Newton," I said, sheepishly. I didn't want him to think I had a thing for Mike_—_Edward already thought I had wanted to get close with Jasper, and some fragment of hope was left of me, some anatomical part of my heart that knew Edward and I would work fine together.

"That's...good, I guess?" It sounded like a question. I guess he also knew how annoying Mike could be.

"Yeah. Real good." Memories of hitting myself with the bat, hitting _Mike_ with the bat, and the bruises that proved it passed through my mind.

Edward laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Your face." He clamped his mouth. "No! There's nothing wrong with it_—_it's quite pretty, actually, and it looks so _smooth_." Having realized what he blurted out, we both blushed.

"I-I meant you just looked so funny, you know, like you were remembering something horrible," he corrected himself. He cleared his throat and looked away.

I stood up, sliding my backpack's strap over my shoulder. "Well, um, I think I'll go to class now." Leave it to me to fumble about _my_ schedule for the day, which had been the same ever since I got here.

He didn't move when he said, "Yeah, um, I'll see you at lunch."

I blushed, tripped over the curb, but made it to English class in one piece.

- - -

Lunch had changed, ever since Alice and James' break up. Now, James sat with his friend Laurent Wolstenholme's table, which was filled with troublemakers_—_the types of guys who found themselves in the principal's office everyday, be it cheating or talking back or vandalizing school property.

"Personally, I think that table is where James belongs," Rosalie said one day. "I always thought he did drugs for a long time now. He was always going to those parties..." Her voice had grown weaker as Alice had stared her down for mentioning the name.

But that day, for some reason, Tanya wasn't sitting there. Neither were Alice or Jasper.

Suddenly I was nervous again if I wanted to sit by this particular table by the window. It looked boring...seeing Emmett and Rosalie huddled off to one side of the table, and Edward sitting at the other, picking his food and staring off at nothing. No one was talking.

Firmly holding my tray with one hand, I cautiously approached the table. I had an internal debate against myself about whether or not I wanted to be rejected, but it was not long until I stood in front of my usual seat.

Edward smiled. Again, he had a _very_ nice serious smile. My tray shook a bit.

"Hey," he gestured to the seat in front of him, usually Jasper's, "why don't you sit?"

I sat. Uncomfortable. Nervous. Mind all filled with cloudiness, some sort of heat that radiated itself as a blush. Rose and Emmett looked at me for a second, but I could tell they weren't really paying attention to anything other than each other.

I coughed. "So, where are Alice and Jasper? And Tanya?" I quickly added the last part, in wanting to be civil.

Edward shifted in his seat. "My sister and Jasper are off sitting by another table somewhere..." He nodded to a secluded table in the middle, at the very far edge of the wall. They were sitting side by side, and Jasper had his arm around Alice.

"Tanya?" I repeated.

"Sitting with her sister." He looked back to his food.

"Okay," I said, having a good guess of why that was happening. "So, will this be a one-time thing? Or is this going to be the way things are from now on?"

"Planning on going to another table?" he joked, but his smile seemed forced. Or maybe he just didn't like the cafeteria food.

"Just curious; leave it at that."

We weren't exactly having an easy conversation, but it sufficed the obvious silence that would have occurred otherwise.

He was explaining last week's Biology homework, having been gifted with a knack for remembering all the boring details.

It was very hard to keep up, and I had to focus my attention to what he was saying while his lips moved and explained the Krebs Cycle, the Electron Transport Chain, and who knows what else.

But he did say something after that easily got my attention.

"Would you like to be someplace with me?" he asked. It was just like the almost compliment he said about my face_—_he blurted it out.

So I wasn't sure if he meant to say it. He looked surprised by what he said, and nervous, definitely nervous, but he waited for my answer.

Silence.

Fork in my hand, hovering over my salad.

"Um..." I didn't know how to respond. "Yes. If you want to, that is."

He laughed, but it sounded like a sharp exhale. "I'm the one who asked; I think I'd want to."

"What would Tanya say about it?"

His smile was gone. Damn! "We've decided to stay friends. Leave it at that."

- - -

As we walked to our next class, my mind kept on going into panic mode whenever his long-sleeve-polo-clad arm would brush against my shoulder. He was so much taller compared to me, and I could tell he was walking slower than he would usually, because my steps were shorter than his.

"So," Edward cleared his throat, "I think I should tell you that I, um, that I like you." He looked at me. "A lot."

Well, he had taken the leap to the land of vulnerable pride, so shouldn't I return the favor?

No, and not just because I had been coward about it; we'd reached our seats by then.

Mr. Banner, a middle-aged man, wheeled in a cart holding a TV and VCR. Movie day.

"Yippee," I muttered as the darkness showed the blue lights in the screen. I could feel Edward's eyes on me. I looked back.

I don't know what else to say, other than we sort of looked at each other the whole time.

Was it a challenge? I didn't know—we were just looking, staring at each other's eyes. He might've been smiling, but his green eyes didn't complement that feature: his eyes were burning with some emotion, gazing at me intently.

There, I decided that Edward's eyes were irresistible, no matter what.

- - -

Walking to Gym was weird. I guess I was lost in a daze, all the way there. Edward walked beside me, seeming thoughtful about something.

My heart was putting me under a trance. At that instant, just in front of the gymnasium's doors, I stopped.

Edward looked at me funny. "What?"

"I like you too, Edward," I said, slowly and carefully. "Very much, actually. I, uh, really like you." Can't you tell?

He grinned. He put his palm on my jaw, his fingers behind my ear.

"That's nice to hear," he said. Then he was gone, off to his next class.

- - -

In Gym, Alice met up with me in the locker room.

"Sorry I wasn't there at lunch today," she didn't sound sorry, "but I did see you and my brother talking. That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah," I said, pretending to concentrate on putting on my shirt.

"Bella, why are you blushing?" she asked. "Wait…did Edward ask you out?" Her eyes were wide, mouth open, ready to scream wildly.

"Just…I'm going somewhere with him." I realized that we didn't really talk about our plans, so I frowned a bit at that.

Alice, however, was all glee. I let her have her victory dance, though I pretended to not know its source.

Suddenly, Rose was there. She talked to Alice.

"You and Jasper, huh? I didn't know you guys were into each other," Rose said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She wasn't angry, like I expected, rather, Rose was sad, as if genuinely hurt that Alice wouldn't tell her something.

"I don't know, Rose," Alice said. "You always said no one's caught Jasper's eye—well, until Bella. But I didn't want to, you know; tell you then have you send me off for liking your brother."

Coach Clapp blew her whistle, so girls started to get out. A cell phone rang, buried in the clothes and books.

"Oops," Alice rummaged through her purse. She checked her phone, which had stopped ringing—I guess it was a message—and got a confused look on her face.

Rose saw it too—Alice's face, I mean. She walked over to take the phone from her and read the message.

"James?" she said after reading. Alice nodded. Rose rolled her eyes, saying, "Don't worry about it: he's just being an ass. Jealous ex-boyfriend, you know? It's a phase."

Coach Clapp blew her whistle again. "Girls! Time for class!"

Walking out, Alice told me it was a message from James.

"He said I'd regret breaking up with him," she whispered. "It's weird, last night he texted me, saying we needed to talk and try to get back together." She shook her head.

"Are you going to report it?" I asked. It seemed reasonable.

"No," Alice decided. "Nothing's happened. I know James. He wouldn't do anything that would get him in trouble. He's not that stupid."

- - -

As I lay in bed, I felt woozy—woozy from the memory of that day, and even woozier when Edward called to check up on me. Charlie got suspicious, but I was vague enough so he wouldn't know I was talking to a boy. I'd have to explain that to him some other time.

The truth was, I didn't know if Edward and I were dating. We just made plans. We just happened to like each other and made plans.

But the more I thought about it, I realized that we didn't need to have said what we felt for each other. We made plans, so we'd be spending some time together, whether as friends or something more.

Really, that's all that mattered. At least, for now.

- - -

I woke up a little groggy and irritated.

"Stupid Edward," I muttered, "Invading my dreams…"

As I brushed my teeth, got dressed, ate breakfast, I thought angrily about how my mind had come down to dreaming about Edward. But school would hold some aspect for reality, so I hurried up and in minutes, I was out the door.

What I didn't expect was to see a silver Volvo parked across the street, with a Greek god leaning against the hood.

What a way to wake up…

I walked toward him, unsure, while he just grinned at me, happy to catch me unawares.

"Good morning," he got up, gave me a hug, and whispered, "How was your night?"

For some reason, our greeting seemed natural. Awkward, but natural.

"It was good," I said, softly patting his back, but also sniffing some of his scent.

Manly, I registered. Very Edward-like.

"Would you mind very much if I gave you a ride to school?" he asked, motioning to the car.

"I don't mind."

He smiled. "Let's go then."

On the way there, we were quiet for a while. He seemed thoughtful. I was beginning to think that maybe I should get used to this—seeing him think; which, all things considered, wasn't really a bad thing.

Then he broke the silence. "You don't have a cell phone, do you?" He sounded like he wanted me to not have a cell phone.

"No, I don't have one," I said. "I never saw a need for it."

He sighed, relieved.

"Why? What is it?" I asked him.

Reluctantly, he told me, "Well, ever since Tanya and I broke up, she's been leaving me messages, and I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting them too."

"Oh."I was a bit worried about that, but something else came up, something that I shouldn't really have mentioned. "Did you know that James has been texting Alice also? She told me that he kept saying they should get back together."

"Really?" Edward shook his head. "I guess we're both in the same boat."

"You're not going to do anything about it, are you?" I attempted to sound worried, but I was curious: I was hoping that he would do something about those messages, unlike Alice with hers.

"We'll see," he said.

- - -

Just like my first day, everyone was staring.

But, at least I had Edward with me to share my humiliation — although he wasn't blushing one bit.

"Relax," he whispered to my ear, "nothing's going to happen."

But Mike kept asking me questions. Jasper looked smug. Tanya had been fuming the entire class. Jessica and Lauren both gave me death glares.

By lunch, I was ready to throw myself out the window, when Edward appeared at my side.

He gave me another hug, though his arm was around my waist. "Hey," he said. "You look a little angry."

"Bad day," I told him as we walked to the cafeteria.

Alice and Jasper returned to our lunch table, so there were six of us now. Tanya still sat with her sister, and James kept his place with his not-so-good friends.

"I must say, I like this setting better," Edward told me, who was sitting across. I wasn't paying attention to the students' stares, not when I had a green-eyed one looking at me like that.

"Um, yeah," I agreed, munching on an apple. He chuckled. I was pretty sure it was my blush that caused that.


	6. six

6. **"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."**  
Albert Einstein

- - -

It's pretty safe to say that we fell into an easy routine at school: Edward picks me up, go through some uneasy stares from people, dodge questions, eat with Edward, Biology with Edward, dreadful gym, Edward drops me off or we hang out, yadda yadda yadda…

Not that I minded much, because as much as the people are concerned, Edward and I were together. Eric Yorkie even stopped talking to me—I felt bad for that one.

But the weekends were my most anticipated moments; when the routine takes a break, and I expect the unexpected. So far, Edward had taken me to Seattle, several libraries—probably my favorite spots—, and several restaurants.

This Saturday, he wanted it to be a surprise. That irked me a bit.

"Ready to go?" He asked, standing by my doorway at eight o'clock, dressed in a tan sweater and jeans.

"How could I be? You didn't tell me where we're going!" I was fuming, but I was also embarrassed because I was wearing my pajamas: big T-shirt and flannel pants.

Edward looked at my attire and laughed. "I can wait. Just wear something you usually wear. We're going to be outside."

I looked at him suspiciously. Outside? "Well, it is sunny out…" I headed for my room, dressing in a loose-fitting blue shirt and dark jeans. Putting on a thick pair of socks—it was March; Forks was still stuck in January—I headed down the stairs.

"Decent?" I asked him, who was sitting on the couch.

He looked me over, nodded, and stood up. "Very."

Pretty soon we were at the familiar Volvo, listening to his Coldplay CD, _A Rush of Blood to the Head_.

"Which Coldplay album do you like best?" he asked me. We were driving on the one-oh-one.

"Probably this one," I said. "You?"

"I think I like _X & Y_ better. It's catchier."

"Favorite song?"

"By Coldplay?" I nodded. "White Shadows."

I smiled. "I remember hearing you listening to it. It was my first time coming over your house."

He smiled at the memory also, but his enjoyment ran deeper, I could tell by the way he looked away mischievously.

"Something you're not telling me?" I said.

"Maybe," he admitted. He looked at me quickly. "I heard you, as well, the first time you slept over."

"Heard me? How?"

"I heard what you and Alice were talking about. I'd just come back from Tanya's," he shuddered at the mention of his ex-girlfriend's name. "Oh, those were the times…"

I was blushing. "You heard our whole conversation?" I asked.

"Not the whole thing," he said, slightly worried by my expression. "Oh, come on, Bella, no need to be embarrassed about it! You didn't even say anything _that_ humiliating."

I thought back to that night. "I told Alice that I liked you," I recalled, "and that I was fine with Alice going after Jasper." No wonder Edward had been acting funny that morning, well, according to Alice anyway.

"That's actually when I first got interested in you," he admitted, almost shy. "'Course, you looked absolutely attractive in your holey T-shirt and big pants; I think that's what pulled me in."

I shoved him playfully in the arm, meanwhile enjoying what he said _before _that last statement.

"But seriously," he said, "I was so confused when you just let Alice practically _take_ Jasper from you. It made me wonder what kind of a person you were."

He looked at me then, with more feeling than I could ever express.

I cleared my throat, looking forward. "Keep your eyes on the road." When I could still feel his stare, I scowled. "Seriously!"

- - -

I found out we were going on a hike. Across the shady forest, and somewhere he didn't care to explain then.

"At least I'm wearing boots," I muttered to myself. But it had gotten quite warm, and I wished I'd had put on something lighter. I took off my sweater, leaving me with my blue T-shirt and pants.

Edward smiled. "It'll only get warmer. You should've brought flip-flops."

"That's not my fault, is it?" I snapped, but I was too excited to pretend to be angry.

He laughed, pulling me by the elbow, as if I were a child. "Come on, let's go. Just stay close, all right?"

Like I'd do anything else.

- - -

"Are we there yet?" I asked. I felt sweat forming on my neck and forehead, and I pulled the cuffs of my jeans to my knees.

Edward whacked off a tree branch in the way. "Just a few more minutes, impatient one. How many times have you asked that?"

"Not enough, apparently," I scoffed. "We're still not _there_—wherever _there_ is."

He rolled his eyes. "It's a clearing I found a little away from the spot me and the guys used to play baseball on," he explained. "I thought it'd be nice to visit it again. I haven't been there in months."

"And you're sure about where you're going?"

"We're not lost, if that's what you mean." He pretended to be offended. "I can't believe you don't trust my sense of direction. Have I not shown you the whole of Seattle like an expert tour guide already?"

"Yeah, but that's a city. This is a forest. No street signs, mile marks; I doubt you could MapQuest this place."

"They're places just the same," he said.

I stopped, taking deep breaths. Edward stopped in front of me.

"Bella," he teased, "do you need me to carry you? We're almost there."

"You said that thirty minutes ago."

"We've only been hiking _for_ thirty minutes." I was pretty sure he was rolling his eyes. "Now, come on, it's just up ahead." He took my hand, and I suddenly found new energy to keep going. But I made sure to walk _slowly_, because I didn't want him to let go. If he noticed, he didn't pay mind.

He asked me a few more questions, some I never even considered would be asked of me ("What type of perfume do you like most?" "What's your favorite instrument?" "Which summer did you like best?"), but I tried to answer them honestly ("I don't wear perfume," "I don't play an instrument, but I do like the piano," and "All my summers were similarly filled with books and grocery shopping.").

He looked at me, smiled, then, "Close your eyes," he breathed.

"Are you going to kill me?" I said.

"Come on, it makes it more dramatic, you know?" He put his hands in front of my face, staying close behind.

My heart thumped. "I never knew you were one for the special effects." I closed my eyes, feeling his warmth all around me. Or maybe it was the sun, because I was pretty sure Edward was leading us to the center of the clearing.

In the silence, I could hear Edward breathing (which was good, I guess, hearing his proof of living, but the point was he was breathing hard, and my neck was getting goose bumps where he blew air on my skin).

"Okay," his hands were off my face, "no more special effects. Open 'em brown eyes."

I opened my eyelids. The first thing that greeted me was the sunlight, coming from somewhere to the left. It made the green grass a vibrant color, and the trees that surrounded the meadow had more life than the ones inside the forest.

"Wow," I whispered, twirling around so I could see a full view. "Who knew trees could be so beautiful? I mean, we have lots of them in Forks, but when you look at the ones here…"

"They look a lot wilder. More natural," Edward said.

I nodded. "Yeah." I looked at him. He was smiling at me, his white teeth showing clearly in the sunlight.

"But the best part is when there are days like this," he pointed to the cloudless sky, "and you could see _everything_. No overcast sky to obscure your view."

And I_ could_ see everything. I could see everything in those scorching green eyes, made more profound when there was _more _green for them to reflect on. I wondered what was behind those eyes, what interests they held, and everything in between.

"What are you thinking?" Edward whispered, and I noticed we were standing inches apart: his face was right in front of mine, my head tilted up.

"I'm thinking that I want to know everything about you," I said.

"Ask me anything," he said, holding my face with his hands. But there would be no talking.

Slowly, ever so hesitant, he slid one hand along my spine and brought my body closer.

"Bella," I saw his mouth form the word, but my ears were ringing, my heart pounding, to be sure if he actually said it. He tilted his head, and then moved closer until I felt his soft lips on mine.

The kiss lasted for a few seconds and he pulled away, his face stretched into a grin.

"There," he said, grazing my cheek softly. "Now it's clear where our relationship stands. I was getting worried we were only going to be _best friends_."

I rolled my eyes, but I had been concerned about the same thing.

"I guess it's always good to be sure. Though I think everyone else knew what we were before we did." I sighed and put my arms around his waist, leaning my head against his chest.

We stayed like that for a few moments, but then Edward groaned.

"Ugh, I forgot to bring the picnic basket," he told me, and I was surprised to see him blushing.

I looked up to face him. "We were going to have a picnic?"

"Well, what did you think we were going to do in here the whole time? Lay down?"

I grinned, tightening my arms around him. "That wouldn't be such a bad way to spend the day, to be honest."

He shook his head in amusement. "You're just too much of a distraction," he muttered. "I can't believe I forgot about our plans."

"It's fine," I told him. "Really, I'd like to try that lying down in the grass the whole day."

Suddenly I was in his arms, and he'd quickly kissed my cheek before saying, "Well then, let's go. To the grass."

- - -

"You're brilliant. This _is _a good idea." He was holding me close, his head by my shoulder, nose skimming my collarbone. I was about to explode right there. My breathing was embarrassingly shallow.

A sigh escaped my lips.

"Getting bored?" he teased. His breath was ticklish on my neck.

"Well, I'm really not doing anything here," I mumbled, trying to be angry. With latent confidence, I guided his head up to meet mine and I kissed him hard, wanting more and more and more.

I staggered a bit when he reciprocated, my head thudding on the grass, and some of his weight was lifted off me when he supported himself over by his arm.

Our breaths ragged, faces warm, he pulled back. His eyes were fiery, whereas I bet mine were wide and shocked.

"I love you," he whispered, before kissing along my jaw, tantalizingly slow kisses. I wonder if he knew that the way he was dragging his mouth across my skin was absolutely driving me crazy.

I opened my mouth to say something, but all that came out was a gasp.

"Edward, stop distracting me," I pleaded, wanting to get my say in the conversation as well.

"I can't," he mumbled on my skin. He was also breathing fast and hard. "I'm in too deep…I'm." Breathe. "In." Kiss "A." Breathe "Trance." Then he kissed me fully on the mouth, throwing all my thoughts miles away.

- - -

When the day was over, and he'd dropped me off well past into the night, I stumbled into bed straight away and plunked down, thinking of the day's events.

After the our day in the meadow, we'd eaten the picnic food in his car, and spent the rest of the day driving around, just talking—we reached Port Angeles, and we were heading up to Seattle when Edward got hungry.

"I'm in the mood for something sweet," he said. He headed for a Dunkin' Donuts, slowly pulling up the drive-thru window.

He was looking at the menu. "You want anything?"

"I'm not that hungry yet," I said.

He looked at me. "Really? It's been hours since we ate. You sure?" I nodded.

He ended up ordering a dozen donuts, three coffees, a bagel, and a box of munchkins.

I appraised all the food. "Um, wow, you are hungry."

"You're going to eat some, of course," he said with a grin, offering the food to me. "Here, take your pick."

"I thought I said I wasn't hungry." I took a chocolate-glazed munchkin.

"You think I'm not going to pamper you?" he said. "I won't ever let you go hungry, ever again."

"You're weird."

"You love me," he raised an eyebrow, sipping his coffee.

I rolled my eyes. "That's no excuse."

"It's the only one I need," he laughed, but we headed for Forks.

- - -

The next day he took me to his house, saying he wanted me to meet his family—which was ridiculous, since I'm friends with Alice, and I have met his parents in passing. But I guess he wanted everything to be proper, so I spent the day at the Cullens, though Alice left early afternoon to meet with Jasper. Carlisle and Esme, two young-looking adults who were extremely nice to me, went out shortly after.

Most of the day had been spent in his couch, watching some movies and talking and holding hands.

"I think I'm going to have another routine," I told him absentmindedly, while sitting on his lap.

"And what would that be?" He was tracing circles on my cheeks, making them blush a crimson red.

"Well, I spend most of my time with you, then at home I mostly think about you," I pointed out. "So, really, my life pretty much revolves around you. It's my routine: Edward."

He smiled. "Well, I give you a schedule; you give me a religion, so I think we're pretty even." He kissed me then, pressing our bodies together.

I gripped his shoulders tight. "I don't know if I should be thanking you for giving me a new lifestyle," I smiled, closing my eyes when he sucked lightly on my neck.

"Ha," he laughed sharply, happiness in his eyes as he looked up. "You think you have it bad—I worship you _all the time_. What are you, really? You're something else—I don't think you're human. A goddess, maybe."

"Yeah," I nodded, but it was hard, being trapped between his face and the sofa. "I'm actually a siren—you know, the one who calls you to your death." I laughed, finding myself thinking of silly things—in my defense, Edward was the one making me feel all slaphappy. It was weird.

"It doesn't matter," he kissed me again. "Just as long as it's you, whatever you are." He looked at me like I was some unidentifiable object: an alien.

I scowled. "Thanks so much."

He laughed, and ruffled my hair softly. "No, really, I want you just the way you are—no, not want: I _need_ you just the way you are."

"Getting dependent, are we?"

"And you're mocking me for what my heart—what all of me—loves." He was smiling, but it was a wistful smile—no playful banter.

A moment of seriousness passed between us, I had to look down.

"I guess I'm overwhelmed," I confessed, concentrating on the rug patterns. "I mean, I've never felt like this before. I'm still wondering if it's all real." I looked at him. "I mean, do you really feel that way about me? 'Coz those are some pretty big words."

He looked worried. He stood up, and I pouted when he walked across the room, thinking to himself.

"Well," he faced the wall in front, "I _do _feel all those things—and more." When he turned around, his face was apologetic. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I'd never want that to happen." His eyebrows were knit together when he walked toward me, kneeling just in front of the sofa.

He took my hands, which had gone limp on my lap. "Bella," he said. "You just make me feel…so alive. When I'm with you, my emotions are just too much to contain. I never want to be apart from you again."

My mind was reeling with all this information. Who knew I'd fall in love in high school? Top that: who knew someone _else_ would fall in love with me in high school?

Everything about him was just so overwhelming.

Edward looked at me, expecting me to say something.

"Well, what do you want me to say?" I said. "I can't really top that, can I? You're just too much."

He grinned. "Will that keep me away from you?"

"No," I touched his face. "Never." I touched his lips, and it parted beneath my finger. "I'm just going to have to prove to you that I love you as much as you love me."


	7. suspicion

**7. "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"**  
Abraham Lincoln

- - -

Just as I dreaded, the normal routine of school returned. Though, I admit, life seemed brighter whenever I thought of Edward, I couldn't ignore the all-too familiar exercise of boring teachers, boring lectures, deathly glares, and suspicious whispers.

Not that the rumors were completely false, because Edward had no problem at all with public displays of affection, just like the time I saw him and Tanya on my first day. Only this time, the girl was not so willing to kiss in public. The most he got out of me was a short—five minutes—kissing session at the parking lot.

"Bella," he had whined, "you_ really_ should stop being so self-conscious. Everyone's judging anyway, so why not have the most fun out of it?"

"Well, you're not really helping matters here," I'd said. "And you know we have plenty of time at home."

Yes, at home, either his or mine, we did a lot of kissing as well—mind, we were careful never to let Charlie see us in that state. Our ragged breaths and disheveled clothes might give him the wrong idea.

Though we haven't talked about it, the topic of sex was never necessary. We both weren't ready for that. But we were ready for smaller things…

Like telling Charlie. We'd told him when Edward first stayed for dinner to actually eat. He pretty much guessed where we were going, but he was still suspicious after.

"Dad?" I remembered my voice shaking slightly as I looked at him across the table, and Edward who was at my left.

"I told you to call me Charlie," he gruffly said, never taking his stern eyes from Edward. It embarrassed me, the difference between my parents and Edward's.

"Yeah, um, as you can see, Edward is with us at the table," I said lightly, trying to keep things conversational. I gestured to the god beside me.

Charlie reddened. "Yes, I can see that. May I ask _why_ he is with us at the table?"

Here Edward took over, the perfect example of calm. "Well, sir," he said, "Bella and I have begun dating, and_ she_ thought it appropriate that I should meet you formally." He emphasized on the she part, so it would seem that _I _was the responsible one in this relationship.

Charlie harrumphed, but continued eating, never minding one bit the silence. I grinned at Edward, and he squeezed my hand from under the table.

"But you kids better not be doing what I know you want to be doing," Charlie said, not looking up from his plate. He looked at Edward, pointing his fork toward him. "Just remember, boy: _you_ control your body parts. Not the other way around."

Edward coughed a little on his salad. I sighed.

"So Bella," Charlie said in a lighter tone, "Billy's planning on having a house party sometime next week. He's been wanting to see you."

"Oh." I remember Billy Black from m childhood. He likes to tell stories about his descendants. He also teases me a lot when I occasionally went fishing with them. "Yeah, sure. I haven't seen him in a while."

"'Course," he said, "Jacob and his friends are going to be there, but they'll be in their best behavior. The oldest, Sam, he keeps everyone in check."

I could see Edward clench his jaw. It struck me weird why his group and Jacob's never got along. In the cafeteria, when they would see each other, all you see are glares.

- - -

"Come on, Edward, we're going to be late."

This cheater wasn't listening. My mind was running out of excuses. I was trapped between Edward and the wall (and I liked it).

Not good. Not good. Oh, this was _heaven_.

"Mmmh." I couldn't believe I just made that sound. Edward stopped kissing my neck and looked at me with a smirk.

"I made you moan," he said smugly. He cupped my cheek.

"Oh, _now_ you stop," I grumbled.

"We're going to be late," he mimicked.

"Idiot," I muttered. He laughed. I glared. "Seriously, if I didn't love you, I would be extremely annoyed."

"Or extremely frustrated," he observed, taking my hand and leading us to Biology.

- - -

It was the next day.

"Favorite song by Muse?" I asked, fingering through Edward's CD collection in the glove compartment.

We were parked at school, having arrived thirty minutes early. Only teachers would come at a time like this.

"Hmm…" Edward said. "I'd have to say, "Stockholm Syndrome." But that's a tough choice. Plenty of Muse to pick from."

I nodded. I was just asking him random questions about music, whichever CD I came across. "Linkin Park?"

He didn't answer. He took the CDs from me and reached his hand for my face. Almost immediately, I brought my lips to his. Fumbling with my seat belt, I took to a more comfortable position on his lap, though the steering wheel was digging on my back.

I sighed. I moaned. He did too, plenty of times. I think I even laughed a bit. We kept right on kissing.

Then there was a knock on the window. _Thud thud thud!_

In my surprise, I yanked myself from Edward, hitting the horn on the steering wheel in the process. _Beeeeeeeeep!_

Then, _thud thud thud!_

"Alright already," Edward muttered. We looked at the source of the knocking, and saw Mr. Banner, looking angry and flustered. He made a motion for me to get off my boyfriend, and for us to get out the car.

We did as we were told, and I fixed my hair a bit to lessen the damage.

"Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan," Mr. Banner started with a gentle voice, growing louder, and a grim smile that turned to a nasty grimace, "why is it that I always see the two of you—ah…how do I put it—in the middle of a public display of affection? Before class! Before school! After class! After school!"

"We are very affectionate people," Edward said, trying to be serious.

Mr. Banner shook his head. "I can't turn a blind eye on this sort of behavior: next time, you'll be getting detention and a call home." He paused. "On second thought, I think I will just go on ahead and call both your parents. That way you two will be reprimanded of your actions more appropriately."

I looked on with horror as the teacher turned around and headed for the school building.

"Bastard," Edward muttered. "You'd think, by the way he's talking, he'd use the word _osculate_."

"He's going to call home!" was all I said. Edward looked at me, blinked, and smiled.

"Don't worry, love," he said, "nothing's going to happen. He's done that a lot, and he's always bluffing. Even if he _did_ call home, he can't do anything else."

"Okay," I said unsurely. "Just don't let it happen again."

Before I could say anything, Edward kissed me on my forehead.

"Let's go," he tugged on my arm. Students were coming, and Edward and I had to be very discreet when sneaking into the library every morning.

- - -

Mr. Banner called my father while he was at the police station.

So, as expected, I got a hefty lecture at home.

We were sitting at dinner, and Charlie's face was as red as tomatoes.

"I cannot be_lieve_ you got in trouble, Bella," he said. "And with a boy, too! You were seen _osculating_ during school hours!"

I remained silent.

Charlie sighed dramatically. "You are _grounded_, young lady. For two weeks. No more Edward until you figure out how to avoid staying in trouble with him around."

I choked a bit. "_Grounded?_ Nothing really happened! It wasn't even during school." Well, that time when Mr. Banner caught us wasn't during school hours.

Charlie blinked, as if he figured something. "Is _that_ why you've been leaving the house so early? And he picks you up too…"

"Yes."

He slammed his fork on the table. "Grounded for two weeks! No loopholes. No TV, computer, phone, going out, and everything else you do for fun."

- - -

Alice called that evening. Charlie made a noise of disapproval, but when I told him who it was, he allowed me to talk. He liked Alice, saw nothing wrong in her. But maybe that's because he compared her to her brother.

"Bella, I just want to say that the next couple of words will be hard for me to say without laughing out loud," she began in a grave voice.

I groaned. "I assume that means it has something to do with Edward."

Alice squealed. "You guessed it! Although I'm really sorry to say it, I can't help but laugh at him."

"Can't you just tell me?" I said.

"Edward's been grounded for two weeks! The school called today, and Esme had a fit. Oh my God you should have seen it! Edward was blushing like a schoolgirl. Hilarious." She was laughing hard, and I strained my ears to catch every word.

"Um, yeah, that's funny really," I muttered. "But Alice, _I'm _grounded too. Two weeks. No loopholes or anything. I'm not even supposed to be talking to you right now."

Her laughing stopped.

"No!" she wailed. I had to put the phone away from my ear. But I can still hear. "Bella, this _sucks!_ I wouldn't have thought they would call you too! I thought only Edward would get in trouble."

"Well, it takes two to kiss," I grumbled irritably.

"But he's done far worse than kissing in public," Alice said. "And it's unfair that _you_ would get equal punishment."

"Where is he right now?"

"In his room. Throwing his phone off the wall. Tanya's been sending him messages like crazy."

"She's still texting him?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, yeah," Alice said. "Don't you know?"

"He told me they stopped a while ago." I was confused. Why would Edward keep something like that from me?

"Maybe it's not that big of a deal," Alice suggested, as if reading my mind.

"Alice," I said, "does James still send _you_ messages?"

A pause. "Yes."

"Alice! You have to do something about it!" Realizing Charlie was at the room next door, I lowered my voice. "What does he say? It's been three weeks."

She got defensive. "He doesn't say anything _bad_. He just wants us back together." I could tell she wasn't telling me the whole thing.

"What else?" I urged.

"Just some other similar stuff," she said stiffly.

Charlie came back to the kitchen, going to the refrigerator.

"We'll talk about this at school," I said and hung up, seeing that Charlie was not going to leave his place nearby any time soon.

- - -

My life was reduced to pining for school. Specifically, I longed for lunch and Biology, and the stolen kisses in between classes.

It had been a week of torture. There was no Edward to pick me up and greet me in the morning, no handsome green-eyed boy to lie with me in bed. I did see him, of course, but it wasn't enough.

Parents really know where to hit 'em where it hurts.

Today was Saturday, bright and sunny. A perfect day out. Charlie was at home, having no plans.

"Actually," he said, "Billy's invited us to go to his house party today. D'you want to come along?"

"I thought I was grounded."

"Just this once, I guess it's okay. Not like the Cullens are going to be there. Besides, I told Billy you were going to be there."

I jumped at the chance of going out. Being confined in the house had been harder than I thought, especially when I've read my books exhaustedly.

"Yeah, sure. What time?"

"This afternoon," Charlie smiled. "Dress casual, of course."

- - -

Billy Black lived in the La Push reservation, a small community of Native Americans. Though it had its own school, Billy, like most of the parents there, wanted the kids to be exposed to as much diversity as possible, so they sent their kids to Forks High.

The house was packed.

"Billy has a lot of friends," Charlie explained. "Look around. You might find someone you know."

I looked on skeptically. I bumped into Jacob Black.

"Isabella Swan?" The tall, beautifully russet-skinned boy held his hand. I shook it.

"I'm Jacob," he said, his voice friendly and deep. "You know my sisters Rachel and Rebecca?" he added, when I didn't recognize him.

"Oh!" I said. "Are they here? I haven't seen them since we were eight."

He shook his head. "Rebecca's away at college, and Rachel's in Hawaii." He smiled. "She married a surfer."

"Wow," I said. "Tell her congratulations for me."

"Will do." He nodded.

We needed conversation. _I _needed some sort of interaction.

"So, what grade are you in?" I asked him.

He looked at me. "Sophomore. And you're a junior, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you're going out with Edward Cullen," he finished.

I blushed. "Yeah." Gee, I wonder how he found _that_ out.

Jacob laughed. "Why're you so shy about it? I mean, it _is_ Edward Cullen, but—"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. I wasn't being defensive, just plain curious to what he thought of Edward.

He shrugged. "My friends have always been on bad terms with him and his friends. Nothing truly personal, we just go way back."

"But I thought the Cullens moved two years ago."

"It's not just the Cullens," Jacob said. "Mostly it's against James and anyone he hangs out with."

"Why?" I wanted to know.

He looked away warily. "Ah…well, James Thadford is a jackass. Ever since middle school, he's always been one. We're just holding one long gigantic grudge against each other."

"That seems…um," I wanted to say _stupid_, but I didn't want to seem rude.

Jacob watched my grimace. "It's okay. It does sound pathetic, when you think about it." He ran his fingers through his long black hair. "I mean, all of our hatred just because of _drugs_." He laughed again.

"Drugs?" I snapped. "What do you mean? You guys fought over drugs? Back in middle school?"

"Not me, not back then," he said. "I was in seventh grade. Sam, Leah, Jared, and Paul. _They_ used to do drugs with James and Laurent and some other people all the time."

"You mean Laurent Wolstenholme?" I couldn't believe I was being nonchalant about this whole drug ordeal. I mean, for all I know, Edward may have been involved. But it seemed unlikely.

"Yeah," Jacob said. He checked around again, seeing if anyone was listening. "Hey, you want to go someplace quieter? There's a lot of people, and I don't think my dad would want to hear…"

"Sure," I said. The living room was crowded, and the best place had been the garage. It was located behind the house, a narrow driveway leading by the side.

The inside was hot and humid, but it wasn't that bad. Jacob handed me a soda and we sat on the hood of a red car that looked like a station wagon.

"It's a Volkswagen Rabbit," he said, taking a sip of his soda. "I'm working on its engine."

We stared outside, listening to the shouts and music from the party.

"So, tell me how you got Edward Cullen to break up with Tanya," Jacob said casually. "Those two were joined to the hip." He looked at me. "But I guess I know why."

I blushed. "It wasn't me, really. They weren't working out."

He snorted. "Whatever you say." He fished something from his pocket. A brown paper bag, rolled and folded.

"Want some?" he asked, unrolling the paper.

"Drugs?" I asked, a tone of dislike in my voice.

He smiled. "If you've never tried it, you can't judge." But he put it back to his pocket.

My nose crinkled. "I don't get it; it's bad for your health."

"So is stressing yourself out," Jacob said lightly. "But people do it all the time."

"How long have you been doing this?"

"A while."

- - -

"Tell me again why you do drugs," I said, "when you have _this_."

My jaw was open, my eyes wide, marveling at the dirt bikes behind the garage. He fixed them himself. There were three, one red, and two black. All had muddy wheels.

Jacob patted the black motorcycle with slight affection. "It's not very discreet," he said. "I can't put it in my pocket. But it has its points."

We'd been at Billy's house for hours, and I've yet to talk to anyone else. Something was telling me that I should feel guilty, but Jacob had been nothing but friendly, and everything but creepy.

"D'you want to try?" he asked with amusement.

"I don't know how."

"I'll teach you."

"Now?" I asked worriedly. "That's not very polite. It's your house party."

He grinned. "They won't notice." He saw my concern. "But we don't have to. I just thought—"

"Yo! Jacob! You there?" A voice yelled from the other side of the garage. We froze, listening to footsteps arriving.

"Where've you been? I thought we were—" Two figures stopped when they saw us standing by the bikes.

Two boys, both very tan, looked surprised. One had short buzz-cut hair, and the other's had chin length hair, parted in the middle.

The shorter one, the one with the buzz-cut, snapped out of his surprised daze and held his hand.

"Hi, I'm Embry Call." We shook hands.

"Bella," I said softly. I felt like a midget compared to these three.

"I'm Quil Ateara," said the other one, waving his hand awkwardly before jamming his hand in his pocket. I mumbled a polite greeting.

"So," Embry's voice boomed, "what were you two doing back here? Nothing inappropriate, I hope?"

I blushed. Oh God, this guy was confident and teasing.

"Nothing like that," Jacob said. "We were just thinking of riding the bikes. But we're gonna go to the party now."

Embry grinned. "Okay, leave _just_ when we've arrived. I get it, Jakey." He turned to me. "Nice to meet you, Bella."

"You too, Embry."

He looked at me curiously. "Aren't you Cullen's girlfriend?"

"Um," I said. "Edward Cullen. Yeah."

To my relief, he nodded and said nothing else.

- - -

It must've been six when we left. Charlie was slightly red-faced, so I offered to drive. He sheepishly agreed.

"I saw you talking to Jacob Black." He was breathing loud.

"Yeah. He's nice," I said. Jacob was funny, and he never seemed to take anything too seriously.

"Are you going to talk to him at school now?"

"I don't know." I thought about it. "Maybe. If we have the chance."

- - -

To my surprise, Jacob rang the doorbell the next morning.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. Shocked didn't even cover my expression.

Jacob was smiling wide, cheery and childish. "Charlie said it was fine."

"Charlie?" I said. "But he's at work." The wheels turned in my head, and I figured he wanted me to give a good influence on this kid. Or he wanted me to have a distraction from Edward.

I let Jacob in.

"So, what were you doing on this beautiful day?" he asked me as he sat on the couch.

I plopped down on the armchair. "Nothing much. Cleaning around, I guess."

He raised an eyebrow. I dare you to make a remark, I thought icily.

Jacob shrugged. "Want to do something more fun? Though I suppose sweeping and laundering are very fun activities, if you like being Cinderella and sing along with dust swirling around you."

I glared. "I'm grounded for another week. No loopholes."

"Charlie said it was fine." He was unbothered.

I bit my lip. "How do I know you're not lying?"

He laughed. "_If_ I was lying, then you could tell Charlie that I forced you to go with me, and then there'd be no blame on you." He stood up. "Come on, I'm going to teach you how to ride the dirt bikes."

_What?_

"Don't tell me you don't want to," he warned.

"Fine," I headed upstairs. "Be right back."

- - -

So far, I've fallen three times. The bike was not even on.

"It's too heavy!" I complained. "How am I supposed to hold it upright when my legs don't even reach the ground?"

Jacob was holding the black motorbike in place. "You angle it. Like _this_." He tilted the bike to the left, effectively throwing me down to the ground.

"Ow," I said coldly, glaring up at him.

"Sorry," Jacob said, righting the bike and helping me up. "I forgot; you're so light."

No, you're just so strong, I wanted to say.

"Okay," he breathed. "You remember how to work the clutch?"

"Yes." My car was a manual, so the gears were familiar. Besides, I wasn't going to go fast.

"Okay, hop in."

- - -

By the end of the day, I was exhausted. We were sitting in Jacob's garage, same as yesterday, only without the loud party music.

"You did good," Jacob told me. "But next time, you should go faster. You barely went over forty."

"Maybe if I wasn't so terrified of dying, I will," I said.

Jacob's eyes shone as he smiled. "So there'll _be_ a next time?"

"Yeah." I was surprised that I actually meant my words. "Can't wait for next time."

He stood up. "I guess I should go. I came here to stop you from getting bored, and I think I succeeded."

I smiled. "It wasn't _just_ you; it was the bikes."

"Oh, that hurts, really," he drawled, heading for the door. "Don't bother walking me out," he said when I made a move to get up. "You should get some sleep."

When I heard his truck—he came over with Billy's red pick-up truck—pull away, I sighed. Today had been fun and new, but I wondered how Edward, or anyone else, would take it.

In my paranoia, I had called Alice.

"Bella?"

"Hi, Alice, I know I'm not supposed to call, but…yeah, what Charlie doesn't know won't hurt him." My lips were moving fast; I was nervous. I clenched my stomach.

"Bella, you're scaring me. Did something happen?"

"Nothing really," I said. "I just spent the day with…um, Jacob Black." I sounded unsure.

There was a pause.

"I thought you were grounded." She was suspicious.

"Apparently Charlie said it was fine," I told her. "Anyway, I don't know, I just wanted to tell someone I guess."

"Did something happen?" I could imagine her eyes going wide.

"No! Nothing like that," I said. "We just, hung out."

"But he does drugs!" Alice exclaimed. "Bella, did you…"

"No." I scowled. "I think that's why Charlie let me spend time with him. So I could be a good influence."

"That's weird, to be honest."

"It is."

"But Bella," her tone was motherly, "if you _felt_ that you needed to tell someone about today, then you must've thought it was wrong. And, from what you told me, I think it's good that you're hanging out with Jacob, even though it _is_ Jacob Black. The kid needs guidance."

"Um, I guess" was my reply. "How's Edward?" My heart ached to hear his voice, or hear someone else say his name, so I could be reminded that he _is_ real.

She laughed. "I think he's mastered playing the piano now. He used to play it as a kid, but now he actually has the time to practice. He's desperate."

I smiled, but I wanted to hurl. Why did I feel guilty? Edward was playing the piano, and I had been with Jacob.

But Jacob was my friend. Yeah?

I was unsure. It scared the crap out of me.


	8. turnstiles

**8. aposiopesis  
**a sudden break in speaking, implying that the speaker does not want to continue his sentence (usually represented by an em dash, a double en dash, or an ellipsis)

- - -

"Freedom!" I had whispered breathlessly when the clock struck twelve at midnight.

Two weeks. Without talking to Edward.

What did I accomplish?

Nothing that occupied my thoughts long enough to distract me from Edward.

It seemed all very theatric, when I woke that Wednesday morning. The clouds were threatening to pour heavy rain, and my room could not have gotten any darker.

I tripped on the way to the bathroom, fell on the way downstairs, but none of it mattered.

The clock was ticking, and I couldn't wait to get outside.

Grabbing a granola bar, shoving it in my mouth (very ladylike, yes?), then chugging down some milk, I practically ran to the door and opened it wide.

For a second, I closed my eyes.

But I opened them. I smiled.

Edward's Volvo was in the driveway, slight mist making the windshield dewy. Edward was standing by the driver's door, leaning contentedly. He was smirking, and I couldn't help but blush at my obvious display of missing _this_ vision in the mornings.

He laughed. "Get over here."

With a deep breath, I ran to him. He quickly embraced me into a hug, and we kissed. His face was in my hair, my lips on his neck.

"Good morning," he whispered.

"Good morning," I replied.

- - -

I wonder how I thought the school day would be different, now that my punishment was over.

When we arrived, Edward gave me a chaste kiss on my cheek, earning a glare from Mr. Banner—who just happened to be standing by the doors.

"Have a nice day, Bella," Edward politely said when the bell rang.

"You too, Edward." We laughed then headed off to our classes.

Everything seemed fine. Everything seemed normal.

Why did this bother me so much?

At lunch, Jacob said hi. Edward and I were at line, and he passed by, carrying a huge assortment of food.

"Hey, Bella!" he called. At first Edward was confused, and when I waved back, Edward's brows furrowed.

"Did I miss something?" he asked, looking after Jacob.

"We met at my dad's friend's party this weekend." I told him what happened at Billy's house, and he listened on, all the while picking food out and moving us along the line. He nodded absentmindedly, but when I explained to him about the motorbikes he snapped his head to my direction.

"He was teaching you how to ride a _bike_?" He was incredulous.

"It wasn't a big deal," I protested. "It wasn't hard, you know. Pretty easy stuff." I made a note not to mention my bruises and scrapes.

As Edward walked us to the table, something came to him.

"He didn't ask you to do anything else, did he?" He looked in my eyes. "Anything at all?"

I sighed, sitting on my chair. He sat next to me. "If you're talking about drugs, the answer is no. Honest: he jus wanted to hang out."

"I thought you were grounded."

"Charlie said it was okay." I got the confirmation last night, when Charlie practically beamed when I told him that Jacob came by. "He said that Jacob's a good kid, he just needs proper guidance is all."

Edward's tone was calculating. "And Charlie thinks _you're_ that proper influence."

I pushed on his arm. "Hey, I can be proper influence."

He chuckled. "I didn't mean it like that." He sighed, looked over at Jacob's table again, and shook his head. "But if he does anything, you'll let me know, right?"

"Of course," I assured him. Edward smiled, seeming content with my answer.

_He's perfect!_ my mind told me. My heart was pounding in my chest, trying to reach for him.

I cleared my throat. I must stop acting like a lovesick schoolgirl.

Rosalie was leaning on Emmett's muscular arm, and Alice and Jasper were off in their own world, talking and leaning into each other.

Edward looked at me, a burning expression in his eyes.

"So..." I said. Then I remembered something. "Hey, is Tanya still sending you messages?"

His mouth formed an "o" but he immediately calmed himself. "It's not a big deal."

"Is that the truth?"

"Y-y..." He saw my look. "No."

"Edward, what has she been telling you?" I started imagining weird things: Tanya's secret messages could hold anything at this point.

"Nothing you should worry about," he whispered. "I mean, I haven't seen my phone for two weeks, but Alice told me I had a lot of messages." His eyes narrowed. "And so does she."

"How can we stop this?" I asked. James kept giving messages to Alice, same with Tanya and Edward.

"It's not bad," Edward argued. "It's just annoying."

"Can I see what she wrote?"

"No."

I scrunched my nose. "Am I getting nosy?"

He chuckled. "No, you're just curious." He ruffled my hair softly. "I love you, you know."

I still smiled ridiculously. "I love you, too."

He smiled too, but I think it was because I looked like an idiot. He shook his head, as if laughing at himself.

"Listen," he said. "Now that you're going to learn how to ride a bike…" He grimaced. "Can you at _least_ wear a helmet?"

"How do you know I don't wear one already?" No, seriously, how _did_ he know?

All he replied with was "I know Jacob Black."

"Oh," I croaked out. "Guess I'm gonna have to go to the sports store today."

- - -

I parked in front of Newton's Outfitters and Sports Equipment. Edward was in the passenger seat, glaring at a Suburban beside our car.

"Not all of us can have a shiny Volvo," I told him. He rolled his eyes and got out of my car.

At the counter, greeting us inside was none other than Mike Newton.

"Bella!" he called just a little too happily, "What can I get you?"

I looked at Edward, who remained impassive beside me. "I need a helmet."

"A helmet? As in for a motorcycle?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Right this way." He led me to the back section, where a wall of shiny helmets was on display.

"Now, first you need measurements. Do you—"

"We'll take it from here, Mike," Edward suddenly appeared behind us. "Thank you."

Mike seemed to glare, but left wordlessly.

I stared at Edward.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Nothing." I faced the wall. "Well, which one should I get?"

"Do you really need a helmet?" His voice was thoughtful.

I spun around to face him. "What? Didn't you say—"

"Are you going to be with Jacob a lot?" he interrupted. "Will you be riding the bikes often?"

This took me speechless for a bit. "Well—um, I suppose? I don't know: we haven't really talked about the whens and the hows about it yet."

His expression was of uncertainty and anger. I realized that when I said "we", I meant Jacob and me.

"Edward! Nothing's going to happen, I promise." My voice burned with determination.

"How can you be so sure?" He took hold of my face in both hands.

We stayed like that for a moment.

"Edward?" I asked uncomfortably. "What are you looking for?" What did he want me to say?

He blinked, and whatever daze he was on was over. Edward glanced at the helmets. "I think you should get that one." He pointed to a black helmet. I didn't miss that he didn't answer my question.

Edward paid for my helmet, and he even bought me a riding jacket.

The ride to his house was quiet. I didn't know why he was so worried, and it angered me that I caused it. What if I _was _wrong to be friends with Jacob?

But it was ridiculous! Jacob was my friend. He was practically a younger brother.

- - -

"Bella! Nice to see you around again," Esme greeted when I entered her lavish living room. She smiled warmly, as if she didn't blame me for getting Edward in trouble.

"It's great to _be_ here," I told her, trying to imitate her smile.

"We're going to be up in my room," Edward said as he led me up the stairs. Esme seemed confused at his curt behavior, but smiled nonetheless.

Edward's bedroom was at the end of the hallway at the top floor. Big and roomy, it held his CD collection and a large stereo system, a desk, a large bed, and a leather sofa. I don't know a lot of people who have a couch in their bedroom.

Usually his room was fairly clean, as clean as most boys get, meaning minimal clothes cluttering the floor. But when he opened the door, my mouth dropped open.

"It's spotless," I accused. The beige carpet had obviously just been vacuumed, and his black and gold bed covers were made like in a hotel. All his CDs were perfectly aligned in his shelf.

"I had a lot of time," he said. He held on my hand and pulled me to the sofa.

He was quiet, thoughtful. Playing with my hair, as if out of habit, I smiled at the normalcy of it all, despite my pounding heart. This was right.

But something was bothering him.

"You know you can trust me," I told him.

"I do trust you," he insisted, but he was still unsure.

"Then why won't you stop worrying?"

"I don't trust _him_." His eyes were focused on my hair between his fingers, but his voice was distant.

"But he's a friend. A _good_ friend."

"You've only met him."

"I saw him at school a lot before I met him."

"You only talked to him once, that's not…" He paused mid-sentence.

"What is it?" I whispered, holding one of his hands with both of mine. I was tracing unfamiliar patterns on his palm.

"I was going to say that one talk isn't enough to set your opinion about someone." He tilted my chin up to face him. "But I know that's not true."

I wasn't sure what he meant, but when he smiled, I smiled.

- - -

That Saturday, Alice _insisted_ I spend the day with her. It was just like any other shopping spree: Alice did the shopping; I tried on outfits when it was required. Oh, and Alice paid for everything.

"Alice, you keep giving me more reasons to hate buying clothes," I told her, to which she replied by buying me some pull-on boots.

Something different did happen, though. It was while we were at the food court, and Alice was getting utensils and napkins, when she saw that I was too exhausted to stand. I was sitting on the table, looking over the numerous bags.

A song started playing. Alice's phone was ringing. I looked at Alice. She was rolling a ridiculous length of napkins.

After a while, I heard Alice's voicemail message: _"Hey, you've reached Alice. Leave a message after the beep."_

It was on speaker. There were a lot of people, and even if they heard, they wouldn't think much of it.

But I heard James Thadford's voice through the phone:

"_Alice, I'm serious about what I said before. You can't just get your boyfriend to do your fighting for you. You'll pay for this."_

I could feel my eyes strain against my sockets.

"Bella?" Alice was beside me, worried. "What's wrong?"

"Alice!" I said. "James is threatening you! How come you didn't tell anybody?"

She was horrified, to say the least, hearing what I said. "How'd you know that?"

"He left you a _message_," I said bitterly. "Tell me _exactly_ what's going on, Alice. No editing."

Alice eyed all the people around and sat down beside me. Her face was grim. She looked at my expectant face, sighed, and told me.

"It's probably what you're expecting," she began, and this alone made my mind spin.

"So Jasper and James fought? When?" It would have been fairly easy to hide something like this—just fight it out somewhere secluded.

She nodded. "A few days ago. Jasper was…_pissed_, at all the messages James was giving me."

"How did it end? The fight, I mean," I carefully added.

"It didn't end well, I'll tell you that," she mused. She was folding and unfolding a napkin on the table, and her voice was quiet when she said, "We think James might be trying to provoke us, you know? Make us want to fight. James lives for that kind of stuff." Her smile was small. "Jasper said it's because James wants to be in control of the fight, unlike what happened in the cafeteria with those kids."

I tried to recall the incident: now that I met some of them, I knew that it had been Embry and another older La Push kid who taunted James into making the first attack.

I didn't ask any more questions, though my curiosity burned, and my worries were unsatisfied. I could tell Alice did not want to talk about it; it was the reason she asked me to go shopping today.

"Are we ready to go home?" I said, already knowing the answer.

It worked: Alice's face turned mischievous. "Not even close. I'm hurt, Bella. I thought you knew me better than that."

I thought I did too.

- - -

It was a Thursday. I had just come back from a bike afternoon.

"Ah…" I sighed as I plopped on my bed. My hair was wind-ridden, and I probably smelled. Yanking my jeans off, I allowed myself a ten-minute rest before taking a shower.

Edward was at home, but I didn't want to call him. I _wanted_ to call him, but it didn't _feel_ right, calling him after I'd spent the day with Jacob. It would be like calling him because I didn't have any other time to do it. I don't know…that's just what I thought at the time.

- - -

**Edward Cullen**

_E, y dont u just leav her? I heard shes with that jacobkid—_Tanya sent me another text. Well, that's a new record. I bet her fingers hurt; that was the twentieth one today.

It had been months since we broke up. I hoped she didn't have an unlimited texting plan.

I looked at the clock. 6:38. Bella should be home by now, since the sun had set. March was coming to an end, and spring had yet to come.

Irritated, I put my phone on the table. This was getting ridiculous; why was Tanya being so difficult? The last time I talked with her face-to-face, she'd almost attacked me. Her face was outraged, but she wanted so desperately to get back with me, it was bothering rather than flattering.

Tanya Reed was beautiful. Her most striking features were her nose and her jaw, a combination that made her look confident even if she was feeling shy—which, by the way, rarely happened. Her beauty got her everything she wanted, in the same way Rose got hers.

I guess it irked Tanya she couldn't get me back. But _why_? It was so difficult to understand. I'm just a boy. What was so different between me and the next male student?

My phone vibrated. Another text, no doubt.

Usually I wouldn't be bothered enough to read them, but Bella had been gone for the day. There wasn't anything important I wanted to do, so I just sat around, occasionally listening to music.

I was bored enough to distract myself with Tanya's texts.

_Ed, com on! Were good 2gether. Im at a prty right now do u wana com_

It was like I could read Tanya's mind, what she was thinking when she typed this. She wanted to do what we'd always done, wanted to go back to the way we were…

I shuddered. I cannot be_lieve_ that had been me.

It felt like I was keeping a part of me from Bella. We haven't talked about Tanya, and I think it's partly because of Bella's respect for privacy. But a part of me _wanted_ Bella to pry, to get to the finer, less noble details of my life. I wanted her to know, just as I didn't want her to.

I don't think I've ever been confused like this.

What should I do now? Call Bella? Hardly. She must be tired. I'll let her rest.

Standing from my sitting position on the sofa, I turned off the stereo playing Coldplay's "Amsterdam". I wanted to get something to eat.

Alice was in the kitchen, talking to Jasper—rather, lecturing him about something. Both were sitting on the kitchen stools in front of the island. My best friend and my sister. I tried not to think much of it, I mean, compared to James Thadford, Jasper Hale was obviously the better choice. He was fun to be with, if one would know _how_. Jasper had a unique way of seeing things. So did Alice, come to think of it.

"Come _on_, Jasper! Just tell me what you think of it," Alice whined. "You should speak up; it's only me."

I wondered what they were talking about, but Jasper was looking uncomfortable under Alice's expectant gaze. He was shy. It was interesting, how tolerant Jasper was to all kinds of people. He could really put himself in other people's shoes. I guess one word to describe Jasper would be_understanding_.

Don't ask me how Alice and Jasper think of themselves as soul mates. No clue.

Jasper was smiling nervously, like he'd rather be somewhere else. But the way he would caress my sister's arm said otherwise. He looked at me as I walked across the room to the fridge.

"Hey, Edward," he said. His fingers wrapped around Alice's tiny hand, as if he needed her there. Alice smiled.

I nodded. I headed for the fridge, looking over the drinks. SunnyD, milk, Dr Pepper, Starbuck's... I didn't know which to take.

After a few seconds, I decided I wasn't hungry or thirsty. I don't know... I guess I was just anxious. Jasper was whispering something to Alice, and I decided they should have some privacy.

Lying in bed, I thought of Bella. I also thought of the worry I felt whenever I saw her and Jacob talking, smiling to each other.

Before I went to sleep, I decided that we needed to talk. I realized that we'd been doing more physical things, like kissing and making out; I missed just talking. That was one thing I thought I'd never say, but there you go. Besides, a lapse in communication was not what I needed right now.

- - -

I woke up at five the next morning. At first I thought of sleeping for another hour, but I decided that I should just start getting ready. My nerves must have been acting up.

Creeping quietly down the hall, I used the bathroom. That takes fifteen minutes.

When I go downstairs, I heard whispering. It was coming from the living room.

The large windows showed dark gray clouds, but pink was threatening to come from the horizon. I head to see who the source of the voices was.

"Jasper? Alice? What're you doing up this early?" My question became forgotten when I saw how tired they both looked. Bags under their eyes, Alice was sitting on Jasper's lap, her head plopped against Jasper's shoulder. "What happened?" I asked. A dim lamp was on, just behind the couch they were occupying.

"Nothing," Alice mumbled. "We're just talking." She took in my appearance. "Why are_ you_ up and ready so early?"

I shrugged, sitting down the armchair across. "Couldn't sleep."

Something sitting on the sofa lit up. Bright blue illuminated the sofa's armrest, and we all looked at the object.

"That'd be him again," Jasper said, dejected. What was going on?

"Alice? Is that your cellphone?" I cocked my head toward the sofa. "Aren't you going to get it?" It was weird, usually Alice's ring tone would be loud and obnoxious, not put to silent.

She grumbled something under her breath. Jasper stroked her cheek. "We should do something about this," he whispered. He motioned to the phone, which had now got hidden again in the almost darkness.

"Do something about what?" I looked at Alice. "Alice, what's going on?" Was she in trouble? Was someone calling her?

"It's James," she confessed. She buried her face in the crook of Jasper's neck. "He keeps threatening me, _us_. I don't know... There's even a new number now who keeps sending me messages..." Her voice faded as she looked in Jasper's eyes, as if she was apologizing to him in her mind.

I, however, was shocked. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?" They were being threatened by Thadford? "Why? How long has this been going on?"

They told me. Ever since Alice broke up with James, her ex-boyfriend had been texting her, non-stop. I was horrified when they told me that it started off with the something like "_I need you, baby" _and eventually became something like "_You're going to pay for this,"_ accompanied with various forms of insults.

_Report it!_ had been my first reaction. But then I wondered if James would really do anything. He liked to get people riled up, I knew that much, but maybe he was all talk and no action?

But why would we want to take the chance?

"He's been hanging out with Laurent more," Jasper said. "At the clearing. They sent us a picture."

"By the mountain?" I asked. He nodded. I remembered the place. It was a little field surrounded by forest, and you could see the tree-covered mountain from there. Before Alice and I had moved, our friends had found it when they were kids. No one really went there except for teens who knew the place, so that meant no adults.

"Well, what did the picture look like?" I asked.

Alice answered. "They're doing drugs, you know how Laurent and his friends are." Her voice turned thoughtful. "But I don't know... There's something going on there. I just... " She shook her head, dismissing whatever instinct was in her mind.

"Just thought that what?" Jasper encouraged. Alice chewed on her lip lightly, deep in thought. I think she was having a hard time explaining.

"Well, I was going to say that, nothing _wrong_ is going on there, but that he's—have you seen those kids who he hangs around with now? _All_ druggies," her voice was breaking, her sureness wavering. "And how many times has he skipped school? And the others?" Her voice was calculating.

Jasper nodded. "I haven't seen James in a few days."

Alice and Jasper looked at me, waiting for my input.

Alice laughed. "Of _course_ you won't notice," she said lightly. "Edward's mind has been on Bella the whole time," she explained to a confused Jasper.

"It has not," I tried to deny, but it hit me that maybe it wasn't a complete lie: Tanya was on my mind too.

"Edward? Is something going on?" Alice asked. "Is it about Jacob? Bella told me what happened." Her face was sincere. "You've got nothing to worry about. They're just friends."

"That's not it," Jasper said. Alice was confused, but she looked at me and asked me to explain.

I sighed. "Tanya's been a pain," I said curtly. Alice knew this, but I'd told her they were dwindling by the numbers.

"It's getting worse, isn't it?" Alice accused.

I nodded.

Her face was blank. And then, "Wow, we're in the same situation here, buddy," she said with a laugh.

"Not really," I said. "I'm serious, Alice; we better do something about James." I paused. "Beat him up if we have to."

"I'll do something with my situation if you do something with _yours_," she challenged, her smirk in place. Alice can be very annoying.

The sky had turned a light blue, and I could only guess that it was close to seven thirty. Alice got off the couch and went to get ready for school, muttering about eye brighteners and coffee. Jasper stayed for a bit, sighing and running his fingers through his hair, but shortly went upstairs to get ready as well.

I sat on the couch, my head a mix of frustration and an overwhelming giddiness that dominated my stomach. How do I tell all this to Bella? How would she take it?

I felt a vibrating in my pocket. My phone. It was a message. Flipping the phone open, it was a picture sent by Tanya.

"Ugh," I groaned, hoping this early message would be the last of its kind.

I pressed view. My eyes widened.

The photo was slightly blurry, having been taken in the dark. I could tell it had been outside, seeing shapes of trees in the background. It showed Tanya and James in heavy lip lock. They were holding each other, hands grabbing at hips and neck. Tanya had her eyes closed, but something about her posture told me she wasn't quite up to it. James was clutching on the hem of her shirt, and he had his eyes open. Even sideways, I saw his eyes were hungry.

What did this mean? Tanya and James had never been extremely close, even when we all sat in the same table. I knew it should have bothered me, but right then Alice and Jasper came downstairs, and I picked up my keys to pick Bella up to school.


	9. soft refusal

9.  
**"A soft refusal is not always taken, but a rude one is immediately believed. "  
**Alexander Chase

- - -

"Okay, I admit: I'm suspicious." I laced my fingers to Edward's soft bronze hair, trying to twist it as much as possible.

We were sitting on the piano bench, the large circular room bright from the big windows. Edward was absentmindedly playing some notes on the keys, while I admired from up close.

He'd said we should just talk. How can I talk when my hormones are begging for a different activity? Not that we'd be doing anything wrong, but we'd be doing something _else_.

I groaned softly. "Edward, are you going to say something or was I supposed to continue the conversation by myself?"

He didn't answer right away, but proceeded to tap lightly on the ivory keys. Soft lullaby-like sounds were filling the room, though they were random and uneven.

"What are you suspicious about?" he said. His voice was soft and unsuspecting, unaffected by my statement.

I was shocked at his reaction. It seemed like he expected this. "Well... um, I know you're still being bothered by Tanya." It was true; Tanya had been giving him dirty looks all week, and I've only come to notice it was getting worse. "I _think _I know the reason why you don't bring your cellphone with you anymore." I frowned as I thought about this. "And I'm pretty skeptical about things being _under control_, like you said." I put my hand over his. "I'm worried."

Edward stopped playing. "I'm sorry for keeping things from you." His voice was guarded.

"You still are," I said, clasping my hands on my lap.

He looked at me, surprised, but returned his gaze on the piano. "You're right to be suspicious, and I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to worry about me. I thought things would die down."

"What are you going to do now?"

He started playing again. "I've tried talking to her, it wasn't good." His shoulders shuddered and I knew it was best to not ask.

"How's Alice holding up with James?" Apparently confidence was a Cullen trait.

"She and Jasper are going to sort it out," he said, eyes hard. He clearly didn't like the idea.

"So why don't _we_ do the same thing? Two against one is always better, right?" I mused, but something struck me. "Wait, Tanya isn't _like_ James, is she?" There'd be no use getting worked up to typical ex-girlfriend jealousy when our friends were being threatened by someone.

"No, Tanya's nice, territorial sometimes." He rolled his eyes. "But she sent me a picture, and apparently, James is her new boyfriend."

"Oh." I was pretty sure this piece of information was relevant. "You think they're conspiring in their evil lair somewhere?" I teased. This was getting pretty serious.

"Not a lair. More like a clearing." His tone was unreadable.

"You're serious?"

"Well, that's what she told me."

"You know, I hate how you've been keeping this Tanya thing away from me," I admitted. Who knew what exactly they were saying to each other? Not that I thought of Edward as that sort of guy...

Edward put his hand on my arm, pulling me closer to him. "I know," he whispered to my ear, "and I'm really sorry. From now on, ask, and I'll give you anything."

I was fighting a losing battle, trying to keep my control. I was like a Japanese samurai in the aim of machine guns and heavy artillery.

My hands were on his shoulders, bringing his head to face me. Leaning in... Kissing lightly... Kissing _hard_...

When we pulled back from our kissing, Edward smiled, like he always did. Seeing his reaction after a kiss always made me so happy, sometimes the sight was better than the kiss itself.

"Have I ever told you how much I love looking at you after we kiss?" he said, brushing strands of my hair from my face. Of course, my cheeks were burning red. They were caused by close proximity to hot objects, or in this case, persons.

"You smile after a kiss," I told him, trying to get the subject off my embarrassment. "And not a smirk, either, but a real smile."

He raised an eyebrow and pulled back so he can see my face fully. "Huh? Well, your eyes shine bright after we kiss, and it's very noticeable." He peered into my eyes. "Even now."

"Really?" I said. He nodded eagerly. I pouted, shying away from his gaze. He laughed and tilted my chin up.

"I love it." He kissed my nose.

My lips brushed against his and I felt his mouth open. I had to clear my head.

"So?" Edward whispered when we remained in our close position. "You haven't requested anything yet." Oh, his soft lips were heaven against my lips.

- - -

"_Now_ you're seducing me," I blurted, trying to back away to the edge of the couch. My eyes were wide, and I bent my legs so my knees would be between us.

Edward threw his head back and laughed. "Like _you're_ not doing the same thing." He shook his head, but switched to a normal sitting position.

I relaxed. "Well, you're doing it on purpose. You know how you affect me," I said.

He took my hands in his. "But you _don't_ know how _you_ affect _me_." He kissed my fingers. "That's worse."

My mind was turning into mush; I bit my cheeks to keep from smiling.

Tentatively, I climbed on his lap. Our breaths mingled, blowing on each other's face. Edward's green eyes looked at me hard. I'm sure mine were vulnerable and wide. Call me curious.

I took a long, _quiet_ breath and I kissed his neck, softly biting along his jaw and back. I pushed his head forward so he'd be leaning further onto the couch, but he slid his back so he could lie across the couch, with me on top.

"Charlie could come home any minute," he gasped.

I grinned. "Hmm... Usually _I'm_ the reluctant one." My lips found his collarbone. _God_ I couldn't get enough of him. His skin was smooth, it smelled manly. His chest rose up and down exaggeratedly slow.

He exhaled a laugh. "I'm not reluctant; I'm just sane enough to know the time." His eyes were shut tight, his head thrown back. His neck was glistening.

He took my breath away.

Edward looked down on me and grinned. "Come here you." He pulled me forward and kissed me on the mouth, pulling my legs so they'd be on either side of him.

_Mmmm..._ Edward.

Then I saw shadows moving in the wall. I sat up. "Charlie's car's in the driveway." We listened for the engine to rumble off.

"Bella?" Edward said.

"Yeah?" He looked amazing, though he had a panicked look on his face.

"You're still sitting on me."

"Oh! Sorry." I stopped straddling hip and jumped from the couch just as the front door opened. Charlie walked in, looking slightly tired.

"Hey kiddo," he greeted, hanging his coat inside the closet. "Hello, Edward."

"Hey, Charlie," I said. Edward was still sitting, but he nodded as a greeting, his mouth in a tight line.

Ever since Edward and I started dating, Charlie had been giving us warning glares, as if we would jump each other every chance we got. It happened every time we were hanging at my house: Charlie comes home, Charlie hangs his coat, Charlie puts his gun and uniform in his bedroom, Charlie gets changed, comes outside to have dinner, and then give Edward and me the evil eye.

"I'll be in my room," Charlie said, walking down the dark hallway. His gun shone, as if reminding us that _I am a cop, and I am not afraid to use this if need be._

I stood up to reheat Charlie's dinner.

As the bowl of lasagna rotated and the microwave hummed, I thought about random things. Spring was coming. Tests were coming. Tanya and James were keeping their distance. I'd be seeing Jacob this weekend. Alice's birthday was coming up.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Edward said. He stood up and headed for the hallway. On the way, he passed Charlie, who gave him the glare.

Charlie gave a sheepish thanks to his food, then sat on the couch in front of the TV. Seeming to think it too uncomfortable, he stood up and moved to the couch. Charlie turned on the TV and switched to a baseball game.

I watched all this in the TV-filled silence. My body seemed to be working automatically, rinsing the dishes and placing them in the drawer.

I heard footsteps from behind and heard Edward say, "I should be heading home. Esme called."

Charlie grunted some response but turned again to whatever he was watching. Edward looked rigid, nervous about something.

"Hey, are you okay?" I said. Maybe he was sick?

Edward smiled and walked toward me. "Yeah, just feeling a little down." He kissed my forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow." He looked at the calendar and, seeing that tomorrow would be a Saturday, he sighed. "Or maybe not. Have fun with the motorbikes."

I kissed his cheek. "I won't be having too much fun without you there." I didn't want to tell him how awesome it felt to actually feel the wind streaming through me, and that riding a motorcycle was quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do. It also didn't hurt that Jacob was there, always laughing and joking.

As Edward exited the house, I couldn't help but notice this tension being raised between Charlie and me. With Edward gone, Charlie visibly relaxed, slouching on the couch and turning the TV volume higher.

**- - -**

Here's the deal with Jacob: he'd been doing drugs since he met Sam and his friends in middle school. Whatever they call 'em, he does drugs. Jacob told me that he tried it first at a party, with his friends, and eventually got hooked.

"But you know, I've actually reached a new record," he told me once on a biking trip. "A week of being clean. How's _that_ for cold turkey?"

"That's great, Jake," I cheered. "But can you last longer?"

Since then, he told me he hadn't done anything.

When I came to La Push that Saturday, I wondered if I really was helping Jake overcome his dependence on drugs. I'd like to think it was he that made the change, but anyone could see that I had an effect in it.

"Bella, you don't know what you do to me," Jacob said while we were hanging out in the garage. Sitting on his Volkswagen's hood, we were both drinking soda, and the rain was pouring. It smelled like grass, and the air was dewy with moisture.

"Jake, you give me too much credit," I said. "It's your own will that stopped you from taking... What is it again?"

He grinned. "Speed, Bella, I take _speed_. Among other things."

"Uh huh."

He threw his can aside. "Well, now what do you wanna do?"

I looked at the drooping trees, the rain-slopped leaves. "Well, the rain's officially ruined our day--"

"I wouldn't say ruined," Jacob interrupted. "I'd like to think it _altered_ our day a bit. Making it varied."

"Always so optimistic." I rolled my eyes. "What would I do without you?"

"Be with Edward," he replied with a scowl.

I frowned. "Why do you always have to be so_ disgusted_ whenever you talk about him?" It was the only thing about Jacob I didn't like--well, besides the whole drugs thing.

"You're too good for him."

"And I'm _not_ too good for you?" I joked. His knowing smile dropped to a frown.

"Guess not," he murmured. His hand went on my arm; I gasped.

"Jake," I scolded. His hand was warm and soft around my arm, I didn't know what to do.

He smiled softly. "I won't do anything, I just want to hold you."

"I don't know if I should," I whispered. He was looking into my eyes a little too sincerely, a little too affectionately. His dark eyes were sad, yet they held so much more emotions.

"I won't do anything," he whispered. His hand held on lightly. My arm went limp, the nearly empty soda can falling with an unnoticed clunk.

Jacob's face was about a foot from mine, but I thought we were sitting too close. I could feel his body was too warm.

"This is too much," I told him. My head was getting dizzy, rainy scent and spattering drops and his warmth swirling together into a haze of confusion. "Jake, stop. Stop stop stop." _Please_.

He slid his big hand over mine. I noticed he was breathing long and deep.

"Bella," Jacob said softly, "did I ever tell you what happened to my mother?"

"No," I breathed out, calming myself with the closeness I was feeling toward him.

He gripped my fingers soothingly. "I was ten years old. Me and Dad were fishing--it was my first time working the boat around." He smiled at the memory, taking me along with him.

"A little into the afternoon, it started raining," Jacob said. "I remember looking at all the ripples of the lake, and how quickly the fish disappeared. Billy said they went to find shelter from the water, oddly enough."

He inhaled a shuddery breath. "So we walked home, getting soaked by the time we reached the neighborhood. Billy was telling me other tribe stories, something about grizzly bears or something." He shook his head and his face turned serious. "Then we heard people shouting. They were panicked voices, coming a little away from the house."

I was listening intently, all the while subconsciously holding onto _his_ arm. We looked like we were hugging, only there was a foot of air between us.

"We went to the street, and I saw a white SUV lying on its side. One wheel was spinning, and all the windows were shattered. It was lying a little off to the side of the road, and I saw a tree beside that had red marks on its trunk."

His voice was expressionless. "There were several people crowding around, so I couldn't see everything at first. Then one of them saw us coming, and saw Billy with a horrified face, and, I thought it was weird, because all of a sudden they were letting us pass, forming a path to the scene of the accident."

"But then I saw a body lying between the tree and the car. A woman. She was wearing a bloodied sundress, and, all around her, there were _gro_cery bags." His smile was grim. It was like he was laughing at himself, telling him that the idea was pathetic.

"Jacob, you don't have to act strong for me, you know that?" I whispered. My hand squeezed his arm.

He looked at me, like, _really_ looked at me, then shook his head. "Sorry, it's like I'm seeing it all again in front of me, and I feel like I'm commenting on a movie." He smiled wryly. "A really sucky movie at that. One of those overly dramatic, exaggerated suffering--"

"Don't," I warned him. My voice was shaking with anger. "Jacob, don't talk like that. _Don't_ try to humor your way out of this." I gripped his arm tight, as not to lose him. "You can tell me, and I won't have to say anything; I'll listen."

Jacob smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry," he said after a pause.

"I forgive you." I rolled my eyes and gestured for him to continue. The rain produced tinkering sounds on the roof, reminding me of bullets and rifles and falling notebooks.

He cleared his throat. "Well, as I was saying, there were _gro_cery bags scattered all over the place. I think I even saw those Cheerios I asked her to get me." He looked at our arms, our seemingly friendly way of embrace. I kept my eyes on his face. "After that, everything was a blur. I remember kneeling beside her, looking at her face, and seeing nothing but her dead open eyes. She had really dark brown eyes."

"Anyway, after that Billy pulled me away and carried me to the house," he said, sighing as he shifted. "I don't remember what happened to the driver, but I heard lots of ambulances afterward, so I'm guessing that he or she lived if they were in a hurry to get to the hospital."

There was a pause. Fifteen seconds, maybe thirty.

"What happened?" I asked.

Jacob gave me a weird look. "Um, she died?"

I wanted to hit him with a broom. "No! I meant, how did the accident happen?"

"Oh, well, they told me that the SUV was driving over the limit, and suddenly it swerved toward the tree, then swerved again. I think that swerve was what hit my mother." He was thoughtful, not really looking at anything. "But you know what I think really happened? I think the driver was drunk, or something like that, and he was driving toward a tree, but then he swerved just before he could crash it, and then hit my mother on the sidewalk, just when she was covering her face from the rain."

It unnerved me that he could talk like this so calmly.

"Jake, are you okay?" I asked.

He smiled. "It was a long time ago, Bella. I don't even remember her that much anymore. I don't know, I guess I've been suppressing memories of her for a long time now."

"But you _have_ thought about it." I looked at his expression. "A lot."

"Yes." Then, he smiled. "_Now_ what should we do?"

"You're unbelievable." I realized we were still holding each other's arm. I kept my face down. "Jake, is that why you did drugs? You said you were ten, and that's pretty close to middle school." I looked up at his shocked face. "Am I right?"

He snapped his mouth shut. "That's part of it, I guess," he said. "Sam and his friends were always there for me after it happened, so I always thought of them as my protectors, something better than a brother or a sister."

I nodded. "You really don't have to explain anything if you don't want to."

"I like telling you stuff," he admitted. His hand curled its way up my elbow, then to my shoulder, and finally to my neck.

"Well, that's good. I like listening to you." I looked at his hand with uncertainty. "Jake, what are you..." My voice faded when Jacob lowered his head slowly toward my shoulder. His mouth was a centimeter apart from me when he started to blow gently, sending shivers below my ear.

"Bella, do you like me?" he whispered. My head tilted to the side, only his hand was there to keep me upright.

"I do, Jake." I tried to pry away from his hold, but he was holding me against him in a protective manner that I didn't mind.

My breathing was erratic. His hand was slowly rubbing circles on my skin, and he had a hard look on his eyes.

His face darkened, his eyes got shadowed when he looked at me. I had to fight to keep my eyes and mouth open.

"Bella, I t-think..." He licked his lips. "I-I... I love you, Bella." His eyes were burning into mine, and I was vaguely aware his hand was venturing through my hair.

- - -

No.

_No._

NO!

After about a minute, I managed to close my mouth, only to open it again to say, "Jake, how can you say that?" My voice was alarmingly high.

Jacob, however, looked _relieved_.

"I like telling you stuff," he reiterated. His hand traced lazy figures on my neck, and I could feel it edging to my face. I swatted his arm away.

"You can't just say stuff like _that_," I said, irritated.

He was not bothered. He leaned back, lying on the car's windshield. "It's not like there're rules to what you can say. I'm just telling you how I feel."

I put my head in my hands. "No, Jake, no. You _don't_ know how you feel." I sighed. "You can't... No. You can't love me. Not like _that_. I mean, you're like a brother to me. I love you like a brother." I was panicking, my words fumbling over my thoughts.

Jacob winced at my words. "You never even tried to see things my way. Why won't you?"

"I have Edward." My eyes widened. What should I tell Edward? I betrayed him, didn't I? What the hell had I _done_? Did I cheat?

I..._had_ Edward?

"Bella, breathe," Jacob said. He examined my face. "Bella?"

Jacob told me about his mom. I held him, he held me. It's not like we were kissing. I let him touch my neck, but that was it. That can't be considered cheating, can it?

Oh God, it _might_.

But I _felt_ something for Jacob. Something along the lines of genuine affection and longing. There had been a moment that passed between us, something that for some reason made me _know_ that Jacob and I were more than friends.

Oh, this was bad.

Jacob held onto my shoulders and shook me. I was taken from my thoughts.

But my thoughts were still with me.

What did I do...

What did I _do_...

"Bella!" Jacob said. Then I felt his lips on mine.

"Mmmph!" I squealed, yanking myself off him before I could let the kiss linger. With a shaking hand, I slapped him, but it hit his neck with an unimpressive whack.

"Did you just..." His voice trailed off, too shocked to speak. His hand reached out for me.

I gasped at what I'd just done, and I stared at Jacob's confused face for a second. And then I was sprinting through the rain, running for my car.


	10. control yourself

10.  
**"Control yourself  
Take only what you need from it."  
**from "Kids" by MGMT

- - -

"No, Bella, I'm not mad."

Edward was sitting on his couch, head in his hands, while I was curled on the floor, my back against his large bed, eyes focused on him.

"But you're not happy about this." I didn't know which was worse: this revolting feeling of betrayal I had in my heart, or his unhappiness.

He shook his head. "_No_, no I'm not."

"No you're not happy about it? Or you're not _not_ happy about it?"

He laughed. "Bella, you're really overthinking things." He took his face from his hands and smiled at me. "You shouldn't feel guilty. When you said we should talk, I thought you were going to break up with me." I winced, but he smiled again.

"Your smile is forced," I told him. He frowned.

"Well, because right now I'm feeling a little hostile toward someone," he said, miffed.

My eyes widened. "Don't take this out on Jacob! Take it out on _me_!" I couldn't let him get angry at Jacob, not when--well, because he was my friend. That was reason enough.

This took him by surprise. "Bella, I'm not going to get mad at you." He grimaced. "As horrible it feels to say it, I know how Jacob feels. I _did_ fall in love with you." He rolled his eyes and got up to sit with me. "You're too gorgeous for your own good." He nudged his shoulder against mine. "Bella, if you felt it was right, then it probably is."

"But it feels wrong," I said, "because I _know _it was right that I left him, but I _left_ him." I looked at him.

"Don't look so sad," he whispered, catching the hair that threatened to cover my face as I looked down. "Bella, I want to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Do you... like Jacob? As much as you like me?" I could hear an uncertain edge to his tone.

"I don't know." I do. "I like him, but in a different way. I told him he was like a brother to me, but I'm not sure on my emotions right now."

Edward sighed deeply. "That must've hurt him a lot."

"What do you mean?" I recalled the way Jacob winced when I told him I loved him as a brother.

He smiled dryly. "Well, it sucks when the girl you love tells you that she thinks of you as family."

He saw my pained expression. "Bella, you didn't know. Don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault. He knew what he was getting at when he told you."

"But I hurt him!" I felt tears in my eyes. "Crap, I even slapped him after--" I bit my lip.

"After what?" Edward looked confused.

"After he kissed me," I said quietly.

Understanding left Edward's face, replaced by fury. "He _kissed_ you?" He looked murderous, glaring at the carpeted floor.

I swallowed. "I was in a daze, sort of. I had a lot in my mind. I didn't even realize it what he was doing until he did it."

"But... He_ kissed_ you."

"_Now_ you're angry with me," I sourly concluded.

"You left that detail before," he said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I...don't know. I was ashamed, I guess. But the kiss isn't what's bothering me--"

"Oh, _that's _good to hear." He was pouting.

"You know what? I'm saying all the wrong things right now." My nails were digging on my knees.

"But it's what you're thinking, so it's the truth."

"No! It's just what's coming out. It's not thought out yet."

"It's unedited." Edward paused, thinking something over. "Bella, I meant what I said: I'm not mad at you." His hand rested on mine. "So, sorry for interrupting before, but can you explain what's bothering you again?"

I wanted to kiss him for whatever it was that made him _him_.

"It's not the kiss, but it's the _feelings_ after that's bothering me." I shut my eyes.

My words lingered for a minute, two minutes, three. I understood why Edward looked hurt. I was basically telling him that after Jacob kissed me, I realized I might be having more than brotherly feelings for him.

And I _was_ having more than brotherly feelings toward Jacob. There was still that longing to be there for him.

"What about me?" Edward whispered so quietly I doubted I was supposed to hear.

_Oh my God_, I thought. _Here it is, he's finally got it. He's going to break up with me. I'm going to lose him. _I held back my tears as best as I could, though I had to face away to wipe some escapees.

"Edward," I sobbed his name into as much a whisper as I could.

He didn't answer, just put his head against his knees again so I couldn't see his face.

"Edward, I understand if you want to..." I stopped, thinking it over. I didn't want us to be over. What I had with Jacob was nothing compared with what I shared with Edward.

How do I tell him that it's okay if he hurts me, but deep down it's _far _from okay? How do I tell the person I love that I _really_ don't want to lose him, but I'm actually giving him permission to?

I cleared my throat. "Are you going to break up with me?" My cheeks were wet, but I clamped my mouth shut. I sounded like a desperate girlfriend.

I stared at Edward. He raised his head, his face blank. "I don't know. It's not really up to me."

My mouth dropped open. "Yes, _yes_ it _is_ up to you. I'm the one who did something wrong. You--you're supposed to tell me what we're going to do now."

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, Bella," he said calmly. "But it's pretty obvious that you're not sure on whom you want to be with."

"But I am sure!" I shifted my body so I was kneeling in front of him. He looked up, cautious and guarded. "Edward, I love you more than anything. Jacob's just, I don't know... He's something else entirely different."

His face crimpled in pain. "What am I to you?"

This struck me speechless, and I felt an internal force push me back.

"Edward." My voice was pleading. "You're everything to me. I don't know, it's like, I can't_ think_ of anything else but you."

His eyes softened. "I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "This must be confusing for you." Hesitantly, he held my hand. I squeezed it.

"Don't worry: you're my only one." I sighed. "But Edward, I'm _so so_--"

"Don't apologize," he interrupted me with a light kiss.

I pulled back. "But what if things get weird between us?"

"Just stop feeling guilty, and things won't get weird." His hand squeezed mine again. I inched forward.

"How do you know?"

He frowned a bit. "Well, we'll just try."

"But I need to make things right between us," I said, frowning as well.

"Bella, things _are_ right between us."

"No." I shook my head. "I hurt you: how am I supposed to just leave it like that?"

He shrugged. "You just do. It's fine." He pulled my face closer. I could feel his breath blowing to my face.

Fighting the desperation to close my eyelids, I spoke. "No, Edward, it's not fine." Why did he have to be so adamant about things being in control? "I want to do things right. I need to apologize to you, and make it up to you--"

"That'll only make things weird," he argued, shaking my shoulder a little with one hand. "Bella, I don't want you to feel like you're_ forced_ to--"

"It's not that I feel _forced_--"

"Can't we just forget about--"

"I won't feel right, Edward, you're not just supposed to leave it at--"

"We'll get used to it."

"_No_ we can't, that's the thing. It's impossible to forget anything that has to do with _you_." I was practically snarling after I delivered the words.

Edward's lips were pressed together. He had a cold look in his eyes. "Well, then I'll _make _you forget." He took me by surprise when he pulled me to him roughly, planting hard kisses on my mouth.

At first I was motionless, but then my heart kicked in and then my whole body was pounding with excitement and warmth. My fingers went to his hair, and my lips responded as fervently as Edward's were initiating.

In the midst of loud breaths and kissing, we ended up lying on Edward's bed. His bedsheets were soft and smooth, so was his skin.

Before I knew it, I was only in my underwear, and Edward was shirtless. He was on top of me, kissing my shoulders and holding my hipbone. I exhaled a sharp moan.

Damn this felt good! I was getting lost into my fantasies of what could happen next when Edward's phone vibrated. It was in his jeans pocket, and I felt it in my inner thigh. This made me groan, being aware that I wanted something _else_ to be near that region.

What was I thinking? Edward and I never even talked about sex, and we weren't going to right then, were we? I bit my lip as I waited for him to answer his phone, but Edward was busy kissing below my collarbone. His hands were running through my bare stomach.

"Edward," I said, my voice raw. "Edward, your phone." I held on to his arm across my stomach and shook it gently.

"I'll get it later," he mumbled against my skin. His lips skimmed over my neck before kissing my mouth, catching me off guard. In a total impulse, I pressed my palm over his hard abs. I felt him involuntarily cringe his stomach in.

Pretty soon, all I saw was the ceiling. Edward had yet to stop kissing my shoulder. He was straddling my thighs tightly, was grabbing at my hipbone, his mouth slowly traced my collarbone.

"Nnnh," I moaned. Hoping desperately he didn't hear it, I turned my face to the side and bit on one of his pillows, unsuccessfully muffling any other sounds. My eyes shut as I processed the pleasure.

Edward's breathing was hot and ragged; it made the skin above my chest slightly moist.

I felt his fingers trace up my sides, and they rested below the straps of my simple gray bra. His panting stopped. I raised my head to face him.

He looked...conflicted. Queasy, even. I lifted my shoulders up, my head lolling to the side as I supported the weight with both elbows.

Of course this movement brought my chest flush against his face, and immediately Edward gasped and drew back. His fingers left my skin and slammed on either side of me. I felt the mattress depress a bit.

I blushed--even more than I had been. "We should stop."

Edward took a few deep breaths. "Um, okay?" He was clearly not expecting my reaction.

"Well, I just wasn't expecting this would happen." My voice shook as I tried to stop myself from crying. "Edward, I'm sorry." Suddenly I felt like an idiot, trying to be responsible while he had the courage to be reckless. At least, I think he was willing to take things further...

He groaned, and then he buried his face on my stomach. I felt uneasy again. "Bella," he mumbled, "_why_ in the world are you apologizing?"

"Because, um, I never seem to know what to do." He placed his ear against my skin. Edward slid his arms underneath me, encircling us closer. It was as if I were a pillow. Hmph.

The lights were still on. I could hear the sounds of the night, the crickets and the rare rustle of cars.

"Sorry about that." I felt his throat moving against my navel.

"Don't worry about it," I whispered. My fingers played with his hair. "Edward, I'm really sorry."

He sighed. He snuggled his face into my stomach, and somehow I knew he hated to have to answer me.

Then he untangled his arms. He crawled over beside me quietly, careful to maintain eye contact as he switched off the bedside lamp.

Then everything was dark, and I felt Edward's body plop beside me. His arms went over my waist.

"I forgive you," he said, and he kissed my cheek before blowing another sigh and turning to his side of the bed.

"And you really have a way of making me forget," I mused aloud, twisting my body to a more comfortable position.

Edward laughed. His arms went at the back of my neck, sort of like another pillow. "What are boyfriends for?"

- - -

**Edward Cullen**

Fascinating. Awesome, and oh so appealing to my senses.

I sighed.

Bella really knew how to keep a guy panting. I was now staring at this beauty lying beside me, and even then, all I could think about was last night.

And what _didn't_ happen.

In my mind, Bella and I had sex. And I mean hot, sensual, even exotic sex. Whatever wilder adjective fits.

But as I looked at her face, no adjectives came to mind. What was that word we learned in English? Ineffable. Bella could not be expressed in words.

"Hmmm," Bella sighed, sounding content. What was she dreaming of? She turned to her side, exposing her almost naked back to me. Before I could think about it, I ran my fingers across her skin.

It made me grin.

My hand was feeling its way on her smooth sides, the creamy skin that would lead to her stomach. Oh, it was like seeing a whole buffet of food right before me! How was I supposed to control myself?

Slowly, I peeled my fingers off her. I shoved my hands in my jeans pocket, and my fingers came in contact with my phone.

As if by some unlucky draw of hand, it vibrated. I took it out of my pocket, staring at the unholy words that read, _New messages_.

"Aren't you gonna get that?" Bella's voice rasped. I dropped my phone in surprise.

"Oh, Bella, I didn't know you were awake." I reached for her face and turned her around. Her cheeks were pink and warm, her face smiling at me.

"Your phone woke me up," she said, picking up my cell phone.

I nodded slowly, watching her flip my phone open and look at the messages. No doubt they were both from Tanya.

Bella's eyebrows furrowed as she read. The blanket fell off her chest, and I was forced to look at the suddenly exposed skin. Damn. So freakin' _tempting_. I worried if I was going to overwhelm her, as she put it, with my moves. I wanted to take our physical relationship to the next level, but I didn't want to rush her into things.

I would wait. Perfection takes time, doesn't it?

"Edward, is Tanya's dad a cop, by some chance?" Bella said. Her fingers were curled around the phone and she was looking at it skeptically.

"No, he's a dentist in Seattle," I said. "Why do you ask?" None of Tanya's previous messages was ever related to her family.

Bella looked at me, her brown eyes wide. "Well, she's holding a gun, and I don't think it's fake." She showed me the phone, and sure enough, Tanya was smiling widely, her hand holding a black pistol up close to where the camera would've been.

I peered in closer. It looked like an automatic.

"Tanya sent a picture of her holding a gun," I said blankly. This could not be good. "Maybe it's a joke?"

Bella looked at me pointedly. "Sure. She has a _funny_ sense of humor." She shook her head, probably dismissing a thought. "But the next one I don't really get; look at it."

The next message was from James Thadford:

_They're really getting it on, aren't they? _

There was a picture attached. It looked like our living room window, but I wasn't sure; the picture had been taken at night, through the window. But I recognized Esme's flowers in the decorative pots outside the window pane.

My eyebrows pulled down. "It's a picture of our living room window."

Bella looked confused. "Why would they take a picture of your house? And at night, too."

But what was so mystifying was _whom_ James was referring to. Who was getting it on?

Bella scowled in disgust. "They're spying on two of you."

What? "Two of us?"

"Getting it on? Maybe he meant Jasper and Alice? Or Carlisle and Esme..."

"Oh." I thought about it. Jasper spent many nights at our house, and, judging by their attraction to each other, I learned to accept the fact that they would be pushing their physical boundaries soon.

"They've been dating for more than a month now," Bella said.

But I didn't think it would be _this_ soon. "I guess it's their decision." I could feel the grimace on my face.

"Yeah," she whispered. Her cheeks turned red. Interesting.

"And we've been dating for more than a month, too," I told her. She smiled tightly, then ran her fingers through her long brown hair nervously.

_Very_ interesting.

Bella cleared her throat and looked down on her body. I followed her gaze.

"Um, I think I should go," she said slowly. "I don't think Charlie's going to like this."

This made me look back up to her face. "What are you going to tell him?" That I made my physical intentions manifest last night? Oh God, if Chief Swan were to flip out...

She shrugged, to my surprise. "We didn't really do anything wrong, so I won't have to lie." Her voice was..._disappointed_?

"Okay," I said, letting her head for the bathroom. I watched her as her lithe body picked up her scattered clothes on the floor. I breathed deep, calming myself down. When she closed the bathroom door, I let out a loud breath.

Tanya and James had possession of a gun. Wasn't that illegal somewhere?

But there was no way I could prove they would do anything to _us_. If I showed the police the picture, Tanya and James could easily deny everything, or say it was a toy gun. I mean, what did we kids know?

Things were definitely not right. And for some reason, I knew there wouldn't be much _I_ could do about it.

- - -

In the afternoon, Bella went to spend the day with her dad, and I quickly went over at Jasper's to tell him what happened. Of course I didn't tell him about last night; I talked about the messages. Jasper took it appropriately, considering there was something big going on with our lives.

"_Christ_," he muttered. "I can't believe this is actually _happening_."

I sat on his bed, feeling myself get tired of having the same thought in my mind. "I know. But Jasper, what are _we _going to do about, you know." I fidgeted with his dark blue comforter.

Jasper froze in his computer chair. His History essay was forgotten. "Shit."

"Yeah," I said. "I know. I can't even say anything." I looked around the room, assuring for the fifth time no one was around. "I still have it."

His blue eyes went wide. "You mean you didn't tell Bella yet?"

Why did I feel so cowardly right then? "N-no," I stuttered, shaking my head. Trying to make it seem like it didn't bother me that much, I said, "I will, though. I'll tell her soon. Tomorrow."

My friend raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

I was set. "Yes."

He swiveled so he wouldn't face me and continued typing away, apparently satisfied with my answer. I sighed and bent my head down.

Looking around his room, I could tell Jasper wasn't taking things too well either. Clothes were scattered about, and books upon every latest video game were piled all over. The smell wasn't exactly Febreze, either. I scrunched my nose, thinking of that very familiar scent.

"Ew, Jasper, it smells like _Alice_," I told him, suddenly remembering my sister's perfume which was liberally sprayed each morning before school.

Jasper shrugged, but his voice was a little off when he said, "I don't even realize it anymore."

I narrowed my eyes as I tried to process what that could mean. Then, I jumped off the bed.

Feeling slightly weirded out, I headed for the door. "I think this is the last time I'm coming to your room."

Jasper scowled, but he was blushing noticeably. "It's not like your room doesn't smell girlier than before, either, Edward! I bet your bed doesn't smell the same, too!"

Ugh. So it's true, then, I thought. My little sister is getting more action than I am.


	11. portend

Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, even though some of the names may be changed.

* * *

**11. ****portend**  
to indicate as being about to happen, especially by previous signs

- - -

**Tanya Reed**

"I still hate this," I grumble to James as I pass him the—what was it called again: A _bong?_

I am not stupid. Drugs are never a good thing. There is never a reason to turn to drugs, or whatever the hell it is that jackass puts in there.

"Here's a spliff." James hands me the smoking reefer, aggravating me yet again.

"Where the hell do you get this stuff?" I ask, passing it off to this stoned dude beside me. His name is Laurent, I think; and, though, he's easy on the eyes, the most interaction _we've_ had was his drooling all over my silk red shirt. Not cool.

Suddenly, I feel someone's hand on my thigh. I slap it away, feeling this grimy feeling all over me again.

"Ew! Get the hell off, douche bag! What's your problem?" I yell at the Laurent guy. My voice sounds sharp; I feel my eyes wince.

He snickers loudly; so does James. Okay I really needed to ditch these bozos. This forest isn't even all that secluded. Someone can see us three without our knowing.

God, could they be any more _stupid_? Laurent throws the tube thing down the grass carelessly and wipes his hand on his black jacket.

"So, you have anything yet?" James asks his friend.

Laurent laughs. "Nope. But it's coming."

It actually surprises me they could talk without slurring their speech. I'm guessing they're tolerant?

James nods. "Mine's coming." And then he lies back on the grass, pulling on my arm to take me along with him. I huffed but let myself lie next to his body. I was cold anyway.

"Mmmh," James says. "So Tanya, did you ever send Cullen the message?"

I grimace. "Which one? I think I've sent them all, and some other stuff too."

They both laugh, but I don't think it's funny. I've been waiting months for Edward. Tanya Reed _never_ waits for anyone.

Why did he have to have this affect on me?

Laurent sees the tears in my eyes. Crap. I wipe them off as fast as I can.

"You know," he says like he knows everything, "you really shouldn't let the guy get to you. If you can't have him, you can't have him. Go get someone else." He grins and looks down on himself. "Get someone like me, for example. I'll make you forget about that dick."

Maybe I will, if that's what I want, jackass. You're not good enough for me. No one else is anymore.

My shoulders slump, and as if my mood permeated the air, both the boys give a deep sigh.

James spoke first. "Man, I wish they could see how hard this is. All their perfect lives with their perfect relationships—shit, they're living the good life."

Laurent seems to know exactly what he is talking about. "Right? It's like, jeez, can't they suffer a little? They don't do shit—"

"And _we_ don't _get_ shit. No money, no future, no fucking lives."

I close my eyes and lean on my knees. Suddenly I feel like they're going to say something deep and personal, and I would get another glimpse of James Thadford and Laurent Wolstenholme's _complicated_ lives.

"I wish we'd never went to that party, James," Laurent confesses. "We weren't even supposed to go, remember? We were in sixth grade, but we passed for fucking high schoolers by then. The guy just let us in, thinking we were freshmen."

Ugh. I try to block out his voice, annoyed by all this. James cut him off, apparently feeling the same way as me.

"I _know_, Laurent. I remember how it happened." He mutters curses to himself then continues. "We went to a party and got stoned for the first time. We didn't know what we were doing back then. We woke up and decided we needed to do it again."

"And we never stopped," Laurent finishes. He laughs a bit, a different tone taking over his voice. "The only part that I like about this whole thing is—"

"Uley and his fucking friends got addicted, too." James sounds menacing as he says these words. I force myself not to shudder. "Well, I hope he overdoses one of these days. He's a prick. And all those freshmen he's with are losers."

He's drifting off. James's eyes droop, and slowly he leans back on the grass.

There is a silence that passes. I get the chance to think about what I'm doing with my life. Recently, I've been having a lot of "What the hell?" moments—as in, "What the _hell_ am I doing, acting like a desperate ex-girlfriend?"

I'm Tanya Reed, born to a middle class family. I got my first job at age fifteen working at a Dunkin' Donuts. A few months ago, I got my first modeling gig. I got fired two weeks after Edward broke up with me. Boss said I was looking a little too "bedraggled" for the camera.

And now what am I doing? I keep texting my ex-boyfriend, persistently hoping that he'd see I really feel something for him. I want him to realize that only he makes me so alive, so complete.

Second chances are supposed to be appreciated. Why the hell do I _not_ get one? Edward and I were happy. We had _passion_. We were _good_ with passion. Everything was like the movies, where heated kisses would follow every greeting, and cries of joy started the night.

My God, how could I let someone so special get away from me?

My eyes sting as I figure out the answer.

"She's thinking about it..._again_." Laurent observes. James groans, annoyed when he looks that what his friend said was actually true.

"Tanya," he says, "did you ever think that maybe you were wrong about the whole 'Edward and you forever' stuff? I mean, he's just another guy."

I can't stop crying. They're already used to this, but this time I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell them exactly why the hell I feel so shitty.

"Don't you think I've told that to myself a _thousand_ fucking times?" I yell angrily. "I _know_ he's just another guy—just another one of you idiots out there. That's what I was thinking while we were still together!" I put my head in my hands, preparing to blurt it out. "And I believed it, I knew he was just one of you guys—until I lost him."

James seems to find my rant amusing. Fucking prick.

"I'm sorry, I'm just having a hard time believing that you actually feel something for Cullen," he says simply. "I mean, didn't _you_ cheat on him?"

I scowl. "It was a mistake, alright? _You_ got me drunk."

"Hardly," he says. "We were at a party, and you only had a couple of beers. You wanted to do it."

Laurent nods. "And if you knew it was a mistake, you wouldn't have done it a second, third, fourth time."

Okay, I get the point. Can we switch the subject now? "James, you'd always been with another cheap whore every week for as long as I can remember. How can you feel so at ease by it? Alice was a good friend."

James smiles. "Getting girls is an addiction. And I don't ask for much—I'm not that discriminatory with my tastes."

"Yeah, I guess I can see why you would cheat," I admit. "It's addicting, being so bad. After we hooked up, I felt confident, like I was in control of things."

"If I recall,_ I _was on top; _you_ were the one doing all the screaming," James says vaguely. I glare.

"See, the problem is, I got _too _confident, even when I should've been worried. When freakin' Isabella Swan came, I said to myself: she's got nothing on me. She's not pretty enough, not _me_ enough to get Edward's attention."

And now look where my confidence got me. Sending pathetic messages to my boyfriend, even to the point of threatening him and his friends with a gun.

The truth wasn't enough to get us back together; I wonder, would a lie do the trick? All's fair in love and war, right?

* * *

**Bella Swan**

Exams were coming, and everyone was cramming every piece of information he or she could from past tests, worksheets, and notes.

"It's a freakin' pain in the ass how we have to remember history from colonial times to recent wars," Alice complained while she had her face buried on her textbook.

Edward, who was studying beside me, nodded. "Yeah. Everytime I read something, I forget about it right afterwards."

I wasn't having any luck either. Dates kept flying by, and the more information I was reading over, the more I couldn't connect the events and their significance.

"Maybe I'll study for Biology instead," I said, grabbing my textbook. Edward switched his books, too, to match mine.

"Alright," he agreed. "The stages of meiosis it is."

And we got to work. I flipped through the pages, occasionally ripping them in my frustration from the finals.

Edward's eyebrows rose. "Jeez, Bella, the test isn't gonna be _that _hard. You've been getting A's in your classes: relax."

I sighed, breathing deeper to calm myself. "Well, I can't help it: there's gotta be _some_thing in here I'm bound to forget."

I was reading the paragraph about the parts of the plant cell (for what felt like the fifth time) when the doorbell rang.

"Huh, that's odd," I said. "Who could that be?" Since we were at my house, I wasn't expecting anyone to come on a school night, unless I forgot I had plans, which would be impossible because Edward was right here with me. Unless_ Jacob _and I were going to do something...

"I'll get it," Alice said brightly, jumping up from her seat. "I need a break from all this studying." She went and opened the front door, upon which the unexpected figure of Tanya was shown.

"Tanya?" Edward said, half-shocked and half-scared. He stood up and headed for the door, giving me a quick smile then greeting his ex-girlfriend in a serious tone.

She seemed to expect his graveness and annoyed manner, for she only nodded when Edward asked what the hell she was doing in Bella's house.

"I just wanted to talk." Tanya sounded sincere. She sounded somber, and definitely not haughty. I dared not look, because I'd then see how much she really meant those words. I don't know—I guess a part of me wanted her to keep bugging Edward with the messages, because then they wouldn't really get anywhere past hatred.

But I guess that nothing really lasts forever.

Tanya inched her head forward so we'd see each other. She waved politely. I did too.

Alice sat back in her seat, shaking her head and getting back to her studies.

"Bella, don't worry: Edward's not gonna do anything," she mumbled to me without giving eye contact.

I swallowed and tried to concentrate as Edward asked for my permission to go outside and talk with Tanya. Of course, I said yes, and of course, I so badly wanted to know what their conversation would result to.

Okay, I decided, after forcing myself to concentrate on my book, that is _definitely_ metaphase.

* * *

**Edward Cullen**

Can someone tell me if Tanya Reed, who hates _any_thing that would require her to work with groups of people—will someone _please_ tell me if this girl, with her pouty lips and tear-filled blue eyes; tell me, if she had suddenly taken a class in theater?

Because, as we speak, it actually seems like she'd had her heart broken. She _looks_ a mess—well, not so much as physically messy, but, in a sense that her expression was one of genuine _sadness_.

"I regret what I did, Edward," she whispered, taking my arm lightly and leading me through the sidewalk.

My eyes widened. Was she acting?

"Y-you regret what you did?" I repeated.

"Yes," she sort of choked out. Her grip tightened, but we kept walking forward. "I-I'm sorry I did what I did, I'm sorry for all those things I've been doing, and I _swear _to God I won't do it again."

Tanya was breathing heavy. I stared at her face, telling myself that she looked how she spoke.

"I guess it's okay," I said. "Let's just put it behind us." Though I wanted to scream at her for making me lie to Bella, I knew it would be better if we just forget about it.

She hesitated for a moment. "Ok_ay_... We'll just forget about it." She turned her face away. "But before we do, can I just tell you _why_ I did those things? From the very beginning?"

I couldn't see her face, but I bet she was smiling wickedly right then.

I sighed, dragging it out as much as possible. "It wouldn't change things."

"I know," she admitted. It seemed like she was detached from me then, like she was off thinking of something else.

Okay, someone _please _answer my first question. _Please_.

She took a deep breath. "Okay... Well, you know how we first started to, you know, have sex..."

"Yes." I gritted my teeth. "What about it?" Was she going to tell me that I _wasn't_ her first too?

She gave me an apologetic smile. "Don't worry: I didn't lie to you when I said I was a virgin back then." She ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "But it was what happened _after_—how I _felt _that..._changed_ me."

We veered left, turning to a corner where we talked and let Bella's house away from sight.

* * *

**Bella Swan**

I grimaced. "You think?"

Alice nodded vigorously. "They're obviously taking the mature decision of being friends and talking it out." She rubbed my shoulder. "Just chill, 'kay? He's not going to back out on you."

I narrowed my eyes. "How would you know? Did you know something I didn't?"

She laughed. "Bella, you don't know Edward: believe me, he's in love with you. No one else will affect him like you do." Alice shook her head, finding something amusing. "If you'd see how crazy Edward is around you, you'd laugh. He's never been so caring for someone, ever."

As reassuring as that sounded, I kept my self prepared for possible bad news. Edward and Tanya had been gone for hours, and it was a matter of minutes before Charlie came home.

Alice's phone rang just as I saw the shadows dance from Charlie's approaching car.

She answered her phone, muttered a few words, and said happily, "I'm gonna go and head home. Tell Edward I took his car, even though he's going to see it gone when he comes." After a kiss on the cheek, she sternly commanded, "Don't worry. Have a little faith, 'kay?"

"Okay," I croaked out.

Alice passed by Charlie on the driveway, and my dad waved enthusiastically, only to be disappointed when he took in Alice's appearance.

"You heading home?" he said.

My little friend nodded her head slowly. "Unfortunately, my boyfriend's calling me." Here, she turned to me and winked playfully. Only Alice.

Charlie entered the house and found me studying, diligently and with no Edward.

"Edward not coming over, Bella?" he asked skeptically. I guess he'd seen Edward's bag lying on the floor.

"Well, he left before; he might come over a little later," I said.

He sighed, looking around the room tiredly. He didn't move, just scanned the area like a cop would.

"Um," I started. "Is something wrong, Dad?"

He quickly shook his head. "No, no, _nothing_'s wrong; it's just...well, I seem to have lost something, or misplaced it somewhere. I can't believe I didn't notice before. " He walked around the T.V. "I'm not even sure if I took it out at all recently."

"What is it?"

"Well, it's, ah... It's my gun, honey, my spare gun." He scratched his hair, confusedly looking around still. "I don't know where I could've put it..."

I stood up, remembering that one picture Edward got from Tanya and James.

"What did it look like?"

"Um, just your standard automatic pistol. Black, about yay big," he spread his hands apart a relatively short distance, "and it's loaded."

My face fell with horror. "Where did you keep it before?"

He took in my expression. "In my dresser." He peered into my eyes. "Bella, what's going on?"

But I couldn't speak. My mind was spinning what I've heard with what I've known.

I told Charlie I wasn't feeling well, and he seemed to believe it so he continued looking for his gun, though I knew he wouldn't find it in the house.

Upstairs in my room, I listed the things I could connect.

Tanya and James had a gun. Black, shiny, and pistol-looking. Okay, that was bad.

Charlie had just noticed _today _he lost his gun. So did that mean it was only taken today? Or did my dad really not notice before? In any case, Charlie lost his gun. A black automatic.

And Tanya just went out walking with Edward.

I sat up straight on my bed.

"Whoa," I said breathily. "No, no, no. _That_ is crazy." But it _was_ possible.

What am I still doing here?


	12. interpolate

Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.

Date today: **21 Nov 08**  
- The movie adaptation of _Twilight_ hits theatres, and here I am, wishing I was one of the moviegoers. Maybe I'll write to keep my mind off it. Yeah, write about TWILIGHT to forget about TWILIGHT.

This chapter is dedicated to... you! Yes, you! So friggin' smile already...

* * *

**12. interpolate**  
to alter or corrupt (as a book or text) by the insertion of new or foreign matter

- - -

**Edward Cullen**

"Wait_, why_ did you never tell me about this?" I shook my head, trying to rid of what Tanya had just told me.

No. That's crazy. No fucking way.

Tanya nodded her head frantically. "It's true, Edward; I just didn't know how you'll react, 'coz, you know, boys are always leaving girls because of it." She held on to my arm tighter. "I didn't want to lose you!" Her face crumpled in pain.

I staggered a few steps sideways, feeling suddenly weightless and heavy simultaneously. "No, no, no," I slurred. "How could that have happened?"

We'd been walking in the little, dense forest near the school. I didn't know how long we've been there, but the sun was coming down and I worried that Bella would think I was doing something I shouldn't be doing. Well, doing something that would make Bella worry.

"Edward," she said firmly. "Listen to me: it's not your fault, okay? It was an accident. In any case, it happened." She inhaled sharply. "I got pregnant a few months ago, and I went ahead with the abortion." Her voice faltered when she said abortion. I could tell she was about to cry.

As I listened through her story, I felt more horrible with myself. I kept telling myself, that if we'd been more cautious, Tanya wouldn't have gone through _this_.

Freakin' _God_. I can't bel_ieve_ I did what I did.

"Tanya," I said as sincerely as I could. "Why didn't you _tell _me when it happened? I could've been there..."

She smiled sadly. "Been there to what? To tell me I should have the baby?" She laughed a bitter laugh. "Edward, you were going to break up with me anyway; what was the point of telling? It wasn't like it would get you back. You were going after Isabella."

"But you cheated on me."

Tanya winced. "Yes, yes I did." She sighed. "But you have to understand; after I did the whole...you know, abortion thing, I realized I didn't want to be trapped in a helpless situation anymore. Then James came along--"

"How were you trapped in a helpless situation!"

"Ugh!" she complained. "You boys have _no_ insight whatsoever on women! I had no one to talk to, okay? I felt _alone_." The venom in her voice was really scaring me. Talk about menacing.

And it just went _on_.

"I felt..." Tanya shook her head. "I'm thinking of how to explain this clearly." It took a while, but eventually she smiled and looked up to me. "For the first time, I realized I needed to appreciate my _freedom_ as a woman. Because it won't last long; nothing ever does."

"You sound like a cynic," I said, making her laugh.

"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie," she sighed, purposefully making me feel childish. "When you've lost something—some_one_—you love, _then_ you can talk to me about things lasting long. Till then, I don't think you can appreciate what you _have_ until you lose it."

This saddened me. Because Tanya didn't deserve to have gotten hurt. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of wanting to know Bella more. It just hit me like a Ferrari on overdrive.

"Tanya, I don't get it. How can you cheat on me, then when we break up you send me all these messages telling me how you want me back?" I looked at her confusedly. "Don't you want to celebrate your freedom now that you're single?"

She thought about it for a moment, then quickened her pace and changed the subject.

"Have you ever stolen something from your parents?"

Weird question, but I'll answer. "A couple of bucks here and there, but I always told 'em about it."

It wasn't the answer she was looking for, her facial expression told me. "Well, have you ever done something _bad_?"

"I had sex with you?" Was I teasing? No, but I played it off lightly.

Tanya frowned. "Well, okay. I'll take that as an example." She looked down on her stomach. "You know, something good could've come out of this."

Yup. A lifetime bond with Tanya Reed.

She cleared her throat. "Well, my point is, you did something you knew you weren't supposed to do—or at least, something Carlisle and Esme wouldn't normally approve of." She waited for me to nod before continuing.

"So what happened?" she said, and I said I didn't know, and she answered her own question. "Simple: you did it again. You slept with me until you thought it was _normal_ for us to do it."

"You make me sound like a—"

"I was just _saying_ to prove my point," she interrupted.

What? That we were total sex addicts? "And your point would be..."

"Sometimes you do things, and you do it so much that you don't really think about it; you don't need a reason for doing it. You just do."

My eyebrows furrowed together. "I don't think I've ever felt insulted as I do now," I quietly confessed.

She laughed nervously. "Sorry, didn't mean to do that." She stopped our walking by holding my hand. "Look, all you need to see is, I was confused: I felt so many things at once—fear, _anger_, confusion—that I sorta needed to do something to throw me off the edge."

"You could've talked to me before going off and doing those things."

"I don't like talking that very much."

"Yeah—I know."

She smirked. "That you do."

Just then, we heard a car going round the forest. I peered, and saw it was Bella's white Accord. It stopped right on the fringe where the road and the forest met.

"Looks like she's looking for you," Tanya commented.

I smiled. "Yeah." I looked at Tanya, and saw her icy blue eyes gazing at me meaningfully.

"I can't win you back, can I?"

"Tanya..." I said uneasily. "Why does it have to be so personal? I'm sorry, _so_ sorry I hurt you, but I had to do it: you're great, Tanya, but—"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. You found someone better." She smirked.

"You'll find someone better too. _I'm_ not that great, if you ask me."

She harrumphed. "Those are two big fat lies in one statement." She looked on at Bella's car, which was still stopped a long distance away. "You should head back."

"You're not coming?"

"Nope. Gotta meet up with James and Laurent."

"You know, they're not exactly the type of people to be friends with."

"Eh," she said offhandedly, "it's not like it's gonna last long. They're just people to be with most of the time."

Sometimes I think Tanya has the weirdest logic. "Just make sure your relationship with them doesn't last till college."

She grinned. "And make sure _your_ relationship with Bella _does_."

"It will," I said confidently, taking a few steps back.

"Really," she said. "'Coz this isn't some happily ever after thing, Edward; this is high school. We're just getting ready for life _out_ _there."_

Not true. Your friends in high school are usually your friends for life, too. I ran back to the edge of the forest, feeling happier when I saw Bella's car with her inside. She waved at me, and I waved back, smiling slightly at the look of relief on her pretty face.

T - W - I - L - I - G - H - T

**Bella Swan**

Talk about fast. One minute I was jumping for joy, mentally of course, that my boyfriend did not get murdered, and the next I was jumping on him and kissing him senseless. You would too if you thought you were going to lose your loved one.

"Bella? Have you gone crazy or something?" he asked when we were in my car and headed for my house.

"Sorry," I said, "I got a little too eager."

"Not a problem, sorry I made you feel sorry." He grinned. "I like it."

I drove him to his house, telling him that Alice had taken his car. It was night time when we arrived.

"Why don't you stay over? You look a little tired," Edward insisted.

"Well, okay, I guess it wouldn't hurt," I joked, getting out.

We went to the house, greeting Alice and Esme in the kitchen.

"Hi, Bella," Esme said kindly. "Staying over? I'll make sure the guest room's ready."

Alice snickered. "Or she can sleep in Edward's room."

"Alice!" I was surprised to hear it was Edward who scolded his sister. Alice gave him a weird look, but Esme seemed smug.

She walked away, saying she was getting the room ready.

Alice and Edward looked at each other, probably communicating the way only siblings can.

Alice looked at the clock. "So, Edward, what did you and Tanya talk about?"

He put on a bored face. Was he hiding something?

"I'd rather tell Bella first than you, Alice," he said calmly.

Alice pouted. "Aw, you'd rather put love before family?" She laughed when she saw my face turn crimson red.

Edward shrugged. "Hey, I'm not the one who breaks the 'bros before hoes' rule."

"Excuse me?" Alice said in disbelief.

"Edward!" I said. He looked at me, shocked at what he said, but I said, "What's gotten into you?" and he apologized quickly to Alice.

"No, no, you don't just say sorry after calling my boyfriend a hoe!" Alice complained. "I was just _kidding_, Edward."

She would have said more to offend Edward, but I pulled him away from the kitchen and went up to his room.

- - -

"What if I told you I' not ready to sleep with you?" was the first thing he said when I turned on the lights.

Edward wasted no time and sat on his couch. I sat beside him, worry crinkling my face.

"What did you and Tanya talk about?"

"Would you still be with me?" he continued with his line of thought.

"Yeah, I'll still be with you," I told him. "We don't have to have sex now. When we're ready; you know that. Why? Is it something I've done?"

He shook his head. "No, it's got nothing to do with you. I'm just... not ready. Yet."

"Okay."

"I don't think I'll be ready in a long time, actually," he admitted, embarrassed.

For some reason, this offended me. I felt like I turned him _off_ sex. How pathetic is that? Maybe all my talk of responsibility got him to think abstinence forever.

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm just—I don't think we're ready, if something were to happen."

"I don't think I follow you."

He sighed. "Look, Bella, I'm sorry. I'm just shook up, I guess. I had a long talk."

"Yeah you did." I rubbed his back. "But you can talk to me if you want. But only if you want."

His eyes seemed to dull and glaze over, I don't know how else to explain it. I call it his face for weighing out the options.

I took a big breath. I had to calm down, tell myself I was not going to lose him soon. Tanya is not a psycho killer.

"Bella?" Edward said softly.

"Yeah?" He looked hesitant, but then he took me in his arms and kissed me.

"I don't feel like talking right now," he said. He kissed me again; I put my arms around him.

Setting me on his lap so I was straddling him, he tightened his hold on me and put our mouths closer together.

Our kissing became more heated, and I was shocked to feel his erection between my legs. I felt my body getting hot. Edward was breathing loudly, swallowing with difficulty, and was looking at me so intensely I almost didn't want to look.

"Bella, Bella, wait, no, no," he held my hands away from his face. "We can't do this."

My pleasure was hit with a ton of pain—emotional pain, that is.

But I had to be responsible, though it was the farthest thing from my mind.

"You're right," I said. "You're right. You are so right about that." I repeated it a couple of times to myself, getting off his lap and looking the other way to call myself stupid a couple more times.

We were quiet except for our breathing.

"Because we don't have condoms," Edward blurted out. "First of all, we don't have condoms. I don't want to risk it—"

"Exactly, you're right. It was just a spur of the moment thing," I said, uncomfortable. "It won't happen again."

"Um..." he said shakily. "Sure." A few seconds later, he excused himself and went to the bathroom. The door shut loudly.

- - i hope the movie is amazing ... i hope you all do not scream in the movie theatres ... i hope we all scream because we can't help it - -

**Edward Cullen**

Had I lost all my pubic hair? What the hell am I doing? _Bella_ should be relieving me right now, not me!

Had Tanya and I ever have sex without protection? She told me she was on the pill. We _always_ used a condom.

Did I want to risk it with Bella? Suddenly all the statistics about pregnant teenage girls were scaring me.

And here I was, picturing my girlfriend in her underwear. Imagining how _that night_ was supposed to go. How could I control myself around her?

Fuck. I can't believe I'm about to do this.

* * *

_A few days later..._

**Bella Swan  
**

Jacob and I were walking down First Beach, enjoying the sun and the school day off. He was over a foot taller than me, something that unnerved me because of how high he looked. Someone younger shouldn't be taller than you by this much.

"So, you guys are on a break?" he asked.

I looked over the setting sun. "Wow, you went straight to the questions. No 'I miss you' greetings?"

"Sorry," he drawled out. "You know, Bella, it's really nice to have you back again." He laughed. "I want you to know that no matter what has happened before, I'm your friend, but only if _you _want to be friends."

"Thanks, Jake, that means a lot." I never noticed how comforting a few words could be when I felt so...troubled.

"Do you think you're gonna get back together?" Jacob asked.

I sighed. "I don't know, Jake.

"Do you _want_ to get back together?"

He was prying, and prying eagerly at that. "I don't _know_, Jake."

"It's a yes or no question."

"I'm giving you a vague answer." I raised an eyebrow. "Got any more questions? Then leave."

He raised his hands in surrender. "I just want to know how things are going. If you don't wanna talk, then don't." He picked up a sea shell off the sand. "But you can't ruin a day like this; at least _pretend_ to be happy—you might have fun in the end."

Pretending to be happy. That's nice. I walked along, ruining Jacob's mood further as we trudged more sand.

* * *

I forgot if Bella and Jacob still aren't talking. Did they ever have a fight? If they did, then they've reconciled during the few days prior. If not, then this was just another day with a friend.


	13. unlucky chapter

Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.

Date today: **23 NOV 08  
**Watched the movie yesterday. It was...good. Everything that went from the baseball game and forward was spectacular. Plus, their dance in the prom scene...awwww! I'm happy for director Catherine Hardwicke—nice job! Oh, and of course, Stephenie Meyer! xD

This chapter is dedicated... to you! Yes, you! So friggin' smile already...

* * *

13. **triskaidekaphobia **irrational fear of the number thirteen

- - -

**Bella Swan**

I don't think I can explain how it feels to feel so sucky. I just get this feeling that it was _I_ who did something wrong. Because no matter how I look at it, it's the only logical explanation.

Which led me to wonder: had Edward already have sex before? I couldn't believe we've never talked about it. I guess it sort of loomed over us the whole time, but we were too scared to approach the topic.

I shook my head, focusing on Ms. Lanelly's voice as she explained a whole chapter of Jane Austen's _Northanger Abbey_. A fairly short read, but the author's "satirical wit" read to me as annoying. What was the name of the "perfect" guy? Was it Harry—Henry Tulip? I couldn't remember. But he seemed like a know-it-all. He was always telling the main character about how wrong she was with her beliefs regarding imagination and what-have-you. In the end, they marry and they live in perfect harmony, all bliss with Mr. Tulip and Mrs. Tulip and all the Misses they could hope to create afterward.

"Miss Swan? Is something the matter?" Ms. Lanelly said. "I don't know how your usual teacher does it, but in my class, I usually send my students to guidance if they seem to be troubled."

"No, no, Ms. Lanelly, I'm fine," I said, gritting my teeth. "I'm just a bit tired."

"Well, can you then tell us what happens after Catherine accuses Sir Tilney of killing his own wife?"

No, no, Ms. Lanelly. I really can't.

- - -

After English, Mike came along.

"How was that substitute, huh? She was really mean, I think," he chirped brightly, carrying my books for me.

"Yeah, yeah she was," I muttered. He saw how crestfallen my face looked, because he put a hand on my shoulder and smiled comfortingly.

"Don't worry; we all hate him for it."

"Huh."

We were walking through the hallways when Jacob came by my side.

"Hi, Bella! Wanna walk with me?" He smiled playfully. I went and put an arm over his, thanking him for playing his part. The other day I'd told him I would be needing a friend for support, and he happily volunteered to be my shoulder to lean on. Call me needy, but the slightest genuine smile I saw provided the most comfort for me.

"See'ya, Mike," I said, taking my textbook from him. Mike stared, but cleared his throat and walked away.

"You see, people here are on _your_ side," Jacob said.

I scowled. "Oh yeah? Look at those girls over _there_." I pointed to a group of girls standing by the lockers, who were whispering and giggling and looking my way.

Jacob scoffed. "They're just jealous, and hoping that they'll go out with Cullen next."

"I guess," I said breathily. We walked to my next class, which was Government, and Jacob said he'd meet me in lunch.

"And don't be scared: my friends are nice, if you get past the whole drug thing."

During second block, Jasper kept giving me shy smiles and thrown glances.

"Is there something you want to say to me?" I whispered to him while the teacher was handing out assignments.

He quickly apologized. "I wanted to know how things are lookin' up for you."

I kept my smile tight. "They're going great." Ah—my voice was a pitch too high on that last word.

Jasper chuckled. "Not that I would know—because he doesn't come over my house anymore—but I think Edward's gonna come around his senses and try to get you back."

My heart boomed rapidly in my chest. "Why'd you say that?"

"Something just tells me," he said vaguely.

"Oh," I said. "You mean Alice?"

"Yes, Alice." Then his face turned seriously concerned. "But really, Bella, if you're angry with him right now, then don't do it."

"Do what?"

"Don't take him back if you're angry with him. Let him suffer a bit, even though the poor guy's been locked up in his room forever."

"I'm not angry." I bit my lip. "And that's an exaggeration. I see Edward in Biology; he seems fine. We don't talk at all, but he looks fine."

"You must be hurt," he suggested.

I looked down. "A bit."

"It's okay," he said, "I've been rejected too...once."

"Are you going to tell me a really long heartbreaking story?"

"Um, no, because I was talking about the time I asked _you_ out."

"Oh."

"See? You forgot about it already," he weeped. "Ouch, Bella, I thought we were closer than a one-time thing."

I laughed. "I didn't forget. I just...well, never mind. I dunno."

- - -

Another school day has ended. Time to go home.

During Biology, I caught Edward looking at me a couple of times. That intense, painfully gorgeous stare he had. Of course, I looked at him more than he looked at me.

As I shoved books in my bag, I noticed Jacob walking toward me. I waved, and he ran to help me with my books.

"So, wanna ride the bikes today?" he asked.

"Sure."

We walked to my car, but then I saw Edward standing by it. When we got close enough, he spoke.

"Bella, can we talk?" He sounded so unsure at the moment I wanted to hit him for having low self-esteem.

Jacob laughed. "Yeah, in a million years, Cullen."

Edward ignored him and kept looking at me.

"S-sure," I said, leading him away from Jacob, who was having a hard time switching from expressing disbelief to anger to confusion. He mouthed _what_ to me, but Edward led me back inside the school building. Most of the students went home, but I saw Lauren and Tyler looking at us.

We walked together in the hallway, never looking each other in the eye.

"Why didn't you just call me?" I asked him. It would be a lot easier not to face him right now.

"I didn't bring my phone today."

"Oh."

"Bella," he started, "is there any way I can make it easier for you?"

For starters, you can say you love me and prove it how you used to prove it.

"I don't know, Edward, I haven't really thought about things getting easier for the past couple of days. I said I'd wait, and I am going through with my decision. It's hard, but it's okay I guess." I looked at his green eyes. "What about you? What can _I_ do to make it easy?"

His face was so morose. "You can take me back."

I closed my eyes. "I could, I could do that." I want to. I really really want to.

"But you won't," he said. "Because..."

"I—I don't know exactly," I said.

"'Coz I hurt you?"

"No." I frowned. "Did Jasper talk to you?"

"No, we haven't spoken in a while," he said. "Why? Did you?"

"During class. He said you never come over anymore."

He smirked, though it wasn't as mischievous as I remembered it was. "Because Alice is most probably at Jasper's, and _she_ probably likes me a little less than you do right now."

I thought about Alice's phone call last night. There was plenty of the phrases "stupid Edward" and "freakin' idiot" thrown into her colorful language at the conversation.

We stopped by the stairs, where I sat on the second-to-last bottom step.

"I'm not mad at what you've done, Edward," I said to him. "I think you really meant what you said, you know: about figuring things out."

He sat next to me. "You know, it's really hard to tell you how I feel."

"Why?"

He smiled wistfully. "Because you always think the best of me, and, I like it, but I don't want you to be misled with what you think of me."

I felt my head get heavy. "Sorry if I put that type of pressure on you." I held his arm, something that I wanted to do for a long time.

- - -

**Edward Cullen**

She was touching me the way she used to. I felt electricity jolting through my whole body.

I laughed at myself. "I cannot believe I got scared of sex," I muttered to myself. Bella heard this, which only got her confused.

I should've told her about Tanya and her abortion. I should've told her about my concerns. But I didn't. I just didn't feel like talking about it.

"Have I given the impression that I want to have sex?" Bella asked. She was blushing furiously which made her look so freakin' _pretty_. Pretty girls and frustrated boys do not make a very chaste equation.

I looked at her, shocked. How was I supposed to answer?

She must've seen my face. She laughed. "Don't worry about it, Edward; It's normal. Even _I_ get scared of it sometimes. There's always peer pressure going around, and sometimes I can't help but feel like _I'm_ the only one who's never gonna lose her virginity before my twenties."

Awed was the only thing I was feeling. "How can you be so insecure? If anything, you should be worried because _lots_ of boys want to sleep with you."

She was uncomfortable with my statement. "Well, um...should I say, thanks?"

Well, it's your body, so you deserve all the credit.

"I miss you," I told her, figuring I should probably say what I wanted to say. "I love you, Bella, and I don't want to seem be the crazy ex-boyfriend if things between us end—I don't want to be what Tanya was to me before."

"That is something to think about." Bella looked on wanderingly. Her brown eyes clouded. Unmistakeable sadness filled her.

Oh no. "Oh, wait, Bella, no. I didn't mean for it to come out that way." I carefully put my hands on her cheeks. "I mean, I'm not breaking up with you." I felt myself getting _hysteric_. "I was actually going to beg you to take me back, honest!"

If Emmett could see me now. Boy, he would laugh and recite every synonym under the word _pathetic_.

Bella's eyes were a mix of emotions. "Edward, you are the most confusing boy I ever met." Her voice was scary calm.

"I _know_, I'm sorry, but—"

She placed her hands slowly over mine, and held it there for a second, before removing it from her face and looking back down.

"Why'd you want to talk to me, Edward?" she said quietly.

The adrenaline was fading now. I felt defeat. I sat there like a lump, processing it all in. She must have read every romance novel, every poetic letter. She must've read it all.

"Just say what you have to say," Bella whispered to me.

Feeble. Inadequate. Puny. Commiserable.

"I haven't told you everything. I _want_ to tell you everything, but you might see me differently. I like it when you saw only the good side of me. I don't want it to change."

"Some things have to change," she whispered. "And how do you know I'm going to push you away?"

Deplorable. Paltry. Meager. Piteous.

"Because I've done some things." Like stealing your father's gun. Yeah, Bella, I did it. I'm sorry, but I kinda had to. And you know what? I _still _haven't told you.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

"So? I'm not the perfect angel either," Bella argued.

I doubt you did the things _I've_ done.

"Edward, I want to be with you," she decided.

_That_ caught me off guard. "Really?"

She scowled. "No, not really." She hugged me tight. "Why do _you_ have insecurities? I have no reason to not want to be with you. I love you just the way you are, you know that." She kissed my cheek. "And whatever you tell me, we'll see how it goes. There's a ninety-nine percent chance I'll love you no matter what."

I felt guilty. I felt shame. What's worse, I felt happy, and it shadowed over the former feelings.

I had to give in to my temptations. I had to kiss her. I had to keep her in my arms and do everything to put that smile in her face.

Shocked, a bit paralyzed, and scared shitless, I hugged her tightly, making sure our faces were touching instead of _facing_ each other.

The result was, I saw Jacob Black walking toward us before Bella had the chance to warn him off.

- - -

**Jacob Black**

You know when you've done everything you can to make an impression on someone, your efforts always get trampled by a better guy? Doesn't that just suck?

It has been a week since Bella and Cullen haven't talked. I had a week to show her she didn't need him. I made sure to tell her every joke I could find, point out every fun thing I could see, I even changed the engines on the bikes last night so they'd run faster.

Apparently, no amount of horsepower could amount to one of Edward Cullen's _charming_ smiles.

Bella, Bella, _why_ do you have to be so happy with him?

I opened the door to the hallways determined to bring Bella to her senses: Edward is just another guy. There's plenty more guys out there who deserve her.

But what do I find? Cullen hugging Bella. Bella's tear-streaked face. I don't even think he knew she was crying until Bella turned her head and faced me.

I walked forward. Jacob, they probably just talked it out and became friends. No way will Bella take him back so easily. She'd be a fool.

That last thought scared me.

"Jacob?" Bella croaked out. Edward's gaze fell down on her.

"Did you guys...have a talk or something?"

Bella beamed at Cullen. "We sorta made up." I noticed their hands were clasped together.

Craaaaaa-aaaaa-_aaaaap_! I HATE YOU, CULLEN! I HATE CULLEN!

"That's, that's, that's really nice of you to do," I said. I spun on my heels to make sure my face remains calm.

I _hate_ Cullen. You don't even know.

When I turned back around, Bella was grinning up at Cullen. I didn't know if it was just me, but he looked less enthused than how the luckiest person in the world should feel.

"What time is it?" Bella asked, looking for a clock. His boyfriend looked at his wristwatch. I bet that thing costs more than my house.

"Almost four," he told her.

I think I sneered when I saw his arm snake around her waist like a death trap.

"Jake?" Bella said in her lovely soft voice.

"Yeah?"

"D'you think I could take a raincheck on our date with the bikes?"

Bella is a good person, Jacob. She really means it when she says she's taking a raincheck. That means she's going to the bikes with you, just not today. She and Cullen need to celebrate first.

Dammit. Cullen's probably planning something special for them tonight.

The sound of a car engine startled the three of us. I headed for the doors to see who'd come to school at four in that loud engine. The _vroom_ of the engine seemed familiar.

I opened the door and quickly closed it, putting my back against the horizontal metal lock.

Bella and Cullen walked alongside me. "Who's there?" she asked.

"That was Sam and the guys. I forgot they took my truck," I explained, risking another peek through the window.

Bella tried to see, but I restricted her. She got annoyed and asked, "What's wrong? Why are you avoiding them?"

"They've been worried about me. They think I should go hang out with them more." Actually, they knew about my feelings for Bella, they wanted to take my mind off her with drugs. Drugs and La Push girls—tanned and native, as Embry said. Those should do the trick to any heartbreak. And don't forget the booze.

"What!" Bella snapped. "That's crazy; I thought they were your friends. They shouldn't be a bad influence."

"I know, I know," I said. "Strange as it sounds, they're only lookin' after me." I looked again, and saw Quil and Jared get out of my truck. They spoke to each other, then Quil pointed to the building—our building—while Jared walked toward another building.

"Quil's coming, I think," I said.

Cullen looked bored, but he squinted his eyes through the window. "It looks like they're all getting out and looking for you. Sam and Leah are coming this way."

I wasted no time. I backed away from the door, looking for an open classroom. But they were all locked. Damn janitors wanting to get home as soon as possible.

"Where do I go?" I panicked. Bella and Edward just stood by the doorway, watching.

Stupid idiots, was all I could think as I ran toward them and pulled Bella to move away from the door. As I expected, Cullen followed, angry at me for taking Bella.

"What are you doing, Black?" he growled.

"Are you two crazy?" I said, walking fast and looking at all directions. I turned a left to the hallway. "If they find you, they'll ask questions, and Bella here can't lie for anything. But more likely than not, they're gonna beat you up, Cullen, just because they feel like it."

Or maybe it's because I might have told the gang that Edward Cullen is the scum of the earth, and I'd give anything to knock his teeth out.

I didn't see their faces, but I bet they were resigned because they stayed didn't say anything for a long time.

"There's a closet down this hallway," Cullen suggested.

"Gee, I wonder how _you_ knew that," I said nastily.

"Freaking pain in the ass," he muttered. I smiled. Good.

"Can you slow down? Bella's gonna trip," he told me. I looked back and saw that he was right; Bella was looking down on her feet, having a hard time catching up to my longer strides. Oops.

"I'm fine," Bella grumbled. She was breathing heavily.

We reached the supply closet that's beside the stairs, and it was a good thing the door was identical to that of the classrooms, because then Sam may stop looking if he saw the classrooms were locked.

"Come on," I said and we entered the dark, hot, room. It didn't have much, thank God. Just a few opened cans of cleaning chemicals.

- - -

It took about five minutes till we heard their voices outside. You know that weird, lurching motion you get in your stomach you get when you know you're about to get caught from your hiding place? Or when you spy on someone from behind a couch or under a bed, there's that pounding feeling the person's gonna see you? Yeah, I had that.

I heard Sam, and Leah, too.

"He's not here, Sam," Leah said in that annoying superior voice of hers. Sometimes I don't get how Sam could stand her.

"I'm just checking," Sam said in a more withdrawn voice. "You know Jacob. He likes hiding out and being alone."

I scowled. I do _not_ like to hide out by myself. I hoped these two behind me didn't hear that.

"Yeah, you're right," Leah answered. "But there's no way he's going to be hiding _in the school_. Maybe he went to the cliffs."

A pause. "I don't know," he said. "Didn't he say he was going somewhere with Bella Swan? I saw her car's still in the parking lot."

Oh my God could you be any more observant, Sam?

"Oh, well, let's check and see if the other guys have seen him, huh? Come on, Sam, he's not here."

Something about her tone there made me suspicious—she sounded too caring for her usual self. Had Leah and Sam become something more than friends?

"Okay," Sam said. "And Leah? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"It's about this girl. She lives in the rez, and, I kinda wanted your opinion on things."

I waited for her answer. "Oh...sure. Yeah, I'll help you out. Of course! That's great, by the way, who is she?"

My mouth dropped open.

"Little miss cynical Leah has a crush," I whispered quietly. "And I think she just got her hopes trampled on."

I thought back to the times Leah has made fun of me. During middle school, when she called Embry and Quil and me wusses for being scared of horror movies. When she stepped on my history project because I spilled juice on her hair. When she always stole my ice cream when I ate my cone particularly slow. The memories go on.

The idea of Leah being sad actually made me feel better.

"It's four thirteen," Cullen whispered. "I think we're safe."

"How would you know what time it is? Have you been counting?" I asked.

"My watch has those glow in the dark spots on it."

I looked and sure enough, there were green little dots floating about my shoulder level, which had me guess he had his arm around Bella.

I needed to get out of here. I turned the knob.

And the knob didn't twist.

"What?" I said to no one in particular. "Hey, the door's not opening."

"That's impossible," Cullen said. I saw the tiny green dots find the knob. The door rattled but didn't open.

No one said anything. Slowly, the tiny green dots dimmed till it faded with the musty darkness of the closet.


	14. cogent

**Stephenie owns the Twilight Saga.**

* * *

**cogent**  
appealing to the mind; convincing

- - -

"Don't worry, Bella, we're going to be _fine_," Edward drawled out the last word at Jacob.

"Like hell _you_ know, Cullen," Jacob said. He turned to me. "But Bella, if we never get outta here, you'll always have _me_."

I gulped. This closet was too little for three people. We were shoulder to shoulder—well, Edward's shoulder to my _head_ to Jacob's shoulder.

Edward pulled me more to him, turning and leaning against the wall so there's be space between Jacob and me.

"Someone'll find us, don't worry about it," he whispered against my hair. I tucked my head under his chin.

"I guess this does have some benefits," I murmured. His hand went around my shoulders, the other one playing with my hair. I pulled his head toward me so I could kiss him softly.

Jacob made an annoyed sound. "Oh, hell no! If _I'm _not getting some, neither should you two!" In another second, another pair of arms wrapped around my waist and my back was against Jacob's chest. I gasped.

"There," Jacob said, tightening his hold. "All better."

Edward growled, and I wished there was some sort of light so I wouldn't have to rely on darkness to see.

But apparently I didn't need to see, because I felt Edward's arms pry off Jacob's.

"Let her go, Black," Edward huffed. "Before I do something I'll really regret."

"She's not complaining," Jacob wriggled around so he could adjust his wrists over my stomach. "Are you, Bella?"

I grunted. "Of course I'm complaining, Jake! You just took me from my boyfriend!"

"There," Edward sounded smug. "She wants you to let go."

"What if I don't want to?" Jacob teased, but he wouldn't let go, instead he raised me higher off the ground so he was carrying me like you would a baby, although my feet were raised about a foot from the ground.

"Jake, stop it," I whispered harshly. "This isn't funny."

I felt his breath on my face, breathing hard and slow. "It wasn't funny when you left me after I told you how I felt, when I told you everything. It wasn't funny when you kissed Cullen right in front of me. It wasn't funny when you made me fall in love with you."

Everything was quiet. Edward wasn't there anymore, he must've given us space—as little as it may be. Jacob's face was barely an inch away, because his lips brushed against mine as he said those things.

"It also wasn't funny when you told me you love me," Jacob finished, keeping his mouth on my cheek, just beside my lips.

"Jake, that's not what I meant," I trembled slightly. "You know you're my best friend, I _told_ you that. I do love you, but not like _that_."

"Why not?" he asked. "Bella, you never even _tried_ to see me as more than anything. You just saw me as a pathetic druggy, in need of some help."

"No, that's not it at all!" I said. It was rather hard, arguing with him when I was pressed against him. "Jake, I saw you as a friend! I never felt pity for you—I need you like you need me!"

"Those were the wrong words to say," Edward muttered from behind. We both loked at him. Well, we looked at where he would be.

"Why?"

"You're just giving him hope," Edward said, and I figured he was sitting down, "You need him as a friend, but he needs you as something..._more_."

Now I don't know if it was just my hyperactive imagination, but I could've sworn the two snarled at each other right there and then.

Jacob adjusted me yet again, so I was cradled against his chest. He was very strong. My feet were touching the wall, and my head was inches from the opposite.

"Well, if you _really understand_," Jacob paused, catching his breath. "Because you understand where I'm coming from, and you know _exactly_ how I feel, then you should see _nothing_ wrong with what I'm about to do next, right?"

I didn't get what he was saying, but Jacob wasn't talking to me.

"Just because I see your side of things, doesn't justify what you _will not be doing_, not when I have a say in it," Edward said.

"Doesn't she have a bigger say in it, though?"

"Of course," Edward's voice softened. "She's free to do whatever she wants."

"Um," I said dumbly. "You guys, I'm still — " Suddenly Jacob's lips were on my mouth, and his large hand pressed my head toward his.

I couldn't do anything. My hands were trapped against our chests, and Jacob was just too strong to get rid of.

Then Jacob gave a yelp, and I dropped down to the floor. Fortunately, my head didn't hit anything, but my butt hurt.

"Oh!" I cried. I'd landed on Edward's shoes, I realized, when I found myself leaning on his legs.

"Bella!" Edward picked me up immediately. "I'm so sorry! Are you hurt? I couldn't hit him in the head, so I settled for his guts."

"I'm fine," I told him. He set me down on my feet, then turned us around so he was in between Jacob and me.

Speaking of Jacob, he was breathing hard, panting and — from what I could guess — leaning against the wall.

"You didn't have to punch me in the stomach," Jacob grumbled. "She wasn't fighting me."

"That's because I couldn't!" I shouted, but Edward softly put his fingers over my lips.

"Jacob," Edward spat the name angrily. "You will _never_ kiss, or touch, or even _look_ at Bella again, without her permission. Understand? If not, then I'll see to it that you _physically_ won't be able to do those things."

"What if she wants me to?" Jacob asked.

"That's up to her."

A pause, then Jacob said, in a light tone, "Well, Bella? Do you want me to?"

My face twisted in disgust, but I realized that they couldn't see that. "Um, no, Jake, I don't want you to."

"Just for today?" Jacob pleaded. "Come on, Bella, he's practically giving you permission to accept me! Just try it out, see how it compares with him! I mean, I'm not saying you're inexperienced and all, but he has more experience than you, so you two should have more of an equal footing when it comes to relationships!"

"Jake, shut up! I'm fine with my experience — or lack of, in my case," I muttered. Not that I was self-conscious around Edward, but we haven't really gotten this talk yet — in great detail, anyway. Some things are first talked about with friends. But right now I was regretting telling Jacob anything.

"I bet you he's not even a virgin," Jacob sneered.

Edward sighed. "Black, I'm glad you're interested with my sex life, but there's no need to talk about it in front of me."

Jacob scoffed. "So you _did _have sex. And I bet I even know who it was."

If we'd been outside, I would've looked at Edward with wide eyes, prompting him to verify this. But we were in a closet, with the smell of cleaners fuming, and I could only listen or speak. And I sure as hell did not know what to say.

Edward and I remained silent.

"Tanya was a satisfied girl, wasn't she?" Jacob continued. "And you were too, weren't you, Eddie boy? I heard Tanya did you good. Tanya kept you _happy_, isn't that the reason you stuck with her? Well, until you decided you wanted Bella, anyway."

"_Enough_," I said. "Jake, what're you doing?" I placed my hand on Edward's arm, which was suddenly tense.

"I'm just giving you a better perspective on your _boyfriend_," Jacob said. "And to tell you that there's a reason why he makes you squirm like you do — he's had tons of practice. _Tons_ of practice. _Tons_ of different stuff, too. You best be on you guard, you never know what else he's going to try — "

"Ah! That's _it_!" Edward pried his arm away, and it collided with Jacob, creating a loud WHACK.

"Edward!" I pulled him back. "No!"

"I don't know how_ you_ put up with him," Edward yelled angrily, "but there is _no _way I will!"

"He's just being stupid," I told him quietly, then, in a louder voice, I said, "Jacob, are you okay?"

He grumbled again, as if annoyed rather than hurt. "I'm _fine_. Now stop acting like you care." He coughed, but he was trying to muffle it.

"I _do_ care," I said angrily.

"Uh huh, yeah right."

"Hey, don't talk to her like that," Edward warned, placing his arm in front of me, to prevent me from going forward.

"Edward, I can handle it," I said. I wasn't that fragile. He needed to see that.

Jacob laughed. "Wow, you two really get along."

- - -

"One hundred and nine werewolves," _clunk_, "One hundred and ten werewolves," _clunk_, "One hundred elev—"

"Shut up, Jake. Stop hitting your head."

"It's so boring," he whined.

We'd been in the closet for — well, I wasn't really sure, but we'd been in there for a while. Edward was sitting down, with me on his lap, and Jacob was sitting by Edward's foot, counting werewolves — for what, I wasn't sure.

Jacob's stomach grumbled.

"Gah," he said. "I'm dying."

"Good. You keep doing that."

"Edward," I scolded.

"Bella, I was joking," he told me, caressing my cheek softly.

I realized that I hadn't kissed him in a while, so, silently — so _someone_ wouldn't interrupt — I pressed my lips against his, moving slowly and tilting my head so we'd be angled right.

"Hey, I ain't hearing any talking," Jacob said. "What...oh God! You two are doing it again, aren't you? Stop it!" He kicked on Edward's feet, but Edward shrugged him off and kept kissing me.

"Come on! Do you two really want me to be sexually frustrated?" Jacob asked, in all seriousness. "Because in the event that happens, there's only one form of release. And I ain't talking about masturbation — even if I was, there'd be only _one_ girl on my mind."

We stopped. How could Jacob be so unabashed like that?

"Jake, that's pretty disturbing to hear," I said quietly. Edward sat, seemingly frozen.

"What? The masturbation? Or the thinking about you part?" he asked.

"Erm, well," I fidgeted, "never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Because I know Cullen here does those things," Jacob said, "so it shouldn't really come as a surprise to you when someone says that." He paused. "I'm curious, Bella, do _you_ —"

"Shut up," I said.

"But you are still a virgin, right?" Jacob sounded worried.

I sighed. "Yes. Yes, okay? Now are you going to give me the talk? 'Coz that's where I see all this going."

"Okay, I'll stop."

- - -

Now that Jacob had been snoring for quite a while, Edward and I decided to have some alone time. It was heavenly, even when the cleaners and the dust invaded my senses, in the end, all I could feel was Edward.

Our breaths were ragged, but I was able to voice my question.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"I'm honestly curious," I said. "Was it true? What Jacob said before?"

"Jacob said a lot of things," he twisted my hair in his fingers, and he was kissing me across my jaw. "Which one were you referring to?"

I pulled back. "About...you know, you and Tanya..."

He stopped. After a long sigh, he said, "Yes."

"Is that what you were going to tell me before?"

"Well...yeah. We've done it, and..."

"Don't worry, I'm not mad," I reassured. How could I expect anything else? That someone like him would be a virgin? To be true, I_ hoped_ he would be. But you can't always get what you want, right?

I could hear, feel, Edward breathing heavily, calming himself down, but his chest kept rising and falling rapidly.

"I'm sorry," he said. "If I'd have known — if you'd come sooner, then I'm absolutely positive I would've waited." He withdrew his hands from my hair and my neck. "Please believe me when I say that I never knew a love like _this_ existed. If I did, if I'd known what it was like to feel this way, there'd be no way around it: you'd be my only one. I wouldn't give myself to anyone else, now _and_ forever."

Well, I didn't know what to say to that. So I kissed him, open mouth and all.

But Edward held my face between his palms, keeping our faces inches apart. I wasn't happy about that.

He laughed. "Bella, stop pouting for a second; you are adorable, but I have to explain some things."

"How can you tell I'm pouting? You can't even see me," I said, but I pulled back, knowing he was being serious.

"I know you enough," he said.

"Well? Come on, I want to kiss you," I teased. "Hurry up with the talking."

"We will get past the talking, I'll make sure of it." I could hear the smile in his voice. "But I want to tell you..."

"What?" I whispered.

"I love you more than anything I've ever known." Hesitantly, he placed his hand on my face. "And I meant what I said — before, when Jacob asked me about your having a bigger say. You're free to do whatever you want, if you feel it's right. I wouldn't want you to do something with me and have regrets later."

"What are you saying?"

He blew air on my face, a sharp exhale. "I-I'm saying, that maybe Jacob was right. Maybe it is best if you sort through your options, just to make sure you're making the right decisions."

"You want me to...consider other guys?"

"I want _for you_ to be sure with your decision to stay with me, but that's one way to put it," he said carefully.

The idea almost disgusted me. "Why the hell would I want some other guy? I _told_ you, it — "

"Maybe because you never know what you're missing until you try this other guy?" Jacob's voice said.

"Oh great, he's awake," Edward muttered. "Didn't even notice the snoring stopped..."

"Bella, I think you should listen to your boyfriend," Jacob said. "You don't have to date or anything, just try kissing someone else. And while you're here, and _I'm_ here, heck, it'll save some time. I'd be happy to be your experiment."

For a moment, I expected Edward to say something, but he stayed silent.

"You're serious?" I was surprised to realize that I was talking to both of them.

"Yes." One said it with excitement, the other with a sigh.

I couldn't believe it. I wanted to slap some sense into both of them, but I wasn't really a violent person.

"What? _No!_" I shouted. "Edward, what's gotten into you? I only want you! And Jacob: I _told_ you I only thought of you as my best friend. I cannot be_lieve_ you two would want me to cheat off my boyfriend!"

"Why?" Jacob asked. "Are you scared that you'll feel _something_ for me if I kiss you? If I show you how much you mean to me?"

"No, because it's _wrong_." I thought for a moment. "And Edward? What the hell? Didn't I tell you many times that I haven't felt like this before?"

"But that's just it," Edward urged. "How do you know it isn't just lust? That it's just not your hormones acting up, that if you and I, um, you know —"

"Had sex," Jacob finished for him. "Come on, Eddie, if you can't say it, how did you manage to _do_ it?"

"Because I was going to say _make love_," Edward snapped. Then he turned his focus back to me.

"Come on, Bella, it doesn't hurt to try, right?" he said. Behind me, Jacob murmured his agreement.

"That's crazy. You both are."

"It's for your own good, in a way."

"How is feeling guilty for my own good?"

"You won't feel guilty; I'll talk you out of that, if I have to," Edward firmly said, holding my face again. "Come on," he whispered. "I really want to get this right. I want us to be as right — as equal — as we can."

"You're not asking me to have sex with him, are you?" I teased.

"Hey, I'm still here," Jacob said. "Ready, willing, and able."

"So, all I have to do is kiss Jacob, and see what it feels like?" I asked, skeptical. "Are you sure you're okay with that? That's a pretty weird favor to ask your girlfriend."

Jacob laughed, and his arms took me from Edward's lap. "Come on, time for a little experimenting." He put me on his lap, bringing his knees up so his legs would fit the width of the closet. I sat there, with my knees straddling his waist, his thighs pushing against my back; I wondered how the hell this made any sense.

- - -

Jacob was hot. His breath was hot. His arms seemed to cover my entire body. His broad, wide chest was burning. I was sure my blush was the brightest of crimson.

"Bella," he exhaled against my collarbone. I closed my eyes, reveling in the warmth of it all.

In the darkness, every one of Jacob's touches surprised me. One second, his hand would be at the small of my back, grabbing at the skin on my hips, then the next, my face would be between his palms.

It was all very confusing. _All_ of it.

Then the next second, Jacob bit my ear. I gave a surprised whimper.

Hard kisses. Ragged breaths. Beating hearts. Sweaty bodies — but this could have been caused by the close expanse of the closet.

"Okay, that's it," Edward's voice sounded strained, and I felt his hands on my sides. "My time as a masochist is up. I'm not _that _tolerant. Let her go, Jacob."

Jacob tightened his hold on my shoulders, trapped me with his legs. "Wait, just a few more minutes..." He trailed off with his mouth sliding across the collar of my shirt, leaving my skin slightly moist.

"That's enough," I managed to breathe out. My hands were on his shoulders, holding on or pushing back I wasn't sure. Two pairs of hands were holding me, tugging me to two directions.

Miraculously, Jacob untangled himself from me, and I now sat on _Edward's_ lap.

It took us a few minutes to calm our breathing, but when we did, silence followed.

"It's hot in here," Jacob observed.

"Yeah, I'm sweating like a pig right now," I muttered, wiping my damp hair from my face.

Edward chuckled. "Why don't you take off your clothes?" he whispered so quietly I was sure only I could hear. I could feel his skin as well, a little slick with sweat. I wondered how he looked.

When I didn't say anything, Edward chuckled again, softly. "How do you feel?"

"Same as before," I told him. "This doesn't change how I feel about you."

"But you did feel something for me," Jacob quipped. "You kissed back."

"Well, what can I say? You're a good kisser." But right then, I knew: Edward was the one for me. I mean, it's impossible to say that Edward is the best kisser in the world — I'd have to kiss every single guy to judge — but then again, he was the only one who understood everything about me, even if he said he had no idea what goes on in my head. Our physical compatibility, thought crucial, wasn't everything. Well, I wasn't exactly sure how I felt, but I felt supernaturally good with him.

"Amazing is more like it," he said. "It felt amazing. Again?"

"No," Edward and I said.

"You know," Edward mused, "now that I know Bella's sure about staying with me, I want to make sure I get to know her as much as possible: mind, soul, and body. And so long as I live, Jacob, you get neither. Well, the intimate details, anyway."

I smiled. "Mind, soul, _and_ body," I repeated, kissing his damp hair. He kissed along my face, then to my lips.

Jacob snickered. "Cullen, you do know that I kissed Bella on the mouth, right? So it's like you're kissing _me_."

Edward pulled away. "You're right," he said dryly. Then he bit my ear playfully. I couldn't help it; I moaned. _Loud_.

"Oh, _wow_," Jacob said. "Aren't _you_ Mr. Considerate?"

Edward licked me on my neck. I whimpered.

"Okay, okay!" Jacob shouted. "Kiss her on the mouth! God, I can't stand it."

Without further ado, Edward silenced my cries with his lips.

"That's a little better, I guess — wait, do you hear that?" Jacob whispered.

We listened. Soft thudding noises with a clinking of something in the background.

"Footsteps," Edward whispered.

Jacob started kicking on the door. "Yo! We're stuck here! Open the door! I have to get away from this!"

As the doorknob twisted, and a shocked janitor stood there, holding a broom, we all sighed in relief.

"Thank the eternal heavens," Jacob said.

"Hey," I told Jacob, "no hard feelings, okay?"

He smiled, though a little hesitantly. "Sure. We're friends." And then he turned and walked away, steadily headed for his car—oh wait, no, Sam took his car.

He must've realized this, too, when he saw his pockets were empty. He turned back around and looked at me with a sullen expression on his face.

"I should give you a ride home," I said to him.

Edward sighed, realizing that he won't be riding with me. He kissed my hand. "I'll meet you at your house, Bella." Then he went to his car. Jacob glared at the ground as he followed me.

* * *

OK, it doesn't really go with the story, but just pretend. It was real funny to write. Happy Thanksgiving!


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